Just found out that a married couple that I am good friends with plan on divorcing. Then I find out that a good friend of mine was close to getting his own place and leaving his wife. Another friend of mine who is married and has been for a little over a year is cheating on his wife...BIG TIME. My sister is about to go through her second divorce. I went out with a couple of girls I know that are married and all they did was complain about their husbands and were discussing divorce as an option. A friend of mine just got married two weeks ago and was talking about divorce today. Most of these are relationships that I thought were rock solid but I guess they just had a good cover or something. But really, is marriage even worth it anymore? From where I am standing it does not look like something I want to enter into at all. Then there is always that quote that is stuck in my head "Nothing ruins a great relationship like marriage." What do you think?
Only 23 and still single and plan to keep it that way for awhile. That said this is the advice I've received from my family who have maintained their marriages some 20+ years later. Usually the appeal, and excitement of being in a relationship wears off roughly after a year to a year and a half, then you really start to discover whether you're amicable with the person you like. You discover things like if the other person has a debt problem, personality clashes (you mean she doesn't like the Rockets? you effin kidding me?), religious differences and how much of an issue it can become. That's the other bit of advice. If at all possible, I should marry someone with the same religious choice as myself, just to make things easier. Sounds corny or dumb or whatever, but my observations from my sisters and the family they've raised. They married about my age and had friends they used to hang out with but once they were married they devoted themselves to their family first. I guess what I mean to say is, they looked at their husbands as their best friend; Not as their lover or provider. That's the third bit of advice. Marry someone who you think is your best friend. Tough zone to be in, but if its someone you're planning on spending the rest of your life with, after the looks will fade, you better get along with them. And things like debt, or job relocation (maybe she got a job offer to another state and you have in a different city) means making sacrifices. Any sort of funky situations like that. Marriage is by no means easy, but then again anything worth having never usually is.
I think if you spend enough time with anyone you will start to hate them. Not hate hate, but you will find things they doing annoying etc. I think if you marry someone you just need to tough it out and make compromises.
I think marriage is great, it's just ****ed nowadays by people rushing into it. I can't wait to get hitched but I'll be taking my damn time, it's like having kids, I want to make sure I can support them before I have them, I want to make sure I can keep the commitment before committing in marriage.
For the sake of brevity, TWO of the several reasons marriages fail more often now are: 1 Selfishness. What can your spouse do for you, not what you can do for them or what you can accomplish together. 2 Lack of commitment. This is a much bigger problem than incompatibility. The sum total of these two and others boils down to: Unrealistic expectations. Marriage is great and I highly recommend it.
In my case yes. Marriage is awesome yet it can be boring at the same time. Its not for everyone and Ive been so close to divorce too. But my other half is the better half and it took me a while to realize that. It seems like everyone runs to the alter when they fall in love before learning about the other half first. There are people who can stay married and make it work. You've heard this before but if you cant communicate with the other half.......its already over. 19 years and counting.......
I am 29 and have never married. Never even been engaged. I live with my girlfriend, but we dont plan on getting married any time soon. I had the benefit of watching all my friends get married young and go through divorces, custody battles, child support, and endless misery. I wouldnt say it made me scared of marriage, but it made me realize that I need to not rush in. Is marriage worth it? Who knows...
Don't get married in you 20's. I know there are people who did and live happily ever after, but I'll bet the divorce rate is higher for people who get married in their 20's instead of their 30's. Live the single life after college. Get it all out of your system. Then, when you get tired of it, start looking for a wife. That's what I did and I'm getting married in February. I can't wait. Good advice from London's Burning about finding someone who is your best friend. Looks don't last forever. I get the feeling that, even if I would have met my fiancee under different circumstances (like both of us being with someone else) we would still be great friends. I could totally hang with her even if we never had sex again. Oh yeah, one mopre piece of advice: Marry a woman who respects your Rocket addiction and goes on happy hours with her girlfriends while you stay at home, get drunk, watch the Rockets and the spurs, and post on Clutchfans. I just can't emphasize that enough.
I lived w/ my wife for many years before marrying. I found the right person, then we worked out the cohab kinks while not taking each other for granted. The wrong marriage would suck, but the right one is hands-down unbeatable. After a while whenever I had a failed relationship I didn't whine about it or about women, I just understood that I made an error and needed to improve on my ability to find the right person for me. Too many people blame the opposite sex and get all negative; that's just silly.
Yes it is, Yes it is, Yes it is, Yes it is!!!!!! I love my wife, my children and my life. I wouldn't change it for the world and can't imagine it without them.
great advice I waited until I was 29 to get married and found a wonderful woman (IMHO) You need to get the partying/hooking up randomly out of your system. If it's not out by 30, keep on going
All I can tell you is don't get married because you're afraid of being alone. I've seen FAR too many people do this and it rarely works out. Have patience, and wait for the one that you can't imagine living without. And don't be fooled by "games." It's difficult. Hell, I'm 35 and I can still be suckered into liking a girl far more than I should because of mind-games. As of now, I'm Fatty, I'm 35, and I'm still happily single.
Fatty brings up a huge point, the mind games can camo a relationship in your eyes, I have also experienced this (suckered into liking a girl far more than I should because of mind-games.) just be cautious
The thing is I have been with my girl for nearly 6 years. I firmly believe that not only she has issues to work out but so do I. Am I saying I want everything to be perfect? No because I realize that would be unrealistic. I do not think any relationship is perfect although many can seem that way. Everybody is pressuring me about the whole engagement/marriage issue but I am not letting that affect me although I do get tired of it. Sometimes I think I am ready to take that next step but then take a step back and look at things and feel some need to change. Then I always feel like one day down the road if we do get married, something negative will pop up. It's just sort of confusing because I would say I am close to getting engaged, maybe even married, but stuff like this always changes my mind. I know you're not supposed to go by what happens in other people's relationships because they are all different but I think it's only natural to do so.
I'd say your best bet is to be honest. Tell her you're at the crossroads of deciding whether you're ready for marriage with her and you need a month off to figure it out. She'll be pissed as hell. But in the end, she'll respect you. Make sure she knows that you're not going out to sew wild oats or anything. You just need to know what it would be like to be by yourself. It is a very mature way of handling things, and should give you a lot of insight about what you truly want to be right now. I've been in love before. Be single for 1 month and see which makes you feel more complete. Again, a hard task. But it will pay far more later on if she is truly the right one. Plus, girls play these "games" all the time. At least men are honest about it.
