Hi guys, I know I don't post here very often, but I need some advice on mending a broken heart. Here's the story. I started back at university this year, and met this really great girl. We hit it off immediatley, and have since become really good friends. Basically we talk about everything together. I was going to ask her out at the start of the year, but she had a boyfriend so I backed off a bit. Anyway, she broke up with her boyfriend, and a couple of months after that I asked her out. She was really flattered, and told me that she was into me since the start of the year, but thought I wasn't interested because I didn't ask her out earlier. She also said that she didn't want to go out with anyone from her own industry (we're doing screenwriting). We came to a mutual decision to remain good friends, and see what happens from there. So last night she said she slept with a guy from her apartment block who dumped her the next morning. I then poured my heart out to her, telling her that I really liked her and I wanted to be with her. She basically said that she felt the same way but didn't want to risk our friendship by dating. So now I don't know what to do. I want to remain friends with her, but I just can't get her out of my head. I really really want to be with her. How can I fix this? I feel angry at myself for letting an oppertunity like this slip through my fingers, but other times I feel happy that I've kept a really close friend. What do I do?? Thanks.
Nothing wrong with having a relationship with a really really good friend. In fact, it's the best of all worlds. Keep working on it...it's worth the risk!
I have no advice for you. Feel lucky she already knows how you feel. Most of the people I know don't even get that far. Even in the sitcoms they don't get that far. Except for Ross. He did. But then he broke up with Rachel, slept with another woman, and you see what happened. Anyway, what more can you do. You just have to be her friend and hope she wants to date. But don't count on it. You probably should date other women without making her jealous. Just date and get that girl off your mind. She basically told you what to do. Be her friend. If she ever wants to make a move she will do it. You've done your part. You told her how you feel. Just keep yourself busy from here on out and you won't have to worry about thinking about her.
She's bsing you. The line 'don't want to risk our friendship by dating' sounds pretty damn cliche. Especially since she has no problem getting together with some dude from her complex. She's already given you the: 'Work together' excuse and the "friendship is too valuable' excuse. Cut your losses. She likes you as a friend, but as long as she keeps wavering and throwing excuses your way, it seems that's all she wants so don't bother wasting your time. You don't deserve to be led along to...where, nowhere, really. Of course, I could be wrong.
RR Rule #2445 NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH A WOMEN YOU REMOTELY INTERESTED IN BE FRIENDLY . .. but Never FRIENDS Rocket River it is called. .the f.r.i.ENDzone. . cause it effectly ends all chances u have with her
yeah listen to this guy. Remember girls are cats and we are the dogs. Cats meaning they are sneaky deceiving creatures. Here's my 2 cents, change industries and then b**** slap her. It ruins the friendship and then it won't hurt ur screenwriting.
Sorry for the hijack..... I've got a bit of a dilema myself. I moved in with 2 women this fall and have sort of had a bit of a relationship with one, but it's on and off. She is afraid it would get wierd since I moved into the same house. Sad part, but not bad part, is that some days she comes to me, usually late at night after a night of drinking. We talked for a long time one night etc about feelings etc. but she gave her concern about the fact we live under the same roof....danm I wish I didn't accept the invite to move in.... Man.... I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin what we have right now. Ugh.....
Thanks to B-Bob who once pointed me here to this explanation of the meaning of life... http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
I don't think u are getsmartnow - Honestly . . .break up with her I know it sounds strange but. . STOP BEING SO FRICKIN AVAILABLE Go a week maybe 2 without talking to her don't call her . .. just let he SEE what she missing Find other women Nothing helps you get over ya EX girl . . . like the NEXT GIRL Rocket River
Of course not, because you are a FRIEND WITH BENEFITS. Friends With Benefits: This is the case where you get to sleep with a woman or have some sort of intimate physical relations without any sort of committment. All we can say to this situation is: bravo! This is the optimal condition to be in--with as many women as possible. http://www.intellectualwhores.com/manifestations.html
Wow, thanks for all your responses guys. Really appreciate it. The ironic thing is that this exact scenario is just like something out of a movie or tv series. I think I'll just have to cut my losses and tell myself it's not going to work. I'm happy to remain friends, because we really do work well together and get along as friends. It'll take some time, but it will be worth it.
This is a common theory, but I think it's absolute bullsh*t. Friends can become lovers and lovers can become friends. It happens all the frickin' time. You're doing too much talking. Shut the f*** up, get drunk together and make a move.
Excellent advice, as confirmed here: Drunkenness: Of course when drunk we do things we wouldn't do otherwise. Usually when sobriety sets in, there is a return to the tenets of the ladder theory. In most cases, it should be noted, repressed Americans use being drunk as an excuse to do what they wanted to do anyway, so one should be very careful in applying this variable. For example, I'm drunk as I type this, but I would have typed it anyway, even though I might fall back on that excuse if there are a lot of typos in there or it doens't stand up to peer review. Do not let me get away with this.
nowhere near as often as FRIENDLY people becoming lovers and generally. . .that usually when someone is settling . . . after years/months of others dragging them through the mud using and abusing them . . then a light goes off. . . this FRIEND might be something good .. . . but who wants a hurt and used up person . . i guess only a true friend Rocket River Play the odds
My opinion is she is just views you as a friend and basically lied to you about why you two cannot be together so she was trying to spare you any hurt per your feelings but she also lied to you as friends tend to do...err...not. As a friend, you cannot let her get away with that. You want the truth! Can you handle the truth? We need you on that line...we want you on that line....yada yada yada. My advice would be a 3 prong approach. 1.) Rent "When Harry Met Sally" and watch it with her. This will sappy her up. 2.) Go out afterwards for dinner and drinking...maybe dancing. This will loosen her up. 3.) Come back to the pad and show her your photo album on the bed while playing the Led Zeppelin 4 CD. This will melt her up. Then, make your move...friend. Tomorrow, you will be back on good friends level with short term memory loss. P.S.: Follow at your own risk
