Okay, I know everyone's getting sick of these, but bear with me. So I'm on the phone with this girl I've been dating off and on for a while... anyway, I finally decide to drop the big three words and all seems to be finally going well for this big dork. A little while later, she asks me if I think Toni Braxton is attractive. Any honest man (and woman, for that matter) would say "yes" as I did. No biggie it seems, but she then states that I find every woman attractive. Not entirely true, I argue, but if you look hard enough you can find something beautiful about most women. She throws that in my face. Apparently, my "take what you can get and be damn thankful that you have it" attitude cheapens whatever feelings I have for her since she's currently the only one knocking at my door. ... and she's partly right. The average Saturday night, I can be found bagging comic books in my closet. But this in no way affects my feelings toward her. Problem is, how do I put that into words? I'd think she was trying to get rid of me, but she calls me like six times a day. And for you guys that post the impending "get away from that psycho," keep in mind that the fish ain't exactly biting. I can count the number of girls I've dated on one hand- and this one is actually hot. She may be a psycho, but she's the only psycho I've got.
Rule #1 - You treat a hot girl like crap. Retract your 3 little words and tell her you still a player & aint retirin yo jersey for her anytime soon.
Whatever you do, don't lose your self-respect by letting her walk all over you. If she crosses that line, you gotta move on man.
I agree. Compliment her eyes or something. Next time she asks you about another celebrity, criticize one of her features and tell your girlfriend's is better. Sometimes you can dodge the issue without being dishonest.... I think she's testing you and your boundaries. You might want to throw her a few curve balls so she won't have the idea that you're transparent. This is only my opinion....
Compose for her a poem made entirely from dialogue found in your comic books. Then will you see the true extent of her psychosis.
My husband has been using this tactic for years and it works quite well. For example, if your girlfriend is, ummm, anatomically gifted in certain areas, point out that the celebrity in question doesn't have anything compared to her. Why do we do this? Because we're insecure. (and most all of us are; it seems to come with the territory) Do we test y'all? Probably (even though we prefer not to think of it that way) . If you want a psychological explanation, it's that guys are a bit more physically oriented than we are, so we don't identify with it. We see guys looking at pictures of women who are already the world's best looking and may have been airbrushed and surgically altered on top of that. So we think, "how can I possibly compete with that? Not that it's fair that I should have to." Look on the bright side: at least that means she wants to be the only one in your life, and really cares what you think. We'd all like to think that our partner would have chosen us over others even if they had the choice.
Antisonic, I used to take the honest approach. It works to a limited extent with some women. but I found it didn't work with my wife. You should have said: Tony Braxton?, who's she? Then oh yeh, I remember her. Then she's ok, but not as nice as you and besides I hear she is a real b****. And besides I only go for the type of nice women who are supportive have good values and have a lot going on upstairs like you and they are virtually impossible to find because they are all snapped up immediately etc. etc. etc. You maybe could continue you know I used to think that she was pretty hot till I met you but now>>>>>>>>>>>>> Keep it up till she smiles and kisses you.
Thanks for the advice guys. But I don't really think that the "Braxton/Spears/Aguilera" test is really the problem. She thinks that I'm only interested in her because I'm desperate and she's my only option. Which might very well be true... I thought that it was inappropriate to tell a girl what a nice rack she has. The problem she has is that since I told her I see little difference between a Britney Spears and a Jane Doe, she believes that since I don't think I have the luxury of using looks as a priority when selecting a soulmate (which again, is true) that the only reason I'm interested in her is that she's giving me the time of day, thus "cheapening" whatever feelings I have for her. Geez, what am I supposed to do? Make up a lie about how I turned someone else down for her? What can I possibly say to an accusation like that?! Again, I really appreciate the advice, guys. And a big thanks to Isabel for giving a female perspective.
Well, in the early stages of a relationship, you're right. That one is probably better used after... you're more familiar with her anatomy anyway and both of you know it. Of course, if you really <i>are</i> dating her because she's your only option, and for absolutely no other reason, then she's probably seeing through it. And that could make for a sad situation. You know, those sad codependent relationships where both partners are in it primarily because they don't think they could ever get it to happen again with anyone else. glynch had some great lines up there. Focus on what's special about her as an individual.
Antisonic, you guys are starting to make me glad I'm married. Well we could start a thread about the problems of being married. However, my wife might surprise me and actually read clutchcity.net and then I'll have to ask for dating advice, too. Right now she is just glad that I'm focused on the Rockets and can debate politics on the web, without being punched out by my neighbors.
If you start that thread, I'll post in it. (no offense to my husband or anything, but I feel like the last taboo in our society is to talk about how marriage isn't necessarily this perfect happily ever after thing that everyone makes it out to be. Of course, I used to wonder why married women seemed so much less happy than before they got married, but they wouldn't tell me. So I just had to go try it and see for myself. ) Not to be ungrateful to be married, of course. (see: relationship advice threads)
She's testing you. Don't be defensive. Laugh. Why are you so insecure, sweetheart? Don't you feel like you can compete? I think you can, baby. Toni's megabucks and hot body notwithstanding, of course. There's no need to be honest. No-one really wants you to be honest. Keep it light. Soul-searching is a downer. You're a player and she's a player and y'all can only have fun when you're playing together. Don't bite on that sinker ball.
Well, I took another step in becoming the 44 year old misogynistic virgin that I'm doomed to become and parted ways with her. Shortly thereafter, a friend of mine took notice of my blues and arranged a double date for tonight. So I get to the designated meeting place and find a girl even more attractive than the one I was previously dating. Ridiculously out of my league. Oh, wonderful. For the next twenty minutes, the girl completely ignores me. She walks ahead of us and I walk dejected behind the happy couple (funny, I always thought that to be a third wheel, there needed to be an odd number of people). The night is saved when said friend's brother calls and needs to be picked up from a broken down car. What a day.
