I'm a lifelong Rox fan and former Houstonian who runs an Internet humor site for a living. A couple of years ago, I roped Mark Cuban into doing a "top 10" list for my site. He compiled his list from suggestions sent to him by me and my contributing writers. Here's how it looked: ===================================== January 31, 2001 Today's guest moderator: Mark Cuban Mark is the founder of Broadcast.com, one of the wealthiest people in the world, and -- most importantly for a hardcore basketball fan like myself -- the owner of the NBA's Dallas Mavericks. One of the most, er, noticeable of the new breed of young sports franchise owners, Mark bought the Mavs for $280 million and has rapidly turned them into a playoff-bound team. Along the way, he has occasionally criticized a referee or two, and has consequently paid the league office nearly $400,000 in fines. (That's $20 for each woman Wilt Chamberlain slept with!) More info on Mark can be found on our website: http://www.topfive.com/html/celebweek2001.shtml The Top 14 Cool Things About Owning an NBA Team 14> Get to say things like "I'm looking for a guy with good ball-handling skills" without getting your a$$ kicked. 13> Not that you would, but if you wanted to you could rename them the Dallas Binky-Bonky-Boinky-Bunnies. 12> Your friends may have Picassos and Rembrandts hanging in their drawing rooms; but YOU have a 6'8" purple-haired tattoo-covered ex-rebound champ serving cocktail wienies. 11> You don't see the babes flocking to a badminton team owner, do you? 10> Forget to buy your girlfriend a birthday gift? No sweat -- have Rodman spot you a fur coat and some jewelry. 9> Good for some serious "street cred" with the other young billionaires. 8> Getting to approve the final design of the cheerleader uniforms. 7> "...and for the fifth pick in the draft, the Mavericks select Hugh Jass. Hugh Jass? Is there a Hugh Jass here? Mavericks, could you please bring your Hugh Jass up to the podium?" 6> Always a chance Van Gundy will hump your leg. 5> NBA players are in it for the pure joy of the sport -- unlike those greedy bastards in the NFL. 4> Get to hit Shaq upside the head for making "Kazaam." 3> For every hottie the players get, you get 20! 2> You get to one-up Bill Gates with snide comments like, "So, how is YOUR team doing? Oh, that's right, you don't HAVE a team, do you?" and Topfive.com's Number 1 Cool Thing About Owning an NBA Team... 1> Can tell the coach to run plays that involve pulling down the other team's shorts. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ] ------------------------------------------------------------------ WWW.TOPFIVE.COM =====================================
