Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a r****d. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: the konsumshun of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe reel gude.
Geez, since Apple was so innovative and revolutionary in the computer industry, you'd think that mac owners wouldn't resort to rehashing three year old e-mail jokes.
This is kind of related, so here are the Top Ten rejected Surgeon General's warnings: 1. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking cigarettes while masturbating could cause personal injury. Recommend taking a class to adequately prepare for such a task. 2. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Don't take this fine print too seriously; the feds make us print it. 3. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: 100% pure tax. 4. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: No matter how hard you try, you'll never look as cool as Bogart. 5. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: This cigarette mascot has phallic facial features. 6. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking during pregnancy can cause your baby to look like Herve Villacheze. 7. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: If you actually wear the free clothing you get from collecting multiple empty cigarette packs, you will look like a moron. 8. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking may cause women to look like cheap, sleazy sluts. 9. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Keith Richards is a fluke. 10. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that smoking can cause you to lead a pathetic existence sitting in a smelly designated smoking area at your job, freezing your cajones off in the middle of winter.
Warning:The consumption of alcohol is what brought you this thread. To keep from starting threads like this, plese don't drink and post.
