Marriage Preparation

Interesting read.. Hope all goes well!

 

Good luck, Davidoff. My wife is Catholic, though not practicing, and I am Jewish (very much non-practicing). We wanted to incorporate both into our ceremony. That's why we found a great Unitarian priest to do our wedding. He did what we wanted and was very respectful of our choices. I can't imagine what you guys went through even to get to that point. To have been together that long just to be treated like a couple of teenagers.

 

Davidoff,

I'm glad that your fiance didn't have a problem with you and her getting married in the Methodist church. Religion is a big part of your relationship and it is important that the two of you can agree on how to handle that. My mother and father are very different when it comes to their religions - she goes to an Episcopal church (and has also gone to the Methodist church) while my father doesn't even go. I don't know how they have done it but they have made it work as it will be 42 years at the end of December that they have been married.

As for me - it doesn't bother me to go to the church that my wife goes to (I was Methodist and she is Church of Christ). I feel for the most part, it shouldn't matter what church you go to as long as you a Christian and practice it (admittedly something that I haven't done a good job of doing in the past). But I can say it would be extremely hard for me to adjust to going to the Catholic church if my wife was Catholic. I went there one Saturday evening service and got turned off with them when I read their bulletin, specifically about communion:

This is what they had to say (I'm paraphrasing here):

"It is an unfortunate circumstance that those people who are not members of the Catholic church cannot partake in our Communion. We hope you understand and accept our stance on this issue."

What a load of flaming bullsh!t, I thought to myself when I read that. It made me want to jump up and take communion anyway just to see if they would notice that I was not Catholic.

 

My wife (and her family) are Catholic. I am not. I'm non-denominational Christian (grew up Lutheran).

The Catholic Church tried to put us through that rigmarole, too. Early into it (when they wanted us to do a retreat with the other Catholic couple), I said (in a not-this-mean way), "what are we trying to accomplish with all this stuff? We're getting married. We can get married in your Church. If your church wants to turn their back on a Christian couple that wants to get married, we'll get married in another church. We'd like to get married in your church, please accommodate us."

We agreed to briefly speak with another couple (which we did) and we got married in the Catholic Church.

We've been married for 11 years now. She's still Catholic. I'm still not. I do not hold the Catholic church in high regards at all. And over the years that I've been attending Catholic church, I become more and more certain that I'll never join.

I can speak further about my opinions, if you wish.

 

I know how ya feel, similar scenario here. My wife & I were together 8 years. It seemed ridiculous to have a priest and some newbie couple counseling us. We chose to get married by some hippie on a hill

 

My wife grew up Catholic so we jumped through all these hoops. We did a weekend class thingy, and the FOCUS test. We then met with a dude to talk about the FOCUS test and that's about it.

I don't think we had to have a sponsor couple or anything.

I think you made a good choice. You jumped through the hoops, weren't happy about it and chose one of the hundreds of other churches that will marry you when you are ready.

 

Well, at least your wedding guest will be happy. They don't have to sit through an hour long ceremony.

 

I always found it a bit hypocritical, I mean what does a priest know about marriage?

DD

 

Maybe you shouldn't have FOCCUSed and should have FOKASSed...

 

Well, to be fair (and this is coming from a non-catholic that did the catholic marriage), the classes, retreats, and counseling all came from married people.

The retreat/weekend thing was run by various married couples, the test and counseling was run by a married psycologist, etc.

 

I don't know what has gotten into you lately Manny, but you really need to chill. The fact that you cannot respect the rules of the Catholic church when you are visiting their parish is disturbing. The fact that you would call their process of confirmation and first communion as a sarament "flaming bullsh!t" is pretty telling really.

I was raised Catholic. My ex was raised Jewish. I would never have gone to her parents' place of worship and even had a thought like what you have expressed. It is about respecting the religious beliefs of the people you are with...sorry to see you don't get that.

 

Yeah, but what's the point? Why do they make you go through all that?

If they don't believe you are compatible, are they going to refuse to marry you?
Is it such a privilege to be married in a Catholic church that you have to qualify?

What a bunch of BS.

 

Not 100% sure, but I think it has to do with the fact that the Catholic Church is against divorce, so they try to prepare you as well as they can for marriage. It's all part of their process

 

Generally, they will not refuse to marry you. The theory (that happens sometimes), is that if you are truly incompatible, you will discover that through all of the testing and meetings etc. At that point, the couple decides to call it off. I have seen it happen.

 

But that wasn't preparation for marriage. Ya wanna prepare someone for marriage? Make 'em cook and clean a house for three people for a few days.

None of their stuff was preparation. Their stuff (and I'm using the word "stuff" to be somewhat friendly here) is focused on whether or not the couple should get married.

Well, ya know what? When a couple approaches the Catholic church and says, "We've decided to get married. Please marry us." The Catholic church should respect that statement and do it. Instead, they blatantly disrespect the statement and interpret as, "We think we might want to get married, can you help us make our decision?"

BS. Pure and simple.

 

*backs slowly away from the thread*

 

Does your priest happen to be Robin Williams?

 

Dude, I am not going to "chill" just because I want to express my opinion on something. If it bothers you that much, you can put me on ignore. I just thought it was highly arrogant and pompous that someone who is a Christian but not a "Catholic" couldn't partake in their communion. I have been to Methodist, Baptist, Episcopalian, Nazarene, Church of God, Church of Christ, Presbyterian, etc. churches either as a member or visitor and I have never been told that I couldn't take communion just because I wasn't a member of that church or denomination. The whole thing smacked of elitism and that type of attitude is one reason (along with the hypocrisy) why so many people dislike the Catholic Church. Believe me, Refman, I would rather watch paint dry on a wall than go to another Catholic church service.

And I was raised that no religion is better than another. For God's sake man, Methodists (which is what I was at the time) and Catholics are both christians, last time I check. Yea, I can understand that thinking and philosophy if I was at a Jewish service or some other major branch of religion that isn't Christianity. But it was very disappointing to see that at another christian church. No wonder, we are losing people in the christian faith - stupid petty stylistic differences over how you are baptised, whether you can take communion, etc. Why can't it be that as Christians we can all worship at one place and do things one way?? Why does it have to be so segregated and complex?? I am not cracking on you Refman but that bugs the **** out of me. And you might think I am not respecting the religious beliefs of the people I am with but why should their beliefs be any different from mine?? We are both Christians, the last time I checked.

 

LOL!


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