New Rules Implemented for the Eastern Conference

London'sBurning · Jan 11, 2004

Hilarious read.

http://www.rickbrunson.com/news/012004/01102004.html

Eastern Conference Teams to Get 20 Points,
Special Parking Spaces
January 10th, 2004
In a move that has garnered mixed reactions from players, owners, and fans, the NBA has announced the creation of a points handicapping system. A trial of the new system, which is meant to address the dramatic differences in the scoring abilities between the Eastern and Western conference teams, is to be implemented immediately and will remain in place through the remainder of the 2003-04 season and playoffs. It is believed that the NBA hopes this system will make the league more competitive and inter-conference games more exciting for fans.

In a brief interview with the crack reporting staff at RickBrunson.com, NBA Commissioner David Stern explained the move. "We've been looking into the situation for a long time and we've come up with many possible solutions, but none of them are as easy to implement as the handicap. For example, you can say that Kobe has to dribble only with his left hand or that Shaq has to keep one foot on the floor at all times, but those rules are hard to enforce. I mean, the officiating is bad enough already, we can't expect the refs to learn more rules."

Although the final details of the handicap system are still being ironed out, RickBrunson.com was able to find out the following details:

Under the new system, every team will be given a handicap between 0 and 20.
Each team's handicap will be based primarily on their record, but can also be adjusted on other extenuating circumstances, like injuries and the number of coaches a team has gone through so far this year.
Eastern Conference teams will automatically be given at least a 5-point handicap.
At the start of each game, the team with the greater handicap will be spotted the difference in the two teams' handicaps.
Orlando will be guaranteed a 20-point handicap for the remainder of the season.
It was no surprise that the eastern conference owners have completely backed the move but NBA executives were shocked to find that the western conference owners were also behind the plan.
In addition to special parking spaces for the offensively challenged Eastern Conference, the NBA is introducing "special" transportation for those "special" teams
Added Stern, "Obviously, this plan favours the teams in the east that have poor records, so we knew they would be on-board. I guess we expected some resistance from the west but it never happened."

LA Lakers owner Jerry Buss explained further by saying "We always have trouble filling the seats when we play a Chicago or a Cleveland because the fans know it will be a blow-out and that the stars on our team will not see a lot of minutes. But if we play Toronto and they have an 18-point lead at the start, the fans know they will see a real effort until we've made up the difference. Besides, everyone loves a come from behind conquest."
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SmeggySmeg · Jan 11, 2004

lol

mrdave543 · Jan 11, 2004

thats pretty classic....nice read

Rule0001 · Jan 11, 2004

rofl...... great article

Hobbs · Jan 11, 2004

That's great. Too bad Detroit and Indy are as good as the West teams (both 9-5 verse the West).

ZRB · Jan 11, 2004

I wish the Rockets were affected by this new rule.

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New Rules Implemented for the Eastern Conference

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