Feel free to keep adding on ............... 1 - When anyone gets into an accident or mishap, your first words/thoughts are, "That's a shame." 2 - You insist on referring to your best friend as Bob Sacamano. 3 - Every time you have a conversation about homosexuality, you yell out, "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" 4 - Your favorite author is Art Vandelay. 5 - Your favorite movies are Prognosis Negative and Rochelle, Rochelle 6 - Whenever you watch the Miss America pageant, you end up cheering for Miss Rhode Island. 7 - When you're in a pressure situation, you yell out, "Serenity now!" or "Hoochie mama!" 8 - Every time you walk into your home, you do a "Kramer." 9 - When you suspect something is wrong, you say "Newman" under your breath. 10 -Whenever you eat pretzels, you have to comment on how they are making you thirsty. 11 -You greet people by saying, "Heeeeeelllllllleeeewwww." 12 - You think you have a "move." 13 - Whenever you take something away from someone, you yell, "No soup for you!" 14 - You wear a wedding ring to attract women. 15 - You own a space pen. 16 - You return all your books on time to avoid any confrontations with "Mr. Bookman." 17 - You've won a "contest." 18 - You send out revealing Christmas cards. 19 - You eat Junior Mints, Drake's Coffee Cakes, Jujyfruits, Beefaroni, and drink Snapple. 20 - You store your own blood in your fridge, just in case. 21 - You have seizures when you hear Mary Hart's voice. 22 - You always wear a helmet in fear of "Crazy Joe Divola." 23 - If you conduct, you insist on being called "The Maestro." 24 - You use Today sponges for birth control (provided you're not a male...then again). 25 - You incorporate food, like sandwiches, into sex. 26 - You move back into your parents house. 27 - You're acutally working on a coffee table book. 28 - You believe the black and white cookie is an excellent statement for race relations. 29 - You love to say "Gortex." 30 - You try to impress women by telling them you're a marine biologist or an architecht 31 - You walk around without a bra, or you wear a bra alone as a top. 32 - You try to do the opposite of your instincts in hopes of becoming a better person. 33 - You have no patience for re-gifters. 34 - You can't admit to watching "Melrose Place." 35 - When ever you describe an article of clothing, you embelish it with a "Peterman-esque" story. 36 - You have a hot tub in your living room. 37 - You refer to people as, "bastards" and "son-of-a-b****es." 38 - You call your significant other, "schmoopy." 39 - When asking someone if they're pleased, you say, "happy pappy?" 40 - You don't like having your friends get to know your girlfriend because "worlds could collide!" 41 - You want to name your kid, "Isoceles," "Seven," or "Soda." 42 - Whenever someone tells you shocking news, you shove them and yell, "Get out!" 43 -You're afraid to valet park because the driver might have B.O. 44 - You buy expensive envelopes so as not to expose yourself to toxic glue. 45 - You don't have a wallet cause it might put your back out of alignment. 46 - You want to be a "ball man"for professional tennis. 47 - You break up with your girlfriend because she eats her peas one at a time. 48 - You've changed the size on the back of your jean label to a smaller size. 49 - You've completed a 500 page dissertation on shrinkage. 50 - When considering sleeping with someone, you evaluate whether or not they are "spongeworthy."
I've been saying "That's a shame" for the past 15 years whenever someone tells me there problems. I think he overheard me once and stole my line!
51. You take off your pants before sitting down, because you don't want to wrinkle them. 52. You have an aversion to white, puffy shirts. 53. You really want to be an architect, but you're not sure why. 54. You swear there are bizarro versions of yourself out there somewhere. 55. You refer to the space between where you live and where your parents live as the "buffer zone." 56. You buy your parents a Cadillac just for fun. 57. You lie about being handicapped in order to get a job. 58. You follow a car 45 minutes out of the way in order to tell off the driver merely because they cut you off. 59. You put a garbage disposal in your shower. 60. You absolutely love Superman.
Damn, I actually remember all 50 of those episodes. 51- You have a college intern setting your lunch dates.
62 - If you have ever "stopped short" 63 - You have drugged someone in order to gain access to their toys
64. You buy a car because you thought it was owned by Jon (not John) Voight at one time 65. You get your shoes repaired at Mom and Pop's. 66. You get this weird compulsion to shave your chest hair 67. You can't go out with a woman because you find out that she went out with your sworn enemy at one time. 68. You use "menage a trois (sp?)" to get you out of bad relationships 69. You pretend that you are handicapped to get a job (George at Play Now Sports (? - I think that is what that place was called)). 70. You are a germophobe to the nth degree.
72. Whenever I eat beans I think "Yankee Beans, Yankee Beans, I like my Yankee Beans" 73. When I see a friend's or relative's baby for the first time I say "You gotta see the baby" 74. I want to feed a horse beans to see its reaction" 75. I hate going on airport runs 76. I have an obsession with not forgetting where I parked my car
78. You are scared to hit golf balls into the ocean for fear of killing whales. 79. You want to have your head rubbed with oil... 80. You are scared of Crapes. 81. You wish you had a Frogger machine. 82. You want to name your next party "Newmanium" 83. You want to start a company named "Kramerica Industries" 84. You try to leave on a high note. Kruuuuuugggggaaaaaa!
1,000,006: You hate Seinfeld so much that you throw things at the TV when George and his stupid, un-funny mug show up in KFC commercials. 1,000,007: You hate Seinfeld so much that you throw things at the TV when Jerry and his stupid, un-funny mug show up in American Express commercials. God I hate that show....
85. As holiday gifts, you send out donations to charities that don't exist. 86. You make Jewish jokes even though you really aren't Jewish. 87. You try to get fired from your job, but fail in doing so......repeatedly. 88. You host a talk show in your apartment. 89. Before you think of saying something negative to your boss you think, "What if his wife is in a coma."
90. You date the understudy to a famous star 91. You want to drape yourself in velvet 92. You have friends named Joe Mayo and The Drake 93. You cause a whole family to be put in the hospital because you play "macho head games" 94. You decide that you want to open a business where people can make their own pizza 95. You give your father a couch that has a urine-soaked cushion 96. You go out on a test drive with a car salesman and keep driving until the red line on the gas gauge breaks off. 97. You try to set up a Saab dealership's employees with a "candy line-up" 98. You get a deaf woman to read other people's lips to find out what they are saying about you 99. You get the wrong license plate and it says "ASSMAN". 100. You have to go and pick out socks for your boss.
This one was just on the other night, Jerry gave George the couch (because Pappi urinated on it) and George's dad slept on it because him and his wife were fighting because she saw Kramer fitting Mr. Coustanza(sp?) with a Manzeer (Brazeer for Men). Then George's mom goes out on a date with the Bra salesman, who Kramer and Mr. Coustanza were pitching the Manzeer to. Jerry had to replace the stolen couch from Elain's bosses apt where Jerry was subbing as the doorman and left, allowing the couch to be stolen. So George had the bright idea to give the couch back to Jerry so he could give it to the apts and this would force his dad to move out. I think.
101 - You have ever yada yada'd sex 102 - You have evern driven all the way to Michigan in order to maximize your profits on bottle returns 103 - You have ever sent a female friend of yours to feel your girlfriends breasts to see if they are real 104 - You have ever refused to wear a red ribbon during an AIDS march 105 - You have ever accidentally buried your keys in a pothole
107) You immediately proceed to your room and turn the music up very loud whenever your roommates are watching seinfeld. Frasier for life yo!