Official: I'm throwing my hat in the ring for the Chargers coaching job.

Why do I want the job? C'mon, who wouldn't want this job? The opportunity to coach the best player in football and one of the top teams on both sides of the ball is unheard of. No one has had it so good since Barry Switzer. And this may be better since I won't have to deal with Jerry Jones.

My qualifications: I'm a great people person. I'll set fair rules and enforce them. I'll hire good assistant coaches and let them call the shots. I believe in the 3-4 defense, and I'll find a good defensive coordinator that believes in the 3-4 defense. I can coach LaDainian Tomlinson. (OK, so a monkey in a suit could coach LDT, that's why I'm putting in for this job.) I'll hire good assistants to coach the rest of the offense. I'll wear a suit on the sidelines. No warm ups for me. Most importantly, in the playoffs, I won't play Marty-ball. My coordinators (who will be good playcallers) will be under strict instructions not to play conservatively.

My experience: None. I don't need it. It's the Chargers for crying out loud.

Requested starting salary: Half of whatever the other NFL head coaches are making. I want to hire good assistants, and I don't mind them making more than me. I just want a one-year deal. We'll talk about next year after the Super Bowl.

When can I start? Immediately. I know I just started a new job, but they'll understand. This is too good of an opportunity to turn down. And unlike Pete Carroll, I'll be committed to coaching NFL football, and no one is investigating any program I ran for paying amateur athletes.