So I hooked up with a somewhat shady chick a couple weeks ago. So, for that reason, and the fact that I've never been tested before, I decide it would be a good idea to get tested for peace of mind. Google led me to believe that an STD test consists of a simple blood and urine analysis, that sounds easy, so I make an appt at planned parenthood. I show up and give my blood, then ask the nurse what I am supposed to pee into. She laughs and says they dont do urine tests they do "THE ROD". OMG NOOOOOOOOO. She shows me the rod its about Q-Tip size. And it has to go into my PEE HOLE for 3 SECONDS. I consider walking out right then. But, I dont want to look like a pansy, so I say alright, I've come this far, it cant hurt that much. WRONG. It was the most EXCUCIATING INTENSE MFING PAIN that i could ever imagine. I cant even describe it. I dont even want to think about it. So after that trip through hell. The nurse informs me that anything I would have caught from that shady chick WONT EVEN SHOW UP IN THE TEST because its too soon. I'm like WTF WTF COULD YOU HAVE TOLD ME THAT BEFORE YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP. Now before this test I drank like a gallon of water because I thought it was going to be a urine test and I wanted to be able to pee on command. BLUNDER. The test has inflammed my pee hole. Urinating now feels like I am reliving the pee hole rod pain all over again. I could only muster a couple drops of pee coming out. So now I sit here trying to hold in my pee. Every now and then a drop comes out if i move suddenly and my body spasms in pain. I am considering drinking tequila until i can no longer feel pain and then trying to urinate again. But basically Planned Parenthood OWNED ME BAD. and they charged me 140$ for it too. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER GET TESTED FOR STDS AGAIN, DONT BELIEVE MTV ADS WHEN THEY TELL YOU IT IS A HARMLESS EXPERIENCE AND EVERYONE SHOULD DO IT
Here's an idea, stop banging shady b****es. For what it's worth, you've come up with the best thread title ever.
You really should've known that it takes longer than two weeks for an STD to be recognizable. I had a friend who once had 23 STD's, although nothing major. That has kept me out of those places.
Kool Moe Dee said it best: I was, walking down the street, rocking my beat Clapping my hands and stomping my feet I saw a little lady so neat and petite She was so sweet, yes I wanted to meet So I asked this lady could I take her out We could wine and dine and we could talk about The birds and the bees in my waterbed And you could treat me like a buddha and bow your head We continued to talk, and before you knew it We were at my house and it was time to do it As soon as I finished, I lost my poise Ran outside and told all my boys I said listen up fellas, come over here, bust it They said did you get it? I said yeah, they said how was it? The p**ntang was dope and you know that I rocked her But three days later, go see the doctor I rocked her to the left, rocked her to the right She felt so good, hugged me so tight I said good night Three days later... Woke up fussing, yelling and cussing Drip drip dripping and puss puss pussing I went to the bathroom and said mama mia! Im a kill that girl next time I see her The madder I got, the more I reminice Why is my thing thing burning like this? Well I remember the first day I saw that girl I just couldnt wait to rock her world I said hey good looking, what you got cooking? What have I done stuck my d*ck in? Now I know why her ex-boyfriend dave Calls her mrs. microwave Cause she was hotter than an oven and I had to learn The hard way stay in the microwave too long you get burned But the p**ntang was dope and you know that I rocked her But three days later, go see the doctor I went to the doctors office, I said what have I got? He said turn around boy and take this shot I looked at him like he was crazy, and I said what? Aint nobody sticking nothing in my butt He turned and said in a real deep voice Have it your way, if thats your choice And Ill put it down if you want me to put it But dont blame me if it turns into a foot Extending from the middle of your body And the next time you see your cute hottie You wont be able to screw, the only thing you can do Is just kick her, so go take karate As I turned around to receive my injection I said next time Ill use some protection If I see another girl and I get an erection Im walking in the other direction Cause I dont wanna do the sick sick dance So Im keeping my p*ick inside my pants And if I see another girl and I know I can rock her Before I push up Ill make her go see the doctor
I laughed out loud. My boss came in here and read my screen. He laughed out loud as well. We both then thought about the experience. Now we are crying.
There are a ton of STD's out there, apparently. But he didn't have any STD that I had ever heard of. (This was over 10 years ago.)
I've had that test done my man and I can relate. It is just a different kind of pain, its hard to describe. Very unpleasant.
Bwhahahhaahaah I have never laughed any harder in my life.. My co-workers are wondering wtf is wrong with me... yaoluv you have made my day...
HAHAHAHA..... you should've thought about the test before you hook up with the shady chick... but normally people won't think about that when thoughts of sex take over... but ROFLMAO!
