Last night I was playing a game of Scrabble with my parents. My dad, who is prone to make up words when the clock gets past 9pm (because he gets really tired) put down a word that made me bust out laughing and fall out of my chair. On his turn, he spelled out "ho" I looked at him and said "are you serious dad?" He said, "Yeah, ho. You know... a ho!" I said "It's not a Scrabble word dad." Then suddenly I just busted out laughing at the idea of my dad thinking about possible words in his head and coming to the conclusion of using the word "ho" I had no idea he knew what it meant. I guess accidentally watching "Friday After Next" a few years ago broadened his horizons. So what random, out-of-the-blue things have made you laugh recently?
We're suing a bank on behalf of a client...alleging breach of fiduciary duty and some other things...yesterday we had a summary judgment hearing. One of the bank's positions is that they keep great records and if they don't have the things my client is demanding, then they must have never had them. Ridiculous argument that assumes perfection...so the judge says: "Counsel, are you really saying your bank client is perfect?" COUNSEL: No..of course not you're Honor. I recognize they're not. Otherwise I wouldn't have a job! JUDGE: So are you saying that because you were hired in this case, your client must have made a mistake. ME: (while laughing way too hard for a court proceeding) Can we get that on the record, Your Honor?? guess you had to be there...but it was hysterical..everyone in the courtroom was laughing
As I was flipping channels, I caught the end of the Michael Jackson home videos. He was in the backseat listening to R. Kelly's Ignition Remix. I was thinking how ironic, one likes little girls and the other one likes little boys. edit - if Jackson listening to the music of another perv isn't ironic I don't know the definition of ironic.
Wife: There are some brownies missing. Me: Don't ask me, I was on the toilet. Wife: So, you could have been eating them in there. I don't know. Just the thought of eating brownies on the toilet while making brownies is wierdly funny to me
Yesterday, my wife and I went to the Dr. to find out what sex our baby would be. Before we even got started, the lady performing the ultrasound asked us if we had picked out names. We told her that if it was a boy, his name would be Jack and if it was a girl, her name would be Mattie. So anyway, she does the ultrasound and points out all the big stuff, arms, legs, head, feet, etc. Of course, we just wanna know the sex. So she gets done and asks us to go back out to the waiting room. A few mins later, she brings out a printed out picture of the ultrasound. We look at it and it has an arrow pointing to a spot and above the arrow it says "Jack's Parts". My wife and I were just crying laughing in front of all these strangers in the waiting room. I then told my wife that sounds like the name of a used auto parts place or something.
The other day, Tara and I were taking Subway sandwiches home for the boys, and I remembered that the oldest had mentioned that he wanted to try the new sandwich that came with a roast beef dipping sauce...of course, I didn't know the exact name of it so...well, here's how the order went...BTW, it's through the drive thru... Subway : Can I help you? FT: Yeah, I'd like that new sandwich that comes with Roast Beef dipping sauce. Subway: Excuse me? FT: i saw a commercial on TV and you are supposed to have a new sandwich which has a roast beef dipping sauce...Do you have anything like that? Subway: Ummm, we have a philly cheesesteak sandwich. FT: Does that have the dipping sauce? Tara: {giggles} Subway: {At this point a new "higher" voice comes on and actually throws me for a loop, confusing me momentarily}No it doesn't. We have a roast beef sandwich. FT: Does THAT come with a dipping sauce? Tara: {giggles louder} Subway: No Tara: {LOL} FT: Do you HAVE roast beef dipping sauce? Subway: {giggling} No. Tara: {Laughing so hard she's crying} FT: Then let me have a Chicken Teriyaki sandwich. Subway: What kind of chips would you like? FT: What do you have? Subway: {rattles off a list of about a 10-15 different types of chips FT/Tara: {Burst out LOL} FT: Let me have the barbq Subway: Baked Lay's, Regular, or KC Masterpiece FT: KC Masterpiece Subway: And to drink...We have... FT: COKE!!! Coke would be fine... Tara: {Laughing hysterically} The rest of the order went off without a hitch, I know that there was something else that made us laugh even more after we got the order...I'll ask Tara if she remembers and follow up... What a hoot!
actually, the word "ho" is in the official scrabble dictionary... damn drapg, cheating against your own dad in a game of scrabble...sad...
Went to a bar to play pool last Thurs with a few of my coworkers and our waitress was rarely around. The weird thing was that the bar was almost empty and she still was absent all of the time. Of course if we went to the bar to get our own drinks she would lecture us about "her station" and guilt us into waiting for her. Anyway, one of my buds had been at the bar since 6pm, I was at a play at the Alley so I showed up around 10:30. Needless to say he was sorta blotto. Around 12:30 or something, all our beers have been empty for some time, we're getting kinda pissed off about the crap service, and then outta nowhere the waitress shows up. "Do you guys smell something weird?" she says outta the blue. "Yeah," says my drunken buddy. "I've been smelling something for quite a while and I finally figured out what it is." "Really?" she says. "What is it?" "It smells like 4 empty pints of Guinness." Our service improved after that significantly.
A-Train beat me to it. "Ho" is a word, as in "land ho!" That's why your dad should tell you to shut-up or challenge.
doh! It wasn't in our regular dictionary, which I admit is rather dated. I, for one, will not be telling him this fact. I will never hear the end of it for the rest of eternity.
You gotta get the official Scrabble dictionary...you can get it in paperback for 7 bucks...Because the definitions are only a few words long, they can pack a BUNCH of words in there, including my favoritg word of all time in the Scrabble dictionary... zyzzyva - a tropical weevil Of course, there is only one "z" among the tiles, so you'd have to have both blanks, but as God as my witness, I will use that word in scrabble one day...Put that badboy on a triple word score, and it's lights out...
OK ok ok ok ... Tara reminded me what had us laughing... When we were talking about the subs, I asked if we should take the footlong sub or the 1/2 inch sub...I combined 1/2 foot and 6 inch...can you imagine eating a 1/2 inch sub???
Take solace in the fact that if the word was not in your chosen dictionary, then according to the rules of Scrabble, it cannot be played.
