[SCRIPT] The Life and Times of Mexican Wreslter

first off, let me preface this by saying that I did not write this.

This was found on the Hands Up Houston Message Board. It was written by someone that goes by keef. I have no idea who he is, but I thought some of you here may appreciate this. I know I enjoyed it.

So without further ado, I give you The Life and Times of Mexican Wrestler - by keef

-------------------

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF MEXICAN WRESTLER
originally posted by keef on 5/27/2004, 11:30 am - From the Hands Up Houston Message Board


THE LIFE AND TIMES OF MEXICAN WRESTLER
FADE IN:
Mexican Wrestler goes to a 7-11 and orders a hot dog. The clerk is like "Uh sir? No shoes, no shirt, no service." Mexican Wrestler is like "Yeah? You wanna tangle with Mexican Wrestler? You wanna go? Huh?" and then the clerk is like, "nah, that's okay, here’s your hot-dog" and then Mexican Wrestler is all dejected.

CUT TO:
Mexican Wrestler’s apartment.
Mexican Wrestler has a roommate. The roommate is just a normal guy. One night, Mexican Wrestler doesn't do the dishes and the roommate demands that he does them, but Mexican Wrestler won't, because he's secretly hoping that his roommate will challenge him to a cage match or something, but the roommate backs down and does the dishes and then angrily moves out, leaving Mexican Wrestler all alone.

"Mexican Wrestler, I know we've been friends a long time, but I can't keep living with you. Every time we have a dispute, you want to fight, instead of resolving things peacefully. You need to calm down-- not everything is about crazy, no-holds-barred Mexican Wrestling." And the roommate leaves.

CUT TO:
Some footage of Mexican Wrestler rattling around in his apartment all alone and sad. Drinking beer and watching infomercials.

Then Mexican Wrestler runs out of beer to drink.

CUT TO:
Mexican Wrestler down at the liquor store. The POV is over the clerk's shoulder, looking first down at the ID (which has him shirtless and in the mask and which reads WRESTLER, MEXICAN) and then up at him. The clerk says, "How do I know this is you? Could be anybody under that mask."
"Are you questioning my sacred identity?" asks Mexican Wrestler. "I'll ####in' rassle you in a lock-down no-holds-barred cage match to prove that I am who I say I am! Are you ready? Are you ready to fight Mexican Wrestler?" Mexican Wrestler's diatribe goes on and on, like one of the Rock's like long monologues. He looks around at the empty room and like plays it up for a nonexistent audience. We keep cutting to the clerk's rolling eyes. "... HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO BRING THE MEXICAN WRESTLER DOWN?"
"No, sir, you're obviously you. Paper or plastic?"
Mexican Wrestler's lower lip comes out poutily and his brow furrows.

CUT TO:
Mexican Wrestler’s apartment.
Mexican Wrestler trains at home alone. He’s got a punching clown that he talks to and wrestles. He plays both himself and the punching clown, using a much higher-pitched voice for the dummy. He runs around and pile drives it and stuff.

CUT TO:
The liquor store. This time there is no hassle w/r/t the beer, despite the fact that the Mexican Wrestler has forgotten his ID at home, on purpose.

CUT TO:
The apartment.
When Mexican Wrestler comes back home there's a note on the door from the landlord about the late rent. Since the roommate moved out, Mexican Wrestler can't afford the apartment. He needs to get a job. We should have a couple shots of him going through the classifieds circling things. There is a "MEXICAN WRESTLING" section that is devoid of any ads.

CUT TO:
A crappy, crappy ill-lit office. Mexican Wrestler is applying for a job.
He faces a desk, behind which sits a small bald man smoking a cigar.
"You sure you can handle this job? This job requires a tough man."
“Oh yes, sir, Mexican Wrestler is a tough man. Mexican Wrestler will prove how tough in a cage match, sir, if you like."
"No, that won't be necessary. Are you sure you can handle the heat, Mexican Wrestler? It gets hot out there."
"Mexican Wrestler can handle anything you throw at him, sir."
"Okay, good. I'm glad you're tough. We've hired a lot of p*****s who threw up in the costume and quit their first day."

CUT TO:
Mexican Wrestler is dressed in an enormous foam rubber Cellular Phone costume by the side of the road. He waves and beckons to passersby. He stands in front of a store called "Phil's Cells" or something. He is very animated, dancing around and calling to people.
SUB: “9:00 AM.”

CUT TO:
Mexican Wrestler is still dressed in the costume, but he is far less animated. He has a hand on his hip, looks forlorn, and is doggedly waving people over to the side of the road.
SUB: “12:30 PM”

CUT TO:
Mexican wrestler, in the costume, on his hands and knees.
VO: Loud vomiting noises.
SUB: “3:00 PM”

CUT TO:
The apartment.
Mexican Wrestler drinks beer, watches infomercials, and half-heartedly slaps the punching clown around.

CUT TO:
Mexican Wrestler walking through an apartment building. He’s shirtless, wearing his mask, sweatpants and sneakers, but he’s also wearing a Kelly green baseball cap and a bug-spray kit on his back, with the backpack-straps. He knocks on a door, is let in, bug-sprays an apartment.

CUT TO:
Mexican Wrestler drops the bug-spray can to the floor and collapses into his easy chair. He drinks beer and watches infomercials. The camera pans over: the punching clown lies abandoned in a corner, in shadow.

CUT TO:
POV: back of Mexican Wrestler’s head. He’s got his bug-man gear on, and he’s spraying an apartment.
VO: “Did you come into my apartment without my permission, bug man?”
Mexican Wrestler: “Yeah, you signed the release. What’s it to you?”
VO: “Oh no you didn’t. Get ready to rumble, boy.”
Mexican Wrestler turns around.

CUT TO:
Wider shot of the apartment.
Mexican Wrestler sees that he is face to face with another man wearing sweatpants, sneakers and a Mexican wrestling mask.

CUT TO:
Close-Up of Mexican Wrestler’s face; He snarls and growls.

CUT TO:
Wide shot; they grapple. The new guy forces Mexican Wrestler to the ground on his face, with his arm behind his back. The new guy says “Cry like the little baby you are! You are a disgrace to the world of Mexican Wrestling!”

CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP of Mexican Wrestler’s face. He is grinning wildly as tears of joy stream down his face.

 

you'll need a mask.