ENGLISH --- ASYLUM FOR THE VERBALLY INSANE (Author unknown) We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop? And that is just the beginning--even though this is the end
Foreign language speakers who have learned more than one language than their own most often say English is the hardest language to master.
no one has ever explained it like that to me before. thank you, thank you. a thousand times, thank you.
why does this sentence sound so weird, "Look dude, her red panty is showing through her tight short." vs "Look dude, her red panties are showing through her tight shorts."
English may be one of the hardest...but I can't really blame the language. What's more logical...a small group of people way back when sitting down and writing out a whole list of grammatical rules to follow, no matter what, or a language that evolves over time, and therefor has a number of intricacies?
Great stuff. I love [making fun of] the ENGLISH Language! No, it's just the easiest language to pick on. Follows no EFFIN' rules AT ALL. How do you pronounce: T-W-A? and T-W-E? how about T-W-I? Now pronounce T-W-O. Not good.
If you find this stuff interesting may I recommend The Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson. Editorial Reviews Amazon.com Who would have thought that a book about English would be so entertaining? Certainly not this grammar-allergic reviewer, but The Mother Tongue pulls it off admirably. Bill Bryson--a zealot--is the right man for the job. Who else could rhapsodize about "the colorless murmur of the schwa" with a straight face? It is his unflagging enthusiasm, seeping from between every sentence, that carries the book. Bryson displays an encyclopedic knowledge of his topic, and this inevitably encourages a light tone; the more you know about a subject, the more absurd it becomes. No jokes are necessary, the facts do well enough by themselves, and Bryson supplies tens per page. As well as tossing off gems of fractured English (from a Japanese eraser: "This product will self-destruct in Mother Earth."), Bryson frequently takes time to compare the idiosyncratic tongue with other languages. Not only does this give a laugh (one word: Welsh), and always shed considerable light, it also makes the reader feel fortunate to speak English.
