[Relationship Advice] Getting serious about a girl

you're pretty much ****ed with the whole Catholic thing, I've seen that more than a couple times.

Might as well start thinking up a "Well you can raise the kids Catholic as long as I get to..." compromise.

 

Tell your parents that God led you to her and wants you to marry her.

And you can't go against God's wishes.

But, in reality it is time to be a man, it is your life, live it.

If she wants to take the kids to mass, let her.

No biggie...marriage is all about comprimise...and sex......the more you comprimise, the more you have sex !



dd

 

You're agnostic? But you were raised in the church? As a former raving atheist turned passive agnostic myself, I say have faith in your kids to figure it out on their own when they're old enough, after all, you did. You can be a corrupting influence when they get into high school. Otherwise, don't let something silly like church get in the way of marriage.

One question though, does your family know you're agnostic? Wouldn't they rather the kid go to church than be raised by two atheists?

 

Its humorous to me that your parents are hardcore Southern Baptist and you're agnostic. It happens soooooooooo many times. I mean, once I got to college and expressed views that were different from my conservative Baptist parents, they pretty much flipped out.

That being said, I'm still a Christian, but to them it's like I hate everything in the world and burn Bibles for fun.

 

hmm, what would Costanza do in a situation like this...

You can secretly tell your kids that Catholicism is maybe not the answer when your wife is not around.

 

Religion sucks.

 

I'm sure glad my wife isn't a bible thumper. I told my daughter can't go to church until she is old enough to have her own beliefs which I figure will be around 10 year old. I don't want anyone brainwashing my kid at an early age.

 

Kind of sad...considering both religions are a form of Christianity. Marraige is about compromise and considering only one of you is really into their faith, I'd suggest you let her raise the kids Catholic, but of course raise them with the power to be independent thinkers and if one day they realize their faith leads them on a different path hopefully they'll know that you'll be supportive no matter what.

But if you can't compromise on this issue (religion is a big one) then you're probably not meant for each other.

 

How can you have your own beliefs if you're not given a foundation first?

 

Nothin' truer.

 

I'm not quite sure he'll have much of a choice. I've known a lot of non-Catholics that marry into Catholicism and no matter what religion they were previously, they end up Catholic. In the least their kids will but likely they'll be converted too. Nothing against Catholics but they sure know how to convert people. My brother is one example. And no he's even harder core than his wife is.

 

I thought you guys were all religious and stuff and that's how you guys found each other?

 

agree. which makes it a tough call on raising kids agnostic i would think (i have no idea what it's actually like)

 

By religion we mean the facades and the lip service and everything that comes with it.

That is what sucks.

Do not confuse the term with personal belief

 

Here's my thought... being raised Catholic myself I, like your girlfriend, have some issues with the church at this point, but on the other hand there is something to be said for giving them a background that has them being exposed to religion, even if it is Catholicism. Like your girlfriend, and like me, participating in the community is what gave us the knowledge to be able to say, we disagree with you.

I went to 12 years of Catholic school, and even by the time I was in the 8th grade and they wanted us all to do Confirmation, I knew the church had problems... and questioned if I wanted to go through the ceremony.

Regardless of what faith your kids are raised in, teaching them about all the other options, or no option at all, is part of the job. She can teach them about Catholicism by taking them to mass and you can teach them about any other religions or belief systems you think they should know about.

There are certain things that all religions are good at teaching:

Treat others as you want to be treated.
Respect your elders.
Don't covet other people's possessions.
Money and material things aren't as important as the people you love and the things you believe in.

but.. that's just my opinion. The fact that it bothers you so much means that you definately need to talk through it before you consider getting married.

Though at this point, I would say its just a detail... like someone said, if you truly want to be together, you will compromise and both give a little to make it work.

shew.. sorry for the ramble!

 

If I were you, I would opt for "home churching".

 

I come from a Catholic family. But one thing they have always done, is let me make up my own mind. They never forced me to go to church when I became old enough, (i guess around the time I started going to public school) they just stressed they would be happy if i chose to go with them. ...and i almost always slept in instead. i have always been the questioning type and i am pretty much agnostic, if not atheist. I always appreciated my parents' open-mindedness and how they let me decide on my own, but i always feel guilty, like i am letting them down.

so i guess what I am saying is, if you don't force your kids to be religious, they probably will choose to sleep in on sundays. but they will respect you for it.

and i don't really know how to deal with the compromise thing. my long term bf used to go to an evangelical church, but after having intelligent conversations about religion and faith, he has become agnostic. if one of us couldn't handle the other's religious faith, i think we would've just broken up.

I think it is possible to teach morals without teaching religion. It makes more sense to me that I should be a good person because of the personal satisfaction I get by helping others, than by the prospect of going to either heaven or hell.

also, if you are okay with your girlfriend's wishes and its just your famiily that isn't, I wouldn't worry about that. I think your family may throw a fit initially, but I'm sure they love you and will still want you and their grandchildren in their lives so they will forgive and forget.

good luck, by the way!