When you're just walking around and you see them, I mean. It's weird, right? The first problem is establishing whether or not you should be saying hi to them in the first place. If they're not planning on saying hi to you, then why waste a hi on them? So that's an issue. But then what if you've established that this is a person that yes, you should be greeting? Problem solved, right? WRONG. Because sometimes you'll be walking towards each other and notice each other TOO SOON. The person is TOO FAR AWAY for the simple sequence of: smile, reciprocated smile, "hey," reciprocated "hey," now you're past each other, move along. No. This is DISASTER. What do you do now? There are many options and none of them are particularly appealing. You can pretend you didn't see the other person that soon, look down at the ground for a few yards, then look up "oh HEY I didn't SEE you hi!" which will get you past them. But no one falls for that. It'll only work if the other person does the same thing, because then you are complicit in each other's deception and you're both happy to be that way. You can try to start the smile "hey" sequence early. You can even throw in a "how are ya?" which will get you a few crucial feet farther down the road. The problem with this is that if you start too soon, you'll have to increase your volume, which is weird. And if you don't start soon enough, you've just been looking at each other for too long. Life is tough. I like girls who smell nice
LOL. If this is your biggest problem in life then you're doing pretty well for yourself. I think your core issue stems from fearing rejection from somebody you don't know very well. I say hi to everybody around the office, no matter whether I know them or not.
I unfortunatly have this problem and with the industry i am it can really get confusing lol. I meet so many peopl each day and i tend to forget them easily sometimes. If i see them more than once then i get to know them and it's cool. BUt if it's like once in a blue moon i hardly remember.... Im bad with names too....unless i actually have a convo with you and get to know you past hello how are you etc....then i won't remember your name. It's a bad thing for me being in the bar business but i have been getting better and better =)
At a distance: establish eye contact, small smile, look away when you are just passing them by, say a quick hey. that is the best solution.
Say 'hi' to 'em all the time. It makes people feel good, and.. who knows - you may eventually be friends with them, or working with them, or both, etc. And I like girls who smell nice, too. To me, a girl smells nice when she has a 'clean' smell, not a 'perfume' smell. Floral perfume, specifically, is yucky. -- droxford
agreed - no smell at all is good smelling. Impress me with your looks and personality instead of the chemicals, that kill puppies and whales and contribute the global warming and the downfall of mankind, that you slather all over your skin.
Yeah, I hate this, too! I always think about this walking around a college campus. I think it's pretty awkward, and it annoys the crap out of me for the time I'm walking by the people I'm unsure of whether they should be greeted or not.
My wife does something that will sometimes drive me crazy. She knows a bazillion people, many in state government, who I have seen maybe once or twice, perhaps three times over the course of several years. We'll run into this person/couple at a restaurant, etc., and she'll launch into a conversation with them like I remember who they are. Frequently, I can't recall their names, and spend several minutes doing the smile and nod thing, while I hope someone mentions a name, or some sort of clue. The worst times are when I've never met the person/people, and she thinks I have. This happens far too often. Arrgh!! She's terrific with names and I'm awful.
Whenever i can't remember i name i introduce them to my friend and they usually say their name lol =)
I know what you mean Zac, too bad that isn't my biggest problem. But it's like somebody you sort of know in a class, you see them on campus and you are worried that if you say hi, they won't recognize you and you'll feel silly.
For the name problem, dye your hair blonde and call everyone dude, or in the case of a female, babe or Jim, and insist that is their name
Great post, Zac. I think about this stuff all the time. Here's another oddity. Notice how when you say hello to someone at the office, they'll reciprocate the greeting in the same volume. It works all the time. Try whispering, for example. Lower your voice and say, "Good morning, Jill." Ten bucks says that Jill greets you good morning in a hushed tone, as well. The next day when you see Jill, say, in a voice that is almost booming, "Hey! Mornin', Jill!" Another ten bucks says that she raises her voice, too. I love this stuff.
Which reminds me. I have a pretty funny story about the original problem at hand. There's this guy that I only sort of know at work. His name is Angel. For months now, we've done the awkward-greeting that Zac described above. To compound the situation, I saw him ALL THE TIME. Especially in the restroom. Our bodies must have identical digestive systems. When he urinates, I urinate. When he takes a crap, I take a crap. Kinda like Eliott and ET. Anyways. One day I decide to change this. Why not? I'm not generally looking to make more guy friends--what's the point?--but this is an exception, as the awkwadness has reached the point of abusrdity. So . . . I see Angel in the bathroom. As we're washing our hands, instead of the usual awkward-half-smile-half-frown-head-cocked-to-one-side, I shake things up. "Hey, Angel!" I say, in a loud, confident, how-the-hell-ya-doin!-type-tone. "Man, can you believe it's only Wednesday?" He smiles, clearly appreciating that I broke the uncomfortable tension. So we chat for a couple of minutes. Angel is clearly in a good mood. I'm in a good mood. My friendliness was a huge success. Moral of the story? The next day, I find out that his name is actually Eric, not Angel. I must have mis-heard him when we first met, months and months ago. But God I could swore that he said Angel. Oops.
And that's when you start thinking of the Southwest (?) Airlines commercial, "Need to Get Away??" I have a question... do we place waaay too much pressure on ourselves to comport in the manner "society" supposedly proclaims is the "correct" way? And do we beat ourselves up too much if we don't? I can tell you that I spent at least a couple of decades not really giving a damn about society's opinion, starting when I was 15. Life proved to be much simpler, and far more fun, when I did. I frequently find myself yearning for the days when I acted as I pleased. Of course, I was a pretty cool and groovy dude back then, so maybe that's the reason it worked for me.
Just give them a big, televangelist-like smile, ask them how they are doing, and before they can even answer, say greeeeat. As a somewhat related aside, Lumbergh from Office Space is in the new movie the Ring 2.
If a grown man called me "Angel", I think I'd punch him in the mouth. That's not a good name to guess wrong with. Kinda like calling another man, "precious". Maybe he's into you if he responded in such a friendly manner.
Recently, I've just tried being totally blunt and honest and it has worked better than anything else. First, I just say, "Hey, what's up?" and if they decide to stop and talk, I just say straight up, "I'm sorry. I feel like an idiot, but I cannot for the life of me remember your name." They usually just laugh and things go smoothly from there on out.
Yep. Which is why I was just a tad embarrassed when I realized the mistake. (Also, in my defense, I thought I heard someone else call him that once before. I still can't figure out how I bungled that one so bad.)
