Well, I met this amazing woman on eharmony...We've been going out for a little over a month and a half...She has kids which is cool...I have kids so there is that commonality...We get along great...We have sooo many things in common and joke around and laugh and truly have fun...I never thought I would find a great woman who would make me happy... We communicate well, or so I thought...I've been divorced almost 3 years and she told me she'd been divorced for 4...Trust is a huge deal for me and I was up-front and told her I just wanted honesty...Well, I assumed she was divorced, but she called me this morning and told me she lied about being divorced... First off, if you're going to lie, would it be something better or more elaborate? I guess part of me thinks why do that? Why risk it or do it on something that I think isn't that big of a deal...Secondly, shouldn't there be consequences? I mean, if I just forget about it, wouldn't she lie again knowing I'd suck it up? I guess I'm seeking advice on how to respond or handle it as she's saying she only did it because she hasn't been in a relationship in a while and didn't know how to handle it...She didn't want me to judge her...I call BS... Hell, I'm about to go work out and play some raquetball to get some aggression out...
so she really isnt divorced and still married? or she was never married to begin with? lies early in the relationship dont bode well...they should come later
i probably shouldnt be the one giving advice but quick clarification before I give you what I think was she just never married or is she still married when you mean by she was not divorced. if she is still married forget her completely I would say. if she isnt I can understand why she may have not been completely upfront. A lot of people do not want to deal single mothers and the drama they have to go through with their child's father etc. She may have been scared that you would probably react the same. If the child's real father isnt a part of the kids life anymore that would scare away a lot of potential new boyfriends/fiancee/etc. I know one of my friends did want to have the responsibility of being a parent of a child that is not his own when he found out the girl he was dating had a kid whose father left them. I am sure you can re-establish trust in the relationship if you can find out her reasons for lying about being divorced and start anew. It seems that outside of this the two of you get along great, you may not need to through away something special over a pre-conceived misunderstanding
I agree with the early lies in a relationship thing but if I was lied to in order to forgive that person I would need for them to tell me that they lied and exactly what about. If I found out from a third source then, no. Basically if they come out and admit it then I would forgive them but remember that it happened. If it happened again then I would most likely cut them loose.
Is she a Rockets fan? Since it seems like you're actually thinking about forgiving her or what not, I assume she's NOT married. So maybe she hasn't married yet. I don't know how eharmony works, so did she lie on her profile? I don't think this is that bad actually. I mean at least you didn't get invited to a Jerry Springer show. Just tell her how you really feel about this and really let her know that it's not ok to toy with your trust.
Most of us are still trying to clarify this statement. Please elaborate. And don't pull an "Almu" and never come back! I've read some of your relationship threads on here and all I can say is that you need to watch carefully for anything even resembling a red-flag. You've been through too much to put up with any more BS from these women.
give her a cincinnatti bowtie and call it even... if she is still married, its over. if she was never married, its still bad. she lied to you after a few weeks. not that you guys couldn't stay together and work it out, but trust has been compromised.
It doesn't sound good. Does it mean she and her husband considered the marriage over but it wasn't formal yet, or what?
Uh. My ex-wife lied about same when we first started dating. She turned out to be a HUGE liar, and screwed me royally. Get out. Now. It'll save you a lot of heartache later on.
Pay for the divorce then marry her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO PRENUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Agree with ima - you're a good guy, rrj and you don't need any unnecessary drama in your life. Assuming that she is SINGLE and not married, I would give her one chance to explain why she lied to you. Depending on her answer and how much you like her will determine whether or not there is a relationship for the two of you. And if you find her answer satisfactory, then I would do like Lil Pun, forgive but not forget. Trust is the single hardest thing, IMO, to establish between a man and a woman. If you feel like you can't trust her and vice versa, then you have no business being with this person.
Careful, buddy. Last time I dated a married woman going through a divorce, I woke up to bullets flying through windows. Otherwise... Homosexicle?
just bang the hell out of her. make her kiss your ass for a while with dinners, massages, bj's etc...then never call her again and leave with a final text of "sorry, i lied"
Smoke=Fire You know what the right thing to do is.. If you're trying to convince yourself that's it's ok or you can overlook it, you're only fooling yourself.. IMO, it's too early for drama in a relationship like yours with children involved.. Get over her and move on..
