Some of you may be surprised to find out that I am in fact a Christian. I grew up going to church, was baptized at 14 when I fully realized that I believed that Jesus Christ was the Son of God. I stopped attending regularly once I left Katy because I could never find a church that I enjoyed and felt more at home with than the one in Katy. I always said if I moved back to the area, I'd attend. However, something's been holding me back. Part of it probably has to do with politics, as I've always kinda known. Looking back, it seems that my old church was very apolitical, but I'd hate to go back and find out they aren't. However, I've come to the conclusion what it is. My brother. As some of you may know, my brother manages a Sprint store. RM95's Girl works for him (she started after we met). Yesterday, he asked RM95's Girl to give me a Promise Keepers DVD to watch. She replied that she doubted I'd watch it because of the aforementioned political aspect of it (which I'm not sure how politicial they are, if they are at all. I'm basing my opinion on how my brother reacted after he went to his first meeting...I'm open-minded to the possibility that they aren't political). That's when he, at work, decided to drop the gem that Democrats can't be Christian. At that point, RM95's Girl was upset because she's Christian and Democrat, but more importantly to her, her mother is a devout Catholic who happens to be a raging liberal (yeah, she's the one). She voiced this and then went to lunch. When she got back, he apologized to her, mentioning her mom (he really respects her because a few years ago, she was given two weeks to live, never gave up and beat the cancer). That upset me because he's said stuff like that to me and never apologized, and I'm his blood! Regardless, one of her co-workers came over last night and we were discussing this, and apparently, he's made numerous disparaging remarks regarding other religions or denominations like Islam and Catholics. So, I was pretty upset at that point. Today, it still bugged me, so I sent him an e-mail: Jeff, I appreciate your apparent concern into my religious beliefs. However, I am quite comfortable with what I believe at this moment in my life. What I don't appreciate is you not respecting my beliefs. Saying I can't be a Christian and a Democrat is a slap in my face, my girlfriend's face, and many other Christian Democrats that I know. Being judgemental is not a very Christian-like attitude, last I checked. I'd appreciate it if you kept your personal feelings about my politics and my beliefs out of your workplace. Not only is it not respectful to me, RM95's Girl, or, quite possibly some of your other employees, it's most unprofessional. I immediately regretted sending this e-mail. Not only did I really not feel like getting into a discussion about it, I didn't want anything to happen to RM95's Girl at work. That changed when I got his reply: If I respected your opinion or thought it even mattered I would have asked for it. My only motivation is your salvation. I have very seldom if ever started a conversation about you with RM95's Girl (name changed to protect the beautiful). Matter of fact now that I know our conversations are not confidential I will stop saying anything to RM95's Girl as I instructed her to do a while back. It is a shame she has decided to share things and share them out of context. Blake, ask yourself one question. What is your purpose in life? Your political beliefs will never get you where you think you want to be. Another beer will never get you where you want to be. More sports will never get you where you want to be. You can be the President of the United States and still be empty. Those things are not wrong in and of themselves as long as you have a purpose that truly matters. On the other hand you can also be a forgiven sinner that is unprofessional, discourteous, judgmental, incorrect, hypocritical and all the other adjectives you have used and be destined to live forever in God's glory. Thankfully not by what we have done, but by what Christ did for us. I have my political beliefs if you want to call it that, most importantly I attempt to base everything I believe on what truly matters the most, God's word.(which happens to be 100% truth, every page, every line) Try to disprove it. Those that have honestly tried have failed and are now on fire for the Lord. I also try living every minute I can in such a way that shows the Lord I am truly thankful for the gift of salvation he has given me. That is my purpose if your interested. Knowing that I will fail every day, knowing that I will respond to co-workers incorrectly and knowing that I will be misunderstood and most importantly knowing that Jesus will be there to get me through all my failures and still come out with a purpose. Ask yourself another question. Why haven't you gone to see The Passion? Why haven't you viewed the DVD I sent with RM95's Girl? Why haven't you read the book I gave you? Why haven't you gone to church? Why haven't you done anything to secure a relationship with Christ. Why do you let your political beliefs get in the way of a personal relationship with the one and only true God? You are the only one who has that answer, but I know it is a spiritual battle and your sole is at stake. So who cares if you think I was unprofessional, thankfully I do not answer to the worlds views. I am not out to impress you. And don't respond to this email, if you have something further to say, say it to me in person. Stop hiding behind email, last I checked this started off as a conversation with RM95's Girl, you took it to email and I responded in email. I know you can't read my tone or my motive in this. I also know you don't understand, but this is out of love. Tuff love!!! Please reassure me that this isn't how a majority of Christians really believe. If so, my search for a church will have stopped and I'll continue my own personal relationship with God. Of course, I immediately call my family and tell them about this. I'm years behind when it comes to realizing the truth about my brother, and they're helping to soften the blow. He cares about no one but himself. When my Dad was forced out of his job my junior year of high school, they really wanted me to be able to attend Katy my senior year. Jeff says sure, he can stay with us. $300 a month for the room in our house is all we ask. Plus mowing the yard and taking out the garbage. My Mom had to move down from Chicago so that I could graduate with the friends I had for 13 years. His wife had his first baby in December of 1993. Due to my Dad being forced out of his job, luck would have it that we were all living in California except for Jeff. We decided to spend that Christmas at Lake Tahoe. On that morning, we call to wish our new nephew/grandson a Happy First Christmas, and all we get is him b****ing about the fact that we didn't invite him to come to Tahoe. Dude, your wife just had a baby and money was already tight before that. Not to mention it was a last second decision. Next Christmas when my Mom bends over backwards to try to get them to go to Chicago for Christmas, they refuse. They also claimed they couldn't afford to go this past Thanksgiving, even though two months later they buy a new house, put in a pool, and he took that entire week off to go camping. They became vegetarians for a few years because they believed that the Bible said we should only eat fruit, vegetables and bread. Eating meat was a sin. There were two Christmases that we all gathered together for during this time. The first one, which we were damn sure to invite them to, they'd tell my nieces that they were poisoning their bodies and sinning by eating meat. Yeah, four year olds like to hear that. The next one, they ate meat, after my Mom had made them a special meal. What happened to being vegetarian? They can cheat on special occasions! That's good Christian behavior!!! It's a sin, but on Chirstmas, we can sin! That's funny and sad on multiple levels. The worst though is this. The only time he called my sister after she lost her baby, it was to b**** about the fact that my other sister and I didn't call him to tell him we were going. Not one single phone call since. I'm done with my brother. RM95's Girl has been asking for a transfer because he treats her unfairly because he doesn't want to appear to be playing favorites. However, he won't let her transfer because she's their best seller. She's looking for a new job immediately. I'm not going to call him, bother inviting him to any more family functions (rest of the family had stopped. The only reason they were at the last two Christmases were because of my asking them). If he, or his wife, or his kids are ever in a bind, I'll be there. But, as far as I'm concerned, the only brother I have is my brother in-law. Thanks for putting up with that.
Well, I can offer the reassurance that not all Christians are like that, but you really know that already. Family can be interesting. There's always someone who you'd never spend any time with at all if you weren't related. Judging by how often my family talks to me, I'm that guy in my family.
Can we switch. I wish my brother danced around his apartment like that and made movies! Thanks, man. Another question. If he still refuses her transfer and RM95's Girl has a hard time finding a new job soon, how ****ty would it be to inform the higher-ups at Sprint of this. It's not long before a lawsuit happens.
I'm not a very religious man, but I have a lot of respect for Jesus just because he has to love people like that.
We don't get to choose our family rocketman95. You are both becoming adults with different lives. If your brother is going to treat you and those you love like that, you must press upon him how you feel and set the parameters. It has to be done! You can do it with love and tolerance. You can press upon him your love. But it is up to him to accept and learn to respect you. And you must come to terms with him and his life. Can you? If you can and he can, GREAT!!!! If not, just go in love and hope for the best. And always keep the light on!
Sorry to hear all that, RM95. Your brother's a radical and a zealot. All religions have them. You know better than to think his attitude's the norm among Christians. I can't counsel you on your personal relationship. But as far as your girlfriend's concerned, she shouldn't have to look for another job because of your brother's harassment. Your brother should grant the transfer if he doesn't want you going to Sprint.
Rocketman95,...your brother seems to impose an only way to engage your relationship with Christ according to his views and standards,...and maybe he does have validity in his meaning, but his delivery to arrive at his meaning seems to be poor...No one man can walk and talk the truth...only Jesus himself... I can understand how his wayward vivaciousness associates to your embracing Christ further and the church...but don't let it happen. In my opinion, It first starts with your personal relationship,...i.e. prayer, closely second, reading the bible...and a fairly 3rd place in attending a religious institution. Consideration and kindness seems to be virtues that are lacking from him, and I wish you the best. He is still blood, but your primary family is in the future for you... Good luck and best wishes...
RM95, I think you accidentally let RM95's Girl's name slip in there (near the end of your Bro's email), in case you want to go back and edit it out. On to the point, although we are taught that we are supposed to evangelize, not every Christian does it. Those that do, don't have to be a dick about it. The worst kind of Christian is the one that says you will burn in hell if you __________.
I consider myself a cultural Christian. I find more Comfort in a body of believers than Truth. All people are flawed but that is a group that is, in general, well-meaning and constructive. My older brother is a dedicated Christian-- dedicated in ways that I can neither understand nor match, but he never makes me feel inadequate or uncomfortable about our differences. He uses a principle of attraction rather than submission. Wish that it were so for you and your brother.
Hey RM95, let me first say that I doubt I can carry on any type of dialogue since my wife and I just had our 1st kid and I'm so very tired. I know witnessing to family is one of the hardest things to do because they know all your shortcomings and they have memories like elephants. It's sad to see that his apparent "life" testimony to you doesn't jibe well with his response. He almost makes it seem more based on works than on relationship. But try to imagine a really loving, caring, and compassionate guy who you knew before as someone totally different. This imaginary guy had seemed to make a total 180 turn-around in his life. This guy's life would be consistent with a message of holy love and forgiveness. Now imagine this "guy" wrote you that e-mail. Does the tone change for you? It does for me, and makes me think that your brother needs to work on his people skills (particularly compassion and forgiveness). People could tell you many Christians act like or don't act like this, but you will never know until you find out for yourself. Sorry for the drama, dude.
RM95-- Hang in there. If it helps at all, I've got a Dad like your brother and have undergone a similar journey... everyone I've talked to who has been through the family kind of thing you're describing had it come about by either finding the great love or having the other great love, kids. It changes your way of looking at the world and for some of those who aren't whole, it challenges them because they realize they are in danger of losing either control of you in some way or they are in danger of losing their idea of you which is wrapped up in their warped view of themselves. For some reason, growth and love are threats, maybe because it points out their own inadequacies. If your brother doesn't want to change, marginalize him in your life by taking the high road... send Christmas and birthday cards, etc., while remembering your relationship with your girl is too important to get bogged down in the crap he wants to get you bogged down in... get her a new job and walk away as much as possible. Still, if he gets to the point where he sincerely wants to change, be the first to offer a hand. Good luck buddy.
I'd tell him to leave my shoe out of this. RM95, I happen to be a preacher, and a conservative one at that. I'm sure your brother means well, but there's no excuse for his behavior. He's certainly not the only religious person that acts this way. There are plenty of them. In my opinion, here's the best way to deal with things like this. (1) Be the bigger man. No one wins in a shouting match, even if the shouting is done through email. While I wouldn't excuse what he did if I were you, you can choose be charitible in the way you respond. "I appreciate your concern for me...but..." You never know, maybe you can change how he handles things by setting an example. (2) If there's anything that could have been a legitimate point had he not taken a buzzsaw approach, take it into consideration it anyway. Whether or not something is worth considering doesn't depend on the attitude or the approach of the person that brought it to our attention, does it? It does, however, make it harder to do. But there's no reason you can't use even this situation to better yourself and grow as a person, regardless of what your brother chooses to do. I'm not saying that I excel at this myself. But I'd probably be better off if I at least tried to do these things. I hope it all works out.
It is called insecurity. Your brother seems the type who has to know he is "right". He clings to concepts of absolutes. Thank god he is in no position of power. Don't even play his game.
Dude, not as big of an issue as you think. I've got a younger brother who has been married for 6 years. Two kids. Doing well. Problem is we differ GREATLY on our beliefs. We grew up Episcopalian. Although we never were in the same grade schools together, we both went to Texas Tech at the same time. Both of us went to the same Fraternity there, and we were roommates throughout college. We both graduated in 1996. (He's 18 months younger, BTW.) We developed a closeness in college that bonded us one hell of a lot more than the prior 18-19 years. And I also partied a hell of a lot more in college than he did. I typically went out 5-6 nights a week. He probably went out 2-3 nights a week. Problems started when we both got back to Houston. After about a year back, he was introduced to this girl. 6 weeks later they were engaged. 2-3 months later they were married. We all had raised eyebrows over that. His wife was/is in the Church of Christ. Very unorthodox religious denomination, if you ask me. He started going there. Then more and more, and so on. My point in all of this is he is now a Bishop at the Church of Christ. Goes to Church at least 3 times a week. He doesn't eat red meat. His wife is a vegan. He no longer smokes at all. (used to be a bigger smoker than I am (which gives me hope.)) He no longer drinks at all. (his point on the "at all" was that he couldn't preach against it and do it or he'd be a hypocrite.) Now we are talking about someone who I could say was honestly one of my best friends in college, so to see all of this in a fairly rapid period of time upset the hell out of me, and I let him have it. (there are certain advantages to being the "Older" one.) We were out of touch for a while. About a year ago we met up for Christmas. I left my views at the door. So did he. We had a great time. We are, once again, great friends. My advice? Let it go. Period. He's not going to change his views based on your opinions, and vice-versa. The sooner y'all realize this, the sooner this problem can be mended. Just accept the fact that people can have widely different views, and still get along. Hell, most of my friends disagree with me on my political and religious views. They also know I'm not going to change unless I want to. Hope that helps.
Unfortunately for RM95 he is in a position of power. He is RM95's Girl's boss and as such has some power over RM95. RM95. I'm not about to get into counselling you about your family or religion, my family is wacky enough, but you definately should address the job situation with your girlfriend. IMO its totally inappropiate and unprofessional of your brother to be trying to use your GF to influence your religious beliefs. Whether your brother thinks he is not showing favoritism by treating her harshly that doesn't change the fact that he used his position of power to try to convert you through her. If he wants to convert you he should've talked to you directly and never even made it an issue to one of his underlings even if that person is his brother's GF. You and your GF should start looking for a new job for her and if this happens again while she works for him she should report it to her higherups.
Just out of curiosity, what is it about the Church of Christ that you find unorthodox? I'm not trying to put you on the spot or anything. I just happen to preach for one, and I'd like to know what your view is from the outside.
Short answer to a long message-- but f. him. He sounds like a self righteous jerk. If my sister ever pulled that crap I would excise her without even thinking about it. There's not enough time in life to put up with that bullshi-t, especially from friends and family.
To be honest, and there is no way that you are going to like this..... 1) The fact that you want people to be in the church 3-5 times a week. In my opinion, church is there so you can worship. Period. Trying to tell people to be there more for their own sake bugs me. 2) Your affiliation with the Mormon's. Sorry, but I find this life unacceptable. Church of Christ is one step removed. 3) Your marital vows. Look, I'm a fairly chauvanistic person, and even I took offense to what was said during the wedding. I can go on about other things, but this had my brother and I at odds for a couple of years, and I'm not trying to bother you. BTW, as an Episcopalian, as well as a Christian, I've really, really liked Joel Osteen's stuff at Lakewood. Not that I will ever change my denomination, (I think that is just wrong), I can guarantee I'll show up for a sermon. He just makes you feel better. And to the preacher's out there...... Pay attention.