Last night, I had to slap my little brother around. 33 years ago, when he was 3 years old, we were involved in a car accident that left him near death and permanently mild/medium brain damaged. He never fully regained his balance. He is a black belt in tae kwon do, and while he did spar on occasion, I believe it was for his learning the forms. He lives with my parents. He has been gradually getting more and more short tempered with people, but most noticeably with my parents. Talking back, raising his voice. Nothing my parents couldn't handle. Last night he hit our mother. He struck her in the chest, pushed her on the bed and restrained her by grabbing her wrists. I don't know why my dad did nothing. I don't think he was in the room when it happened. I don't know why he did nothing afterwards. They are in the 60's and my father is diabetic and my mother has osteoporosis, and they are not as strong as they were when I was young and they would woop my ass. My sister called me and told me what my brother did. I knew what I was going to do if I went over. I tried to stay put, but ended up going over. After my mother told me what happened, I went into the room where he was and locked the door behing me. I'm 39, 6'1--265 He is 36, 5'10, 270. I asked him what the hell he thinks he is doing and had to turn him to get his attention when all hell broke lose. I ended up slapping him open handed three times before I got his attention. My slaps left him bruised and swollen. I immediately sent for ice and ibuprofen and we were able to talk about what has been going on with him. I stayed with him and iced him for about an hour. I feel like crap for what I did. I couldn't face my dad and could barely speak to my mom. I cried when I got home out of shame and sadness. I couldn't sleep. I still feel terrible. Tara and my sister tell me something drastic had to be done because he was getting out of hand, but that's not helping. I'm not proud of what I did. I am ashamed and disgusted with myself, and I don't know if what I did was something that had to be done or could have been avoided. All I know is I feel like crap and don't know how to make up for what I did.
Try to get him some real help. Sounds like he needs a psychiatrist if his behavior is changing like that.
Probably, your response wasn't the most constructive thing you could have done. But, it wouldn't be the first time brothers have fought. Do you think his violence and short-temper is related to the brain damage? Given whatever catalyst he's had, does his anger seem irrational? He might have a worsening medical condition that is affecting his behavior. I would talk to him about that and see a psychiatrist about the possibility.
He's lonely. He sees everyone around him with someone and he has nobody for himself. I feel like he is becoming angry because of a subconscious jealousy he feels because we are all in relationships.
Probably, the core of your bad feelings is based in the fact that you acted out of anger. Right or wrong, what's done is done and cannot be undone. You need to accept this and learn from it. Progressively, the best thing to do now is find steps and course of action in a positive direction. I would recommend that you sit down with your parents and talk with them about the escalation of your brother's aggression toward them, express your concerns for their and your brother's safety and well being, discuss what you all think may be causing it and what can/should be done about it. Consider if a doctor should be involved and possibly medication options. But keep loving your brother, your parents, and yourself. You sound like you hate yourself right now. I'm not gonna tell you not to feel that way, because you feel how you feel and my words probably can't change that. But beating yourself up isn't constructive to you you, your parents or your brother. Redirect your feelings toward building a plan of action with your parents to prevent such instances from happening again in the future.
Sometimes with brain damage, it takes some time before you start seeing changes in temperament and behavior. I'm sure the loneliness that you mentioned is the catalyst for this behavioral change, but it's nothing that can't be fixed. Maybe everyone in your family should make it a point to spend more time with him? Spend time with him doing the things that he enjoys doing.....and don't worry too much about what happened last night. You guys are brothers, and at the end of the day, it'll be water under the bridge. If you show him that you care about him, all else will be fixed.
I will never understand why some of you post real personal life stuff like this on the internet. I guess it's a way for some of you to "vent", but it still shocks me.
i have two uncles on either side of the family who have similar conditions as your brother, on my father's side my uncle is constantly in and out of psychiatric care, on my mother's side my uncle is able to care for himself, both are on pyschiatric medication, both have gotten physical with someone at some point, my father is the only one who deals with his brother since his sister's don't want anything to do with it my grandparents and other uncle are gone, on my mother's side everyone tries to pitch is but psychiatric medications makes people passive and overly dependant, dont fault yourself for doing something you believe was necessary at the time, talk with everyone in your family and come up with a plan that is going to benefit everyone, if you dont do anything to help the situation thats when you take blame, but at this point consider it brotherly love goodluck and i hope you can come to a resolution that you and your family feel comfortable with
i don't understand. Why did you have to slap him to get his attention? Also, how extensive is his brain damage? Are we talking sling blade or franks and beans?
This. Seriously. Your 39 *****ing years old and you have to post your personal business on a public forum for other people to give you advice because you can't handle your own actions/emotions? I can't even take this seriously.
Wow. I was asking for advice? I don't recall asking what I should do. Hmmm. Nice negative rep points by the way.
What makes this place better than other forums is that you CAN come here with personal things, and for the most part, people will try and help. This place is more like a family than you will ever know.
