Ladies, I need a little advice from you. I'm 28 and I have a 14 year old neighbor girl who seems to have a little crush on me. Obviously I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I need to let her know that this sort of thing isn't going to happen. She's most likely going to pop in later tonight, so I'm going to tell her something then. What I need to know is how would you, in her situation, like to be told. Should I just hint around it first, and hope she picks up on it? Should I just sit her down and lay it all out in plain English? The girl is cool, and I don't mind her hanging out at all. I would like to stay cool with her and help her out with probs and stuff like that, is that possible? I know I sound like an idiot, but I've never really been in a situation like this. Thanks in advance for any help.
x34- I agree with you, don't confuse me asking for help with me asking if I should just ignore it. I have no intention of letting this go unchecked. I would like to it in a way that is easist on the girl though. dragp- No, I'm not close with them. Her fathers not around (most likely the reason for the crush to begin with) and her mom seems to be more interested in drinking or whoever she's dating this week than whats going on in her daughters life.
Just pretend you don't notice that she's got a crush on you. Probably not the best advice but that's what I do when I've got problems like that. Glad to see your not gonna do the R. Kelly on her.
I would make haste to talk to her mother/grandmother/whoever right now so as to avoid any unseemly accusations which could develop.
Htown -- that's a tough situation to be in for both of you. Fourteen is a brutal age for girls, so if you do feel it's necessary to talk to her about it, try to go easy on her self-esteem. I think it's important for you to point out that you enjoy her company and think she's going to grow up to be a fantastic woman. BUT you must let her know that the age difference is just too big and you could get in really big trouble (ie...jail) if you even thought about having a relationship with her. The key is to try and make it as un-embarassing as possible. Like that's possible, right?
lol fadeaway.... I guess that would hurt the old ego a little bit huh? I can see the scene now. Hey Ashley, I'm glad you came we need to talk What about? Look I know you have a crush on me and I want you to know I'm very flatered but our age diff.... Why are you looking at me like that? A CRUSH ON YOU???? GROSS!!! LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU OLD PERV!! Girl runs out of house screaming and I eat every fattening thing in the house.
Htownhero, giddyup nailed it. Unless you have a close relationship with the mother and father, don't let that girl in your house. Tell her mother or father that she has a crush on you and let them deal with it. Don't be a fool. Why are you even letting her in your house? There is way too much at stake in your life to be trusting that type of friendship when she has a crush on you. If you want to continue a mentoring friendship with her, there are other ways than hanging out in your house. If she is a rebel to her parents, and your house is her outlet, man you are walking a fine line on a precipice of disaster. The parents may blame you for corrupting her, or worse, she might start making things up to get attention with them. I was a school teacher for one yr straight out of college, and those teachers all told me the same thing. Do not ever let any of them alone with you, and watch out for the teenage crushes. There was one student whose life I was particularily interested. I didn't need to spend time with her to build her self-confidence. I could just say the occassional praise and see her in public. Eventually to my surprise, she started playing tennis where I did in a small park in Montrose. That's when I started really befriending her. But only at that park. Now that she is out of college, #1 Tennis Player at Rutgers, we do other things.
My $0.02: Has she said or done anything inappropriate? That's where I believe it crosses the line from an innocent crush to something serious where you would need to stop it. I think its normal for girls and boys her age to have crushes on older people like teachers. Like you said, if you say something to her, and she never had that intention, then its going to be awkward for you both especially for her. But if you don't say something to her now it could get worse. Tough situation. Good luck.
The only I would be concerned about when it came to alerting the mother or father is that, if they do have emotional or other problems themselves, it could turn out MUCH worse for the girl. Be honest. Say, "Look, I've been getting the feeling you might have a crush on me. If that's not true, I'm sorry, but I like you as a friend and you are a sweet person...etc" Use your judgement with the parents but don't automatically assume they will have her best interests at heart. Now, if she continues to act wierd even after you have spoken with her, then you can go to her parents or just cut off the relationship altogether.
The way I look at it is, "Use a parental judgement with 14 yr old daughters of neighbors, but don't automatically assume your 28-yr old self hanging out with her in your house is in her best interest." I fail to see the harm in knowing neighbors well enough to talk to them about their kids. If you don't know them well enough, that 14yr old girl shouldn't be "popping in (your house) later tonight."
Htownhero, Have you ever seen the movie, "The Crush" with Alicia Silverstone?? If not you definitely need to watch it to see what would happen to you if you don't get this situation resolved quickly.
I think you should wait until she does somthing innappropriate and then confront her. Like Smokey said, it's normal for teenagers to have those kinds of crushes. There's really nothing to worry about as long as you let her know the way you feel after that first innappropriate thing she does. I tend to doubt she will do that and will grow out of her crush or at least control herself until she's 18.
LOL Achebe. Htownhero, I can't really give you any advice, because it seems like a tough situation. Atleast you aren't a perve and do stuff that some perves would do in that situation.
