Hi, I'm new here, and I'll try to make this as short as possible. I need some advice because I am feeling hurt and I don't even know if I have a right to be feeling this way. My common law husband and I just got our 2 boys baptized today. Both our boys are from previous marriages, except my baby's daddy is deceased. We have been taking our boys to church every Sunday together for the past year. He had been wanting to baptize his son since last year, but his ex-brother- in law was supposed to be the God-father. Well, he could not be the God-father until he received confirmation. My husband waited over a year, but neither his ex-brother-in-law nor ex-wife ever made any sort of effort. In fact, his ex told him that he could take care of all of the child's spiritual needs. She was not attending church herself. His son reached the age of two, so we decided to baptize him along with my son(age one). Both would have a single God-mother because neither his sister nor my cousin are married. We made all the plans and even shopped for their christianing wardrobes together. I assumed that we would go up to the altar as a family, since we were left in charge of the child's spiritual needs. Well, his ex-wife decided that she wanted to be a part of it and my husband agreed to it. I thought that she would be there to observe, but she actually wanted to go up to the altar. My husband agreed to it. I was hurt about that, but I accepted it. He came up with the idea that his sister would sit between them during the services, and he even told me that he spoke to his ex about that seating arragement. He told me that she had agreed to it. Well, it did not happen that way. They sat next to each other, held hands for the Our Father, and went up to the altar, took pictures on our camera together... like a happy little family. Meanwhile, I sat behind them and thought of how I wished my deceased husband were alive. Oh, and he popped up when it was time to take my son up to the altar as if he had forgotten about us. At one point in church, his ex even walked rudely between my cousin and me when she could have easily walked around us as any person with manners would. He had told me many things about his ex-wife's character...making her out to be a very self-centered, scheeming,manipulative, neglectful(to both him and his son) type of person. Today he tells me, "Why do you judge her?" I was feeling hurt afterward the baptism and he sensed it. He asked me what was the matter and I answer him after the second time he asked. I told him that I thought he had said his sister would sit between them. I told him that I was hurt because he did not consider my feelings in the least. I understand that his son comes first, but I am tired of being last. He said that I was trying to ruin a happy day. He also said that since I cannot help these feelings I have, our relationship may not be salvagable. It's funny how this has turned around to where I seem like the person trying to ruin things. What do you all think? Help...
I'm not really good at these sort of things, and I won't pretend to be. I just want to say to be patient and wait for responses, most everyone on the board is watching the game right now.
Wow, that was an, um, interesting first post for a basketball BBS. I am not trying to be a smartaleck here, but can I ask why you came here to ask for advice?? Is there someone here that posts that told you about the site?? The reason why I ask is that most people who come here have their first post be not so deep and complex. It's after being here awhile do they sorta open up about problems. I am saying this because the responses may not be many or may not be as many as you hoped for. Unfortunately, I believe that your "common-law" husband will always have a bond with his ex-wife simply because they shared a child together. You have done the right thing, IMO, by talking this with him. However, it seems like to me that he has some doubts about your relationship. You may not want to do this, but I think you may have to probe him a little bit. It is better now to know if there are some problems that can't be worked out compared to if this happens down the road. Good luck, hopefully everything will turn out okay.
Manny: Common law = living together, usually for a prescribed length of time, or the woman using the man's last name as her own. Also, as for such a deep first post, I suspect this person may have posted here before, but wishes to remain anonymous.
Oh yeah, that makes sense. I'll edit that part out. You are probably right about it being someone who has posted here before. It just seemed so out of place, though.
Tara, I would like to offer advice, but I really don't know you, your husband and your history together. The story was one of discomfort for you, and some simple advice may have been warranted and forthcoming, but once you mentioned that he said ' our relationship may not be salvagable', it took it to a new level. Maybe not as serious as it sounds, but unless I knew your husband, I cannot even assess the severity of his statement. I don't think that you can convey enough information here to receive a truly insightful response. I imagine that a close friend or family may be better to seek advice from. Sorry I couldn't help more. Maybe someone else can glean more from your story than I can.
The best person to talk to,is your Minister at the Church. Personal Problems are not what we expect to deal with on this board, mainly because we can be taken to Court. Two people of the opposite sex living together, without being Married, are living in Sin!
I probably posted on the wrong site. A friend of mine posts on one of these Clutch sites, and I remember reading some "deep" posts and others asking for advice. Another reason I feel I'm on the wrong site is because I now see that most of you are just here for fun. I have never posted here before, and I think that was quite obvious. Thank you for being honest and for advising me on whom or where I should go to for advice. I guess I was feeling a little desperate. Anyway, he just told me (a while ago) that his ex had told him she did not want me to be in any part of his son's baptism. If I was, she would enforce a decree she has hanging over him when the child turns three. BTW...I love the child as my own and he calls me "Mama". His ex has already said that she does not want him calling me "Mama". I guess if she tells my husband to leave me, he will do it for fear of the decree. I don't know why I am even refering to him as my husband anymore. Well, regardless of posting in the wrong place for something this "deep", I am not feeling so desperate anymore. My bio. describes me as a survivor...
Originally posted by Yetti The best person to talk to,is your Minister at the Church. Personal Problems are not what we expect to deal with on this board, mainly because we can be taken to Court. Okay...but what?...who? Two people of the opposite sex living together, without being Married, are living in Sin! I hope that you're kidding, grandpa.
Tara, There have been 'deep' posts here before, but as Manny said, many may hesitate to offer advice. It's difficult to offer sage advice for a new 'member', and I'm sure that no one wants to steer you wrong.
Cohen You also need to visit your Church Minister! You are not keeping up with the times! But there again maybe you are one who makes up their own rules of living!
Yetti, You say that living together is a sin if you are not married. So, who is the one not keeping up with the times? I think it may be you. A silly legal paper or array of superficial and traditional rituals are NOT not what makes a couple husband and wife in God's eyes. I believe that God brings certain couples together because it has been destined by him. When the couple commits themselves along with their children to the teachings of Jesus...then and only then are couples truly husband and wife in God's eyes. Following the teachings of Jesus is not easy, especially as a couple. It calls for swallowing one's pride and turning the other cheek. It calls for unconditional love and acceptance of the other's flaws. It calls for understanding and compromising. BTW...my husband and I have talked things over. I will try to be stronger in accepting that he may have to be forced into certain situations. I realize that his only intention in a case like that is... he will be allowed more time with his son. He in turn will try harder to understand, respect, and honor me as his wife. Anyway, thanks for your input...but I was hoping for someone that would give non-judgemental advice and maybe even share a little wisdom through their own experience. Thanks none the less and...God Bless You and Yours...
TARA 1. Realize his EX is trying to hurt you anyway possible. Your describtion of her says as much. 2. You husband seems to be intentionally being thick. he seems to want his cake and eat it too. This was YOUR [you and his] special day. Your kids Special day. She had the opportunity to have a Special day but decided to let you guys do the work . . then come in late and absorb all the good parts of it. 3. Unsalvagable. . . *sigh* In my opinion . . .is a power play. One to make you cower to his will. take you fear of losing him to make you put up with some BS. of course this is an incomplete analysis predicated on a One Sided story People will say i don't have the facts to make a accurate judgement and they right What is his relationship to his Ex Wife? What is your relationship like? Is the 1st time you had this situations? how long have you been together. . . . [beyond being common law] yadda yadda yadda You relationship brings many questions to mind [common law husband - suggests being together over 6 months. . .which means you got with him less than 6 months after the birth of your child from his deceased father] look at your relationship . . . . .and judge for self. Rocket River you asked . . .so you pick and choose what ya wanna use.
Rocket, I know she was not there to baptize her son, but to spite me. More importantly, God knows this. She went up to God's altar as a hypocrite. Although I was hurt...I turned the other cheek. That was not easy. However, I also know for a fact that if my husband had disregarded her wishes, his son would not have been baptized. She would not have switched days with him because the baptism was scheduled for a Saturday by our church. We get him on Sundays. She would not have allowed it if I was the one to go up to the altar with them. So...I have to be understanding of my husband's actions in those respects. Thanks for your input. You make some good points and I will keep them in mind for the future.
What is the rule on common law marriage in Texas? I have a female roommate, and I'm wondering how long I can live with her before becoming her common law husband? Does it automatically happen after a certain amount of time, or do you have to fill out paperwork? If you have to fill out paperwork than I am safe, cause I'm not even dating her! I'm not ready to be married to someone I've never even kissed! Thanks, B
It goes beyond just a simple time frame. The couple must act like they are married, including consumation, or the use of the man's last name by the woman, or making major decisions together (buying a house together), or joint bank account, or credit cards, etc. You have to act like a couple, not just share a roof. Common Law Marriages Texas calls it an "informal marriage," rather than a common-law marriage. Under ยง 1.91 of the Texas Family Code, an informal marriage can be established either by declaration (registering at the county courthouse without having a ceremony), or by meeting a 3-prong test showing evidence of (1) an agreement to be married; (2) cohabitation in Texas; and (3) representation to others that the parties are married. The 1995 update adds an evidentiary presumption that there was no marriage if no suit for proof of marriage is filed within two years of the date the parties separated and ceased living together...... .....Among those states that permit a common-law marriage to be contracted, the elements of a common-law marriage vary slightly from state to state. The indispensable elements are (1) cohabitation and (2) "holding out." "Holding out" means that the parties tell the world that they are husband and wife through their conduct, such as the woman's assumption of the man's surname, filing a joint federal income tax return, etc. That means that mere cohabitation can never, by itself, rise to the level of constituting a marriage. Of course, many disputes arise when facts (such as intentions of the parties or statements made to third parties) are in controversy.
