Okay, long story... I am getting married in about 3 weeks. It's going to be a small, intimate wedding (about 60-75 people) at a ski resort about 20 miles from my house. It should be very nice. The total cost of the wedding will be about 7 grand, of which my fiance and I are paying for completely on our own (with a tiny bit of help from her parents). My mom basically invited my step-sister (who she told us not to invite), and her daughter (my step-niece?).This is normally fine (even excluding the fact that we are paying, yet my mom invited them), but I've only seen my step-sister about 4 times in the past 5 years. She doesn't do family functions with my step-family, and just generally doesn't come around. I think my fiance has met her twice. My step-sister has a lot of demons of her own, but I am fine with having her at our wedding. The issue is with her daughter coming. Her daughter is about 6, and we had previously said no children at the wedding, adults only. The only problem is we have made one exception in my two nephews who are flying 1500 miles here from Houston, with my real sister. Honestly, I'm a lot closer with my nephews, and could care less if my step-sister, and step-niece, who live locally, make it. A little background on my mom. My mom has basically become a basket case since the death of her father. She quit working, which essentially led my parents to a divorce. I have lived with her through thick and thin. I lived with her and did fine on days when she didn't have enough money to give me 40 cents to buy my reduced lunch at school because she was too lazy to work. Neither her or my step-dad worked from the time I was 15, until I moved out at 19 or 20. I'm a survivor though. My fiance and I do fairly well for ourselves. So, my mom is absolutely upset that we won't invite my step-niece who I've met maybe twice. She is threatening to boycott the wedding. I honestly, am down to my last nerve with her and could care less if she does. Because neither of them work, she had to borrow money from my sister (who is a single mother of two), and borrow a truck from my grandmother so they could drive up to my wedding that's she's known was going to happen for three years. I just have no sympathy if you can't save up money to visit me in three years. In fact, when we bought a house, she kept tabs on when/if we got our tax credit. I'm not sure, but part of me thinks she was going to ask for a "loan" to get them up here. So I never told her. Don't get me wrong. I'm typing all of this while I'm boiling mad. I'll always love my mom...but... Am I in the wrong in not inviting a six year old to my adults-only wedding? Is it wrong to invite who I want to my wedding that I've busted my ass off to be able to afford for the past few years? Or is my mom wrong for trying to tell me who to invite to a wedding she is paying nothing for?
In the end... this^ My sister-in-law's mother threw a fit before their wedding and ended up not going. Upset my sister-in-law but in the end her mother missed out the most.
This. Make it special, and only invite those you want. <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lH3hrtp1T84?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lH3hrtp1T84?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>
Oh, I'm going to regardless. In the end, they will be the ones kicking themselves when they aren't there. It's their prerogative, and if they choose not to come, that tells me a lot about how they feel about me.
Your mother's not getting married. I'm stubborn on giving into ultimatums... especially when it's your event.
Correction. It is your wife's wedding, do what she wants. I don't know the financial impact on you for both of them to come, but you shouldn't care about your niece since your nephews are coming. Its not her fault she doesn't have a relationship with you. Nothing wrong with telling someone you can't afford for them to stay at the resort and say they have to pay for themselves if they want to attend. It isn't your responsibility to cover them.
Honestly, I could care less, and I think it's beyond that point. The point is almost that my mom put me in a tight spot by inviting my niece without either of our consent, and refuses to tell my step-sister, "Oh, wait! I screwed up! It's adults only," and is now turning this into basically, "an invite my granddaughter, or I choose her over you and I'm not coming!" event. It should have been a five minute conversation. Over. Done. That's what a normal person would have done.
I don't see the big deal with having a kid at the wedding. I mean, you're already allowing two other kids there. But yeah... I agree with the person who said to LET YOUR WIFE DECIDE.
Man that sucks.. I don't wanna say anything bad since it's your mother and all. If it's "them or you" and she's threatening to chose them, then so be it. Drop it, forget it, have fun on your wedding!
If it is worth it to you to possibly tarnish what relationship you have with your mom then don't invite them. If you value your relationship with your mother then invite them. It appears that hard feeling may linger after the wedding if you don't invite them, and all will be forgotten/forgiven if you do invite them, but then again I am not close enough to the situation for my opinion to be taken for any thing more than my opinion.
Congrats on the nuptials eddie. Only you know your family dynamics and you are (IMO) absolutely in the right here. But pick your battles. You're fine with your step sister -- though understandably pissed your mom took it upon herself to invite her -- so the issue is her 6 yo daughter? And there will be two other kiddie relatives there? I'd tend not to sweat it. Wouldn't want anyone feeling snubbed . Not a conflict I'd want on my wedding day. But again -- your family. And I'm blind to all the other considerations -- such as your wife's thoughts, and whether other family members would be miffed at having their youngsters excluded. Your mom's wrong and you're right to be pissed. But focus on doing whatever will result in you and your fiancée having the best time at your wedding with the fewest regrets later.
If your Mom is contributing any finances to the wedding, she has some pull in being able to invite someone. If she's not paying for anything, she has no say in the matter whatsoever.
Isn't life....complicated. If the issue is simply having a kid there, I don't see the big problem. It's just a kid. And you've already made exceptions for other kids, one more isn't going to ruin everything. Just ask yourself, will you regret it if your mom doesn't show up as a result of one decision? If not, just do it your way. If so, just let the kid come. Trust me when I say I've got a lot of family issues myself, so I don't want to lecture you, but I kind of feel like maybe it goes deeper than just a no kids issue. I'm sure you'll do what works best. Relax, get lost in love, enjoy your wedding. Congrats.
One other thing... if you do decide to not let your step-niece come... make sure you make it clear that the decision was yours. Don't let your mom think it was your wife. You're her son and she'll forget soon enough. With your wife she'll harbor it a long time.
It seems like you could be the peacemaker and easily resolve this particular problem. She six, not a toddler who might cry or disrupt the wedding. Nobody will even notice or remember if she's there or not. This issue here is with your mom and possibly your step-sister. Those issues can be addressed after the wedding, if at all at this point. Not allowing the 6-year old to attend does nothing for your relationship with your mom or step-sister. Allowing her to come isn't really a strain. Maybe you should talk to your mom about some of your other concerns AFTER the wedding.
Tell your mom the kid can only come if your Mom gets a full time job. I kid, I kid......it is your wedding, sounds like all of you have been placating your mom long enough, she needs to grow up. DD
