Here's a condensed list of what each of our players needs to do during the offseason: 1) TMac-absolutely no weight lifting, swim major laps in the pool, inversion therapy 2 hours a day every day, 2 hours of massage daily, move all family and loved ones to hyperbaric oxygen commune. 2) Yao-do what you did last offseason, do not play a bunch of minutes and overextend yourself, catch medicine balls one handed thrown by the Jugs machine, practice yelling at the top of your lungs "Gimmedadamball!" 2 hours per day everyday to strengthen voice box for regular season. 3) Rafer-take the Wunderlich test for basketball players, only put 6 seconds on the clock for each test, and keep taking the thing until you can consistently score perfect 50s. Take 2000 3 pointers a day. Chase humming birds inside a 94 foot x 50 foot cage without touching the walls of the cage. 4) Wesley, find a time machine and stay in it until your are 28 again. 5) Howard, run 1000 15 yard sprints per day. Wear Jumpsoles 24 hours a day/7 days a week along with the Shawn Marion lead vest. 6. Luther-1000 jumpers per day, 3 hours of repetitive dribble sets per day, lift weights 4 hours per day 7. Keith Bogans-1000 jumpers a day catching and shooting ball thrown from the Jugs machine. Another 1000 jumpers, catching ball thrown from the Jugs machine, giving an up fake, 1 dribble, and then shooting it. 2 hours a day of dribbling exercises specifically between the legs dribble. 8. Swift-Read Naismith's book and pack up all your stuff. 9. Hayes-Find some HGH that is legal and grow your frame 3 inches. Pump Iron and get a nasty attitude. 10. Lampe-Spend offseason playing ball with Nash and Marion. Make them want you back. 11. Deke-nothing, go build your hospital, you deserve it 12. Fitch-defend Nash in every summer game he plays in. Shoot 2000 3 pointers a day. 13. Barry-write Memoirs of your time spent with the sultan of trash talkers, JVG. 14. Sura-Have 3 extra surgeries to get a jump start on 06-07. 15. Bowen-Throw beachball in ocean 1000 times per day. Then throw chicken feed at the broadside of the barn until you hit it. Ahhhhh, just forget it! Go to the dentist and have them fix your teeth.
Huh, not sure if Bowen would prefer a monkeyboy over a toothyanker for his oral health needs. But he needs a new barber this offseason. Add it to the list!
I should point out that Einstein was very bright at seeing certain things, especially those that dealt with light (He was fascinated wiht light) before others could but he was not particularly bright in other areas which would seem trivial to most physicists. It took a mathematican to let him know that he needed non-euclidian geometry to work out his problems. It also took a friend of his years to teach him mathematics needed to work his thories. Another female scientist pointed it out to him that he didnt need to check for conservation of energies because his equations were built in for the check.... ....last I checked they didnt have children's book on photoelectric effect and theories of relativity, so let's not give Einstein a free pass, shall we?
Gundy's assignment: watch tape on how other teams beat the Suns. Remember what happened when you let go and stopped using your two best 3p shooters. Go find 2 more. Find a good psychiatrist to help you get over your obsession with Ryan Bowen. Find out who is paying Bowen more than we are, to make his shooting percentage fall from 42% to 28%. Maybe it is David Stern. Apologize to a few refs.
What I am saying is.... It would take Einstein years to figure out all the set plays that JVG employs...
