I saw this on another forum, found it amusing. Annotation is in bold. As annotated by Chuckman (don't mind this). DO... * Allow extra time. Arrive Early. * Please Be Patient, as the federalization of security at the airports continues. Yes, we know the feds slow everything down. * Please be vigilant for suspicious activity and report it to authorities. SPY ON YOUR NEIGHBORS! * Keep your baggage with you at all times. As opposed to giving it to a random stranger for no reason. * Please review the guidelines for what you CAN take in your carry-on luggage. Also, make sure you handle lots of pennies. * Bring a government-issued photo ID. (If you have photo identification for your children, please bring those as well.) Yes, we all know terrorists are posing as children... YOUR CHILDREN! * Bring your ticket or a print-out of your itinerary for your E-ticket. We need to know where you're going. Papers, please. * Please prepare your children for the security checkpoints. Advise your children that all bags and toys must go through the X-ray machine. Leave toys at home that could be mistaken for weapons. (For more guidelines for traveling with children, click here.) Megatron has to stay home, Billy. * It is recommended that while in line at the checkpoint, please remove your cell phone and pager, take out your keys and change and put all of them into your carry-on bag. This will save time once you arrive at the metal detector and save everyone time waiting in line. Also, be prepared for a strip search. For women, please note that under provison C-427 A Claus #9 of the USA Patriot Enabling Acts, screeners and federal employees are allowed to cop a feel. * For more information for Persons with Disabilities or Special Needs, please click here. We may have to X-Ray your wheel chair. Deaf people will be beaten because we have to harass you somehow. DON'T... * Carry weapons including guns or knives, in your carry-on luggage. Carry them on your person instead. * Carry prohibited objects like scissors, pocket-knives, mace, and corkscrews. (For more prohibited items, click here.) LOOK OUT! HE'S GOT WINE! * Joke about terrorism, weapons, or firearms while in the airports or threaten or appear to threaten passenger screeners. All remarks like this will be taken seriously. This could lead to arrest and/or fines. At a minimum, you may encounter a delay in travel. Be careful what you say, as you may be imprisoned under the section D-4578 Clause #4 of the USA Patriot Enabling Acts, entitled "Suspension of the right to free speech."
LOL...that is hilarious!!!! I would have been in BIG trouble in 1999 under this. I was at the Anchorage airport at 1:30am (4:30am Houston time). I was checking in for the red eye (the only flight out of Anchorage to Houston that day ). The woman at the counter asked me if I had given my luggage to anybody I didn't know. I told her no. She then proceed to ask me four more times!!!! I then said "not if you won't count an odd Iranian guy over there." She didn't find it nearly as funny as my travel companion. She threatened to call security...I very quickly apologized for being an ass and assured her that my bag had not been out of my sight since I left the hotel.
