Parenting Question: What Punishments is Acceptable?

Rename the child

 

Over in one. Last one out, turn off the lights.

 

i'm 12 wat is this?

 

White people...... beat your kids.

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Has it ever been explained why Rocket River posts in that bizarre style?

 

yipes.

 

If a kid is old enough to reason then they are too old to spank. Spanking should stop a lot earlier than ten. If a child is unruly like that ten year old girl, then the parent did not do a good job parenting when the child was younger. As far as punishment, I make my kids clean the house, wash my car, and do the dishes. When they are very bad, my house is very clean. : )

That being said, it is really hard to know how often to punish. My kids are 16 and 17 now. When I look back, I wonder if sometimes I should have been easier on them, then there are other times when I wished that I punished them more.

 

I really do feel that you can be a quite effective parent without resorting to physical punishment. I think if a parent has trouble disciplining their kids, then perhaps they let them get away with too much in the first place. Seems many kids are being spoiled to the core these days or that many parents are just too lazy to be actual parents. This doesn't include those kids with real psychological/developmental problems though.

We do all the usual stuff...timeout, no bedtime story, no tv (he watches an hour of his shows a day), ignoring him if he throws tantrums, etc. No doubt it will get harder as he becomes more independent and rebellious (he's only 2 1/2 now), but I think laying a solid foundation now will go a long ways once they get older.

I think the biggest thing though is to establish yourself as the authority figure, and be consistent with your parenting and discipline. And for God's sake, don't give into the kid everytime he starts to get upset, or give him anything he wants just because he/she starts to nag you.

 

Don't feed it. You're the alpha... oh wait, we're talking about a child...? Same thing.

 

rimrocker's 10 rules to successful parenting (so far, more or less it seems)...

1. Between the ages of 2 and 4 they have to learn that they are part of the world and not the center of it.

2. Be a parent first, a friend second.

3. Don't act out of anger.

4. Punishment that is physical pain is ineffective.

5. Choose a punishment that fits the transgression. Removal of privileges is usually a good way to go.

5. Be firm but fair in your punishments.

6. Don't decree a punishment and then back off of it because it may be inconvenient for you or your child.

7. Love your child.

8. Love your child a lot.

9. Tell them you love them.

10 Tell them you love them a lot.

 

Agree with all except the bolded area. My parents gave me spankings as a child, probably got my last one around 6-7 years old. I think it was very effective, I can remember isolated situations where i acted like a fool in a restaurant and my dads words of, "Come out the the car with me." Needless to say, i straightened my ass up.

I dont think there is a right/wrong way to raise a child, as long as you are doing it with all the right intentions and you are able to get your point across w/o abusing them mentally/physically.

 

The trouble with spanking is that many adults were "spanked" by very angry parents, very hard to the point of serious abuse. So that is what they think of when they consider spanking and are horrified at the idea. While that is not necessarily what is going on it means that parents are often afraid to spank, no matter how lightly.

JV said he would use "whatever works" meaning he wasn't taking any parenting tools out of the toolbox, just in case he needed them. We have a 4 1/2 yr old, 2 yr old and two 8 week old kids. The babies, obviously, aren't getting any sort of discipine. The older ones get reasoning, bribes, threats (idle and otherwise), timeouts, loss of priviledges (taking the offending toy away) and very rarely spankings. And counting. Somehow they shape up when I start counting even though I rarely tell them what might happen when I get to 3. Spankings are light. Very light. Their butts feel more pressure when they sit down on a chair. It's the concept of having been disciplined that they are responding to.

But every child is different and will respond differently at different points in their life. I think it is important for children to learn to respect authority at an early age, with the understanding that there are exceptions but obedience is the rule. It is also important to give children age appropriate freedoms and not turn every little thing into a battle. They also need the security of being able to trust their parents. This means not only not being afraid of their parents but also trusting that their parents are there to help guide their behaviour. I think the latter aspect is what is often missing when kids grow up without discipline.

Someone observed that when children played in a park with a fence around it they used the whole park right up to the fence. When there wasn't a fence they tended to stay near the actual playscape. Having firm rules with consequences provides a similar sort of security to explore what is allowed without fear of crossing some invisible line. Kids just want to know where the line is.

 

If you do #3, then hitting your kid in very limited circumstances is VERY effective. You must be consistent and use it as a last resort, but it is highly effective.

As far as loving your kids a lot... yes, but do not let them think they are a special unique snowflake in this world. That is a big part of the problem we have in the USA right now...

 

my dad beat the **** out of me coming up and i turned out fine. except now i beat the **** out of him.

 

Behavioral studies have shown that violence used against children is extremely less effective than other disciplinary measures, and is usually counterproductive; therefore, the entire premise of our cultural "spare the rod" failings in the OP's post is, I believe, unfounded.

I blame his parents.

 

Spanking doesn't work on my 3 yr old, but if I make her stand in the corning it's the end of the world.