Damn, I was just talking a short brisk stroll through Vaginaland and all of the sudden it became apparent that the cool breeze coming off the PeePee River smelled like delicious salt n' vinegar Pringles! I was in Heaven, but not really, because that would mean I'm dead and that would also mean that I was wrong - oh no! what if I'm wrong about everything?! What if I'm not really the sexiest man ever to wear a pair of tabi socks and carry around a 1963 cantaloupe sandwich? UNFATHOMABLE?! I THINK NOT! There are copycats, stealers (like Terry Bradshaw), and magicians hiding behind every U.S. Post Office mailbox these days! WHY?! Because they're bored, mostly. They sit in their offices all day and like to talk about the weather, but the problem is, since the great Weather Destroyer of 1989, there hasn't been any weather to talk about unless you're like Gentle Ben from that one TV show, you know, the bear guy, and you can just talk in bear language to other bears about how the salmon taste, but I don't mean the gay guy bears, because apparently those are fat hairy men that some people have a strange fetish for. I don't understand it myself, but there is so little in this world I truly do understand - unlike when I have a rare glimpse into the power of my own super-strong muscles and I'm all like WOW, DAMN, and then suddenly I understand and I say THADEUS SMASH THADEUS SMASH or something like that, something that sounds particularly Hulk-like and scary and dumb, and then all the ladies come running and I put them in the Escalade on the dubs and we cruise down Richmond Ave. up until the point where a magician jumps out from behind one of those blue U.S. Post Office boxes and makes my Escalade and my ladies disappear! DAMN, WHY DID YOU DO THAT? and then I remember it is because he is bored so I decided to give him court-ordered counselling so he can find his own ladies and his own Escalade instead of getting jealous and making mine disappear in a puff of acrid-smelling smoke because, seriously, that's just wrong.
I didn't see this posted anywhere. A-Rod in more trouble: http://www.nypost.com/seven/0530200...nkee_doodle_randy_regionalnews_dan_mangan.htm
Might as well pimp my awesome cat before the lock: <object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/aU7jnR18Ccc"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/aU7jnR18Ccc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
Hey, you lucked out. If your friend was REALLY an ass, you would be a gay Utah Jazz fan that funds terrorism through the sale of your homemade child p*rnography videos right now...
