My girlfriend(lets say ex-g/f) and I were going on 2 years... I met her when I was in my fraternity at UT-Austin. She was still in highschool(in Houston) so she kinda looked up to me as a "college guy." Well, we met through one of my good friends and started talking. One thing led to another and we were dating. At the end of the semester, I had screwed up my grades and my shoulder so I had to come home to Houston. I came home and it was no longer a long-distance relationship. We fell in love and had a great semester. I went to HCC and made straight A's, had shoulder surgery, and was just happy. During that summer, she went to camp and we were away for 9 weeks. This is where the problems started. She ended up getting into UT and I went back also. We started living together all of the time and I noticed she was different. If I wanted to go out with friends, she would throw a hissy fit. It kept getting worse and worse until I lost all control. The girl put on 30 lbs and became reclusive. I tried to help her lose the weight but she was always "too tired" to go to the gym. During the winter, she told me that she cheated on me and that she was sorry. Ofcourse, I forgave her. I was in denial about it for 6 months, then one day I just thought about her touching and being with another guy. The year went by and at the end, my parents put their foot down and said I had to move back to Houston to go to UH. This was hard for both of us, but we vowed to see eachother almost every weekend. The summer went by real quick and now school has started. We went back and forth between Austin and Houston so many times. Whenever I was there, she would just sit in bed all day and watch TV. We couldnt communicate anymore and just argued all the time. I hate arguing, but she had a knack for picking fights and making me give in. God damn I was so neive. Finally, something bad happened this weekend and the sh*t hit the fan. My best friend's dad passed away(I was also pretty close to his dad) on Friday and it was very hard for me. My g/f was in for the weekend and she wanted to see me. I find out that he died saturday morning and I had an exam 2 hours later. I go over to her place to talk about it, thinking she would help me clear my mind. But no, she just insists that I have to move on and forget about it. I take the exam and the first thing I do is drive to my friend's house to see him and his family. This upsets her Today, she got mad because I"'m not dividing my time equally" to see her(I had already taken her out Thursday and Friday). She does this two nights in a row and I just lost it. I told her that she doesnt know the meaning of empathy. She just said I was selfish and didn't love her. She couldnt comprehend that I lost a friend also. She has insisted for months that I am selfish and useless. If you talked to any of my friends, they would strongly disagree. Another thing that made me mad is I was browsing her buddy list on her comp(just looking to see if I wanted to say hi to any of her friends) and I saw the name of the guy that she cheated on me with. Talk about losing all trust. So basically, our last conversation, I was so mad that I she said that she wasn't happy anymore. I told her that she owes me an apology. She said that she never wanted to talk to me again. I don't want to talk to her again. We have been through so much together, but she isn't the same person she used to be. Honestly though, I am leaving my cell phone off for a month. I am going to drop her housekeys off with her dad tomorrow. Does anybody have any good advice on break-ups? I could sure use some right now.
Damn, that's controlling.... And the fact she wasn't consoling during the time of your best friend's dad's death....something is really up w/ her... I mean, you already forgave her for cheating. Then she still doesn't realize your forgiveness, and still acts like a (no disrespect) b****....that would be the last straw.... Man, you can find better....just give it some time. I've been through that **** before. It's hell....but you'll get over it.
Franchise2001, been there before, man. Looks like you're off to a good start by ignoring her phone calls. You'll miss the girlfriend of old much more than the girl she became now. Basically, what it sounds like is that the relationship was exciting at first because she was cute and fun to be around. She came to college, put on some weight, cheated on you, and your relationship went South. I'm having a hard time understanding why the hell you didn't leave this chick earlier. There's plenty of places that you can go to meet new chicks. And, no, a bar isn't the best idea. Usually full of c*m guzzling sluts who think that they're the shiznit just cause you're saying hello. Best way is through word of mouth. Try going out with a friend of a friend. You'll get through this no problem. Rule #1: the sooner you move on, the sooner you'll forget.
Good riddance. Congrats. A little tip for next time : Try being a challenge. Make the next one work for everything. Some girls will just push and push to see how much they can get away with, walk all over you, and lose any respect when you give in. Girls want limits they can respect. Best wishes in the future.
Let's begin with the caveat that we all have somewhat limited relationship experiences. Though similarities may seem to exist to us, it is not necessarily so. Also, we are trying to assess the situation based on a few brief paragraphs...that is understandable but doesn't necessarily help the accuracy of an assessment. ------- All that said, bluntly, it sounds like you two weren't meant for each other. It's been coming for a while, but ya'll couldn't end it gracefully, possibly due to youth, so things get worse until it 'snaps'. Ya'll may certainly have found things about each other that you like, or even love each other, that creates the ambivalence. With years, you both will probably get better at recognizing the signals before it gets that tough. (Again, you two are the only ones who really have the answer about your relationship. This is just what it sounds like.) All of the pain and agony is a waste if you don't learn and grow from this. I feel that your decisions are what put you in your circumstances, so its like we all have customized lessons in life. What can you learn from this? What you need/want in a mate? How to understand or 'read' potential mates? How to understand your own feelings? How do you make certain that a relationship is growing? Only you can determine what you can learn from this. If it is true that you two weren't meant for each other, then take solace in the fact that you're learning lessons you need to learn, and moreover, that your 'true' mate is waiting for you. What you learn now may help you find her, and may help your relationship once you do. Take Care.
Good riddance. Sounds to me like you're better off without her. There's a line from a Sweet Pickle Salad song that says, "It's not me I'm missing/And it's not you, it's something that never was". And that says it all about relationships with ex-girlfriends. I have some experience with this. You may find yourself thinking you miss her weeks, months, years down the line (especially if she was the first girl you actually loved). You will be wrong. It's natural to feel nostalgia for days of the initial rush of falling in love, but it really isn't the girl you miss. It's an idealized memory of falling in love, something that "never was", nothing more.
Next time, move a little s-l-o-w-e-r. Falling in love is easy; staying in love is work, acceptance, and appreciation. Don't be a romantic fool.
I feel for you F2, but what did you contribute to the debacle? The best way to get closure, is to know that you did everything you could to make her happy and adhere to her wishes without compromising who you are. Is that the case?
Was that band camp she went away to for 9 weeks? One time....at band camp....I cheated on my boyfriend and had s.....
Dude, all I have to say is: I HAVE BEEN THERE. Relationships are tough, tough, and tough. I went out with a girl for 2 1/2 years who had extremely high anxiety and was suicidally depressed. She moved down to Austin to be with me, and ended up having a VERY difficult time adjusting to a new city (she lived in Lubbock her entire life). Her whole life revolved around me and she had very few friends here so that made things even more difficult. When you are the center of someones world, it puts a lot of pressure on a person. Luckily, I dealt with the matter the best I could, and broke up with her. It was a messy, messy breakup with her moving back to Lubbock, suicide threats, and other things that just messed me up for a good 6 months. I know that it was the right thing to do, but I held a guilty conciece for a LONG time. It wasnt that I didnt love her. It was that my life was being directly affected by her actions. Its still hard to deal with sometimes. The pain comes back occasionally, even after 1 1/2 years of not being with her. My point, and I swear I have one, is that you made the right decision and it only gets easier from here. Life is too damn short to be letting insecure girls get the best of you. You are a better man without her. Hang in there......
Thanks everyone for all the kind words.. Update: I have gotten 13 phone calls this morning starting at 8:30.. I tried to go back to sleep so I just shoved my head under the pillows. She didn't leave any messages, but I'm sure when my parents start picking up the phone, she might stop calling. Drewdog, damn, thats so similar to what I'm going through. I remember her saying that she would kill herself if we ever broke up. Weird thing is, that we worded the conversation so that she broke up with me, not the other way around. There is that part of me that wants to pick up the phone and just speak my mind some more.. and there is the other part that is just going to let the damn thing ring. This weekend has changed me too much, my circle of friends are so close now and I feel like I have neglected them for ages. Just the thought of my friend pulling his dad's coffin from the hearse and the look on his face and how hurt he was... its gutwrenching. His dad was an awesome guy. He was in great shape and nobody saw his heart attack coming(He was playing racquetball). I will miss him very very much.
You are a good man Franchise. You are young and will have many experiences ahead of you. Hang in there!
Thank your lucky stars that it is over. As a guy, you f*cking well know what cheating means. It was her way of saying that she was not in it for the long term. All in all, it sounds like she needs to get her sh*t together, before she can get into a long term relationship. My advice is to get back in the saddle again. Date as women many as your wallet will allow. You are definitely in rebound mode, so you are not ready to jump back into a committed relationship. Be upfront with all the women you date about your rebound situation, so they will know what to expect (and more importantly what not to expect). Your mileage may vary.
Run....RUN...RUN This girl needs to develop on her own. Do not become a crutch it only hinders your development and hers as well. Also, it gets a lot easier after a couple of months. DaDakota
Franchise2001 - she sounds like a heartless b*tch to me. i don't think you'll miss her, i think you might miss how she used to be, but that's not her anymore...lots of people don't see that and try and still make something like your situation work, cuz they think that they'll get the "her" that they used to know - but if you go after her again, all you'll get is the cheating b*tch that has no heart (doesn't even care about your friends dad dying). If it was me...I would have broke up after the cheating - but with not doing that - you proved that you'd forgive her mistakes and try to make things work out - so i don't see this as your fault at all. I feel for you man...you seem like a good guy. You can get better than her. It WILL be tough to move on, but you gotta do it when you feel ready. I'm prayin for you and your buddy's family. I hope everything goes alright ya.
