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Not Fitting In

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Jeff, Feb 4, 2005.

  1. Jeff

    Jeff Clutch Crew

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    Frustrating

    Getting divorced has made me realize how odd I am. First off, I have only a couple of friends who aren't married. And, the people I know who are single and young are cool but unstable. The people I know who are older too often act like 50 year olds when they are only 30 - they are mature but no fun.

    Plus, I find it hard to hang out with regular everyday normal people because I don't have a 9-5 job or really do many of the things they do for entertainment. But, many of my more off-the-wall friends drink or do drugs as do their friends, which tends to leave me out.

    So, I'm not a hippie because I'm way too urban and geeky. I'm not young enough to be alternative. I'm not old enough (or interested enough) to be suburban. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I'm a musician who has a stable job. I have a stable job, BUT it isn't a standard corporate thing or a service job. I'm a sports fan, but not of the tailgating, barbqueing and drinking beer variety.

    Just feels like I'm in between a lot of things and it leaves me on the outside.

    Anyone else find themselves not really fitting in? How so? Just curious.
     
  2. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Member

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    I hear ya Jeff. When you march to the beat of your own drummer, you find that others won;t march to your beat. Always be true to yourself. Enjoy your hobbies and the things that are important to you.

    I always did what I wanted to do. Even when I was coaching, I wouldn't really "hang out" with the coaches after hours. I did my thing. No biggie. Luckily, I have found someone that shares my interests in almost every way. If Tara and I weren't together, I'd probably be fishing evey day.
     
  3. F.D. Khan

    F.D. Khan Member

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    Start Drinking! Grey Goose and Red Bull will give you wings!

    " I could fly higher than an eagle, you are the wind beneath my wings"

    J/J....Sorry, i'm just getting ready for the weekend and my first day w/o meetings and work (or a lot of, i still have some!!) in almost three weeks! I tend to have various groups of friends. I have my super party guys, my super business guys and the old reliables.

    Those groups don't mesh particularly well, but you seem to be in a strange demographic. Just remember that people are all different and no one ever feels as if they truly fit into any group. Diversity is the spice of life. Just be weary of being vocal about not drinking or anything around some people, because thats not really what they want to hear.

    I'm kind of odd as well in that i'm either working my a$$ off or i'm partying like mad. I've tried to open my mind to other things, but i just can't. A buddy of mine started having poker nights, but i usually get to edgy to stay.

    Rocket viewing parties!
     
  4. giddyup

    giddyup Member

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    Boy, this could have been me 15 years ago when I got divorced except...

    I'm not GEEKY (wish I were more so)
    I'm not a MUSICIAN (that would be fun)
    I did have CHILDREN

    It his very hard when the framework of your life is dashed. In the near future there will be more times when you will appreciate the opportunity of starting over. It's tough at the outset but gets easier.
     
  5. Chicken Boy

    Chicken Boy Member

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    You sound like a rockstar, boy. Keep at it.
     
  6. Jeff

    Jeff Clutch Crew

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    I really don't care if anybody else drinks or does drugs even around me. I just don't like people making me feel like a jerk for not doing it with them. It's like the vegetarian thing. Eat as much meat as you want. Hell, I'll even make it for you. Just don't get pissed when I pass. :)
     
  7. Isabel

    Isabel Member

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    I hear ya... right now I'm sort of a floater. There are lots of people I spend time with, but I wonder how many of them would I really be seeing if we weren't already put in the same place (all the college activities... the cafeteria, the student center, music groups). In the summers, even the ones who are nearby don't get together very much.

    My problem is that I'm on the faculty. I can hang out with a wide age range, but even if someone isn't taking my classes, often it's just too weird to hang out with someone whom others call "Dr." (I'm starting to hate that Dr. business.) I'm only 29 and not particularly mature for that, except maybe career-wise. The other faculty are fine to work with, but we don't have much in common socially (nor should we :) ). Being a university type person living in a small town, my framework is pretty much the school and what goes on there. Ferdinand... forget him, he's not social anyway. He doesn't come to most things I go to, and I'm actually glad. He would only sit there/ stand there and not say anything or look unhappy... then I'd have the choice between either looking weird, ignoring him, or going off and tending to his needs or taking care of him. I don't think so.

    So I just drift around. I find stuff to do and ways to be around people. Nothing is going to happen sitting at home on your couch. Most of my friends, as it were, are students who are older or just more open-minded.

    If people didn't categorize themselves, how much easier would it be? If they didn't separate themselves into races and ages and genders and marital status and family and all that business. I always find it ironic that a fraternity guy can be instant "brothers" with a stranger if he finds out he shares the same set of Greek letters and traditions, but otherwise might not have given that person the time of day. (no offense to those of you in the Greek system) I know it's too much to ask of most people, but I just wish, as human beings, we could all consider each other instant family members. Sigh...
     
  8. swilkins

    swilkins Member

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    Jeff,

    I feel for you. I drink, but I'm not into the drinking scene. People that get too drunk get on my nerves. Other than that, I'm kind of like you. Except I'm lousy at playing guitar.

    I've been married 20 years this year and haven't turned 40 yet. have a son that is fixing to start college and we have a great relationship, but have very little in common. In fact me and my wife don't have much in common either, but she said for many years that opposites attract. That's a load of crap. She said that responding to the way we would have an argument, and then have after argument sex.

    Anyway, the important thing is that you realize how stable you are. Don't rule out online dating. I had a friend that did it and he found a very compatible person and is very happy. Of course I'm sure you need some free time for a while.

    Just be you
     
  9. MR. MEOWGI

    MR. MEOWGI Contributing Member

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    Build your own bar at your home and be the bartender.
     
  10. coma

    coma Member

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    Wrong attitude, Jeff.

    Others don't fit into YOUR world.
     
  11. Rockets34Legend

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    Memories from junior high and high school...
     
  12. Oski2005

    Oski2005 Member

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    Problem solved.
     
  13. Supermac34

    Supermac34 President, Von Wafer Fan Club

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    Sounds like it is time to invest in season tickets.
     
  14. Another Brother

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    There's always Houston's.;)
     
  15. Fatty FatBastard

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    We have people who come out with us on occasion who don't drink. We've pretty much respected that, and let them enjoy the time out with us.

    Most people who drink that I'm aware of don't mind anyone coming out.

    Are you sure your drinking friends would berate you if you went out with them and didn't drink? Or is the problem that you don't like people when they've been drinking?
     
  16. rimbaud

    rimbaud Member
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    When I was young I was always a bit of a contradiction because I was in a very alternative crowd but I looked normal and so didn't fit any stereotypes.

    Right now I am an odd combination of too old for my age (something I have been all of my life but made worse by physical deterioration - knees, mostly - that can make me moody if too active) and very young and playful at heart. Sometimes I even frighten my wife with unexplained (or expected) odd outbursts of strange behavior. Only those close to me see that behavior, of course, so often I just come accross as surly (in an old man kind of way) or very closed off when people first meet me. I don't like people as a whole but I really like interacting with people...if that makes any sense.

    Oh yeah, Jeff will appreciate this - I like being around musicians because they are usually odd but also because I have always wanted to be one. I think I know a decent amount about music and a bit about music theory, but it can be a little hard being involved in deep conversations because I only superficially know what they are talking about. That is like being in-between worlds.

    But, Jeff, enough about me. You should also keep in mind that you have changed. It is pretty noticeable in just about every way (almost night and day in some areas). That is not a bad thing, by the way, but it is interesting. So some things might take a bit longer to catch up. Then everything will settle .
     
  17. Kim

    Kim Member

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    You forgot to add that you're the leading poster on a bbs about Rockets, burritos, and poo flinging.

    You're unique man.
    Suprising that you just figured it out.

    I'll be your friend. :)
     
  18. Jeff

    Jeff Clutch Crew

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    Between the waitresses and the spinach/artichoke dip... :D

    Fatty: I don't honestly have a lot of "drinking" friends. Pretty much all of them drink, but that isn't the issue. The issue is more that people who are single and my age are almost always of the "Let's go out and get drunk" metality. They find it fun. I find it boring mostly.

    I think what is sort of difficult is that I tend to get along with people that are younger than me. They are more fun and I generally have more in common with them. But, they are often a LOT less stable meaning they just don't know where they are going or what they are doing in life, which is no surprise since I didn't know either 10 years ago.
     
  19. Jeff

    Jeff Clutch Crew

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    You're going to have to tell me how. I'd like to know myself. :)
     
  20. Summer Song Giver

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    You could always go crawling back to the Mrs. :)
     

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