Questions we can't answer...

Yes, we CAN:
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
It could be a button malfunction. These also seem to go out because they are what we press on the device.
- Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
This is what you get for being dumb and not balancing your checkbook. Don't be a cheapskate.
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
We can't touch the stars, but we CAN touch the paint.
- Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
It does. Try to open a two-day-old bottle after you use it for the first time
- Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
It is necessary so that the needle doesn't clog with dirt. Let's make sure we get THAT right.
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
There were pieces of glass and knives, sharp objects, etc., when his parents last lived there.
- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
You got me on this one.
- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
They sometimes DO come back home.
- Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Look it up in Webster's.
- If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
We are an evolved species from the same ancestors, and apes are another species.
- Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
No bubbles are white, they are transparent, but only take the color of the light reflecting the bubble, not the dye in the soap.
- Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Yes.
- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Where did you get this one from? I certainly don't.
- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Try opening the bag and putting it in there yourself. Not so tough against some dust, are ya?
- Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
You're such a weakling.
- How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They're NOT enclosed, and in the summer metal expands.
- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
I do. I don't know about you.
- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Your reaction is to correct something, but you're not looking at the other part.
- In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
It's NOT as warm as it was in summer with the heater. Read the instruction manual.
- How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
'Cuz they watch sports with us.


Got any more?

 

i got one for you, Swoly-D

you're suppose to read them, and then give a chuckle,
not over analyze it. perhaps these are rhetorical.

 

I'm not "overanalyzing" anything... it took me 2 seconds to answer each question (typing it was slower, I have a cast on my right hand)...Perhaps the thread title should be changed, then, Kamster... no?

 

When driving a car, why do you always turn the radio down when you're looking for an address?

 

So you don't get distracted. Some people can leave it on; others, like me, are ADD material... oh, dang, look at that chick on TV...

moes, what's NIMF?

 

rusHour, or Mods, please change the title to Questions Swoly-D can answer.


::snickers::

i cant think of any questions now.

 

I only have two answers, the others questions are not too logic to respond

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Its because you dont want to fight or ague with the other person.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

I dont think you put your warmer 100-102 ºF in the winter. thats hot, and its a diference between hot (like in the summer) and warm.

 

What was that small bump on my left buttock?

Was it okay to pop it?

Will it heal properly or leave a scar?

Why does it hurt so much now compared to before?

Oh, God, what is this white stuff on my fingers, is it on my butt too?

It doesn't smell like pus, it smells like rotten rice, what is this?

Why is it when you have smelly stuff come out of your body, you are compelled to give it a taste?

Sweet daffodils, is my tongue on fire?

I wonder if my roommate will notice if I rub some of this guck on his pizza?

Geez, is there a bigger band-aid I can put over the scar?

Why hasn't it stopped bleeding?

My roommate passed out, should I call an ambulance?

Should I tell them the truth of what happened?

When will I learn not to pop boils on my ass and not to taste the remnants?

 

At your service, nyquil (ironic nickname, btw):

 

What was Captain Hook's name before he lost his hand?

 

Either Black Stache or Captain James Shaft, there's two theories running around... let me get back to you on that one...

 

Some of Swoly's answers aren't right.

 

Yeah, it was a BOIL caused by abscess (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boil). My bad, yo. Hey, what can I say, I help YOU out with your computer stuff, you help me out with nyquil's venereal infections...

 

No thanks.

 

- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

It's our way of saying to the string: "Take that, b****. You thought you weren't gonna get sucked up in the vacuum? Well, you were wrong. Die a-hole, die!"

 

Man and apes have a common ancestor - we did not evolve from them.



It turns out that coloring a bubble is an exceptionally difficult bit of chemistry. A bubble wall is mostly water held in place by two layers of surfactant molecules, spaced just millionths of an inch apart. If you add, say, food coloring to the bubble solution, the heavy dye molecules float freely in the water, bonding to neither the water nor the surfactants, and cascade almost immediately down the sides. You'll have a clear bubble with a dot of color at the bottom. What you need is a dye that attaches to the surfactant molecules and disperses evenly in that water layer. Pack in more dye molecules, get a deeper, richer hue. Simple. Well, on paper anyway.

but some dudes recently figured out how to make colored ones. http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/0a03b5108e097010vgnvcm1000004eecbccdrcrd.html

 

When Donald Duck walks around he wears a shirt but no pants. However, when he gets out of the shower he puts a towel around his waist. What's that all about?

 

You clearly have Darwinian evolution confused with Lamarckian evolution. C'mon guys...don't y'all know anything?

 

This brings to mind another question, How is it that Goofy lives in a house and walks on 2 legs and Pluto lives in a dog house and lives in Mickey's backyard and walks on all fours? Is it slavery?