My wife, who was 15 weeks pregnant, found out Friday that she needed to have emergency surgery and that the baby wasnt going to make it. I basically played the stoic supportive husband all weekend and took care of her. She's fine now...doped up beyond belief but home and feeling better. Its been a rough weekend for her. My boss, who is very cool, said I can come back to work whenever I want. I'm figuring at some point this is all going to hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been cool and collected all weekend (except for a slight unnessecary attack of Manny on a different thread...sorry again, dude....) but I assume at some point I am going to feel like crap. Right now I am blissfully numb and just watching a lot of TV. Oh, and I have slept maybe 5 hours in three days. Hell, I woulda taken a valium or something by now but I have a friggin drug test for work on Monday and I dont want the hassle of explaining the situation. So, with all this going down...I ask you this? What do you think is a reasonable time off to get your crap together? I'm not planning on going to work tomorrow.
I think that's something impossible to know, honestly. My sister lost her baby last September and she still has days when she has to call in sick to work. Luckily they understand. All I know for sure is that you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers.
Been through this many times myself . I would try not to dwell on it too much as it was out of your hands. My wife and I had an attitude like "well, back to the drawing board". Its not like we didn't grieve, but we focused more on achieving the goal of having children rather than lamenting the failures. I wouldn't stray too far from your routine (ie - work, socializing), but with that said, everyone handles things differently. Good luck to you guys.
Oh my god. Words are inadequate. Your wife needs you. You need her, and, while it's impossible to quantify how many days it might take to absorb what's happened, and move on, I would say that at least ten days, just to be there for each other. And take the Valium. Tell your employer what happened, tell him you're taking some medication to cope, and get a letter from your doctor for when you do return to work. They should understand.
One thing that occurs to me: you should do some grieving with your wife... together. Sorry about your tragic loss.
mateo, Take at least a week probably more like 2 weeks as Deckard suggested. Hopefully, your workplace is flexible and understanding enough to let you do that. As giddy said, you need to be with her as she goes through her grieving process. But to answer your question - it really is hard to say. My boss's wife had 2 straight miscarriages (the last one they were going to have twins), but he came back to work the next day and just shrugged it off by saying it just wasn't meant to be for his wife and him to have more than 2 kids. Obviously, that is an extreme way to handle it. If it had been me, I think I would had spent about 3 days in the least to probably a week with my wife. But everyone is different - it is something you will have to find out for yourself. You might think you can come back in a couple of days and realize you really can't. Nothing wrong with taking more days off. Once again, sorry for your loss and I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.
My oldest daughter had some serious surgery at a very young age. Men and women respond differently to these kind of situations. Pardon the generalization. Because I didn't grieve like/with her, it seems like my ex-wife perceived that I didn't grieve and somehow she construed that into my not caring. She was resentful. That's why I say it is important for the men to grieve WITH their wives in these matters. It probably will be unnatural for you, but she will appreciate it. I guess it's the wiring...
Sorry, to hear about it. I wouldn't know what to say. Everyone is different. Some are better off going back to work asap as it takes their mind off things while they slowly recover. Obviously many will have problems working for God knows how long.
Mateo, My wife and I went through something similar.....just take as much time as you and her need. In our case, it was much harder on her than me, though it sucks for both. My prayers are with you, DD
