Let's start telling some jokes I'll go first: Sexual Olympics A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze. "Silver," she said. "Why not gold?" "Because I want you to come second for once!"
a married couple take their 8yr old son to a nude beach for the 1st time after playing on the sand for a little while, Jr. returns to ask mom a question "How come some of these women have breasts that are bigger than yours?" "Well son, the larger the breasts the the sillier the woman." Satisfied with the answer, Jr returns to playing. again, he returns for another question "Mom, how come some of the men have "things" bigger than dad's?" "Well son, the larger the "thing" the dumber the man." Again satisfied, he returns to playing. An hour later he runs up to his mother exclaiming "Mommy, mommy i just saw dad talking to the silliest woman on the beach and the more he talks to her the dumber he gets!"
YaoMing: Nice post move. David Wesley: Hey. Anyone want to go out to eat tonight? Juwan Howard: Cool. Sura faints.
It pays to pay attention!! First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body. "For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
Kicking Bird approached the summer w/great anticipation, for this year he would pass from being a child to a man.........after completing the tribal ritual. The elders pointed to a high peak & explained the challenge: "1st you must climb the peak w/no food or water. Upon your descent, you'll see & enter a cave where you will kill the bear & then go to that tee-pee & rape the squaw" Kicking Bird took 2 days to ascend & descent the peak. Dehydrated, dazed & disoriented, he creeps into the bear's cave. Following 1hr of screams, cries & agonizing pain........Kicking Bird stumbles out, his clothes tattered, his body full of bruises & lacerations & exclaims "Now, where is that squaw so that i can kill her!"
A grandfather went to visit his college-aged grandson at the boy's college dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his grandson was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway to his room. "In my day," grumbled Gramps, "we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes." "But Grandpa," replied the grandson, "that IS a w****'s shoe."
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did... *This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who,the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too! *I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better. *I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Only clean joke I know..... A Texas Longhorn, a Baylor Bear and a Texas A&M Aggie decided to go to Mexico together for Spring Break. They drove down to Matomoros in the Aggie's car. The crossed the border. While driving in Matomoros, the Aggie accidentally ran a stop sign and hit and killed a pedestrian. The Matomoros police arrested all three of them and charged all three with murder. After a show trial, the judge sentenced all three of them to death in the electric chair. Execution day comes. The first one in the chair is the Longhorn. The warden asks him if he has anything to say before they pull the switch. "Yes sir, I do. I am a graduate of the University of Texas and UT Law school. I am a lawyer licensed in the state of Texas. What you are about to do violates all international law and legal precedent, and you must set us free." They strap the Longhorn into the chair and pull the switch. Nothing happens. The warden releases him, because they cannot retry him due to double jeopardy. Next one in the chair is the Baylor Bear. The warden asks him if he has anything to say before they pull the switch. "Yes sir, I do. I am a graduate of Baylor Baptist University. I am an ordained Baptist minister. What you are about to do is in violation of G-d's will and the teachings of all religion throughout the world. You must set us free." They strap the Baylor Bear in the chair and pull the switch. Nothing happens. The warden releases him, because they cannot retry him due to double jeopardy. Then they strap the Aggie into the chair. The warden asks him if he has anything to say before they pull the switch. "Yes sir, I do. I am a graduate of Texas A&M University. I have a degree in electrical engineering. I am a licensed electrician in the state of Texas. Now, the way I see it, if you just switch out this main fuse, this chair here just might work!"
