I have two daughters 8 and 7. I love them greatly...I have my wife, and we have tried to make it work, after 11 years of marriage we have even been separated for 5 months about 3 1/2 years ago... I have tried but at the end of the day, I feel life sapping from me in a slow manner because she has slowly reverted to the terrible reason we separated and almost divorced 3 1/2 years ago... I am religious and I know GOD does not like divorce, but it seems like I have a roomate rather than a wife, and she has changed in a way to where she has no humor, she gets upset over the littlest stuff, she criticizes unreasonably, and would rather place emphasis on money than enjoyment of life... I could go on and on... The point is she is easy to leave, but it is not easy to leave my daughters... I would still see my daughters in summer and holidays, but not every day (i'm not sure I can pay that price so easily) We just got a home 3 1/2 to 4 years ago, but she can have it... I also would not stay in Tennessee,...I'd move back to Houston where I'd have network family support... Please, if any of you have any kind of understanding,....please let me know. I want my life back, but I also am willing to sacrifice everything for my girls... Thanks...
I have no experience with what you're talking about, but it would seem to me a good compromise would be to get divorced, but stay in Tennessee. I understand moving back to Houston would go a long way in getting you back to being happy, etc., but clearly your children mean a lot to you. You can carve out a new life for yourself in Tennessee and still be able to see your children more regularly, right? sorry your in your predicament. hope it works out.
I have vast experience with what you're talking about.... but unfortunately, I don't have a solution. That's my short answer. I have a much longer answer.
Couples counseling. Even if only to help you two figure out how to be the best divorced parents you can possibly be. Divorce isn't the be-all end-all of a family. What is is when divorced parents no longer communicate: resentment is created (or amplified) due to that lack of communication, which breeds further misunderstanding, which breeds more resentment, which leads to more misunderstanding, and on and on and on. You two must figure out how to communicate, whether married or divorced. A neutral third party can help immensely. Don't let pride get in the way.
I got divorced from my wife about 4 months ago. We had two kids, and trust me it is much better to be happy than be in the relationship because of the kids. Your kids will be able to tell you are not happy and that is not a good thing. It took a little time, but me and my ex wife are actually very good friends now. I know that is not always possible, but for two adults who have children together being respectful and decent with each other should be a goal after a divorce. I, like you, could not help the person my ex had become and I don't think God intends for you to be unhappy for the rest of your life. Do what you feel is right, and remember it is going to be hard to make others happy (your children) if you are not happy yourself. Good luck.
Ouch dude, if you moved back to Houston, how would you not be abandoning your daughters? I would try counseling, definitly. Does your wife know how you feel about all this? Life is a rollar coaster, got to take the good with the bad. Have you got friends that you can do things outside of the marriage with? Golf? Poker? Hunting & Fishing? I really feel for you man....dang...... DD
My advice would be to do your best to fall in love with eachother again. Get counseling. Be honest with eachother. Talk calmly and rationally. Tell her your problems and concerns and listen to hers. Do fun family things together that don't necessarily cost a lot of money. Walks, hikes, camping, find a way to celebrate each day. Find hobbies that you both can enjoy together. Start a book club, choose something inspirational that interests you both, read and talk about it. Take turns picking out a movie and watching it together once a weak. Devote yourselves to being the best parents you can, but also take time out for yourselves to enjoy a little romance. Join a couples Bible Study. Give it all your effort. If finances are tough downsize and commit to the important things in life. Faith, family, love. Volunteer together at the local homeless shelter or food pantry. Play tennis, soccer, whatever with the four of you. Cherise family time. Life is short. If you try your best to be a good husband and she's not willing to make the effort...keep on being the best dad you can. You'll have to make personal decisions as to what will be best for your daughters. Stay positive. Good luck and God bless you and your family.
Why has she changed? Medical, like depression or chronic pain? Stress (kids are a handfull), money problems? Did you do some thinking with your little head? My brother's wife was bi-polar and their life quickly evolved into a barely platonic relationship after the birth of their daughter. He traveled a lot for work and had an outside relationship but he stuck it out for 15 years till their daughter was on her own. It was a b****, but he did it..and even though they are now divorced and he is happy with his other relationship, he makes sure she has everything she needs. (and get rid of all your guns to avoid the temptation!)
I feel for you. I separated from my wife 14 months ago and I took it pretty hard. Unlike your kids, my son was 19 and mature enough to know it was for the best. I will also say this. I said that it would be simple splitting up with her. Well it wasn't and I cried like a baby numerous times over many months. I was with my wife for 21 years and it all just caved in one horrible day. The upside is that I might not have changed my evil ways had it not been so terrible. Although we stay separated from each other, our relationship is getting better. I have yet to sign the divorce papers. I have them and know I need to, but I just haven't. I still have a lot of growing up to do. Don't just assume divorce is the answer. You may want to separate again for 6 months and maybe incorporate some counselling. If you don't get back together after that and you both agree in a civil way then take the next step. Good luck
Dude, don't even get into the whole "abandonment" thing. As someone who actually lives in Houston, and has a son in Tennessee, I can tell you it is a pain in the ass. My ex hasn't exactly been stellar in my seeing him, either. Be aware that if you just spew out "divorce" without having a long, frank, discussion with her (as well as your being open to other alternatives) there will more than likely be scorn on her end. And while you can file petitions for contempt, and go through all the court nastiness, it is BY FAR better if this can be handles, either way, as amicably as possible. Take a deep breath, be patient with the results, and try to be as understanding and sympathetic to her as possible when you break the news.
Randy, Dude, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Hang in there and I'll pray for you and your situation. I've been married close to 16 months now and it has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Yet, I love my wife and I love her daughter which I consider to be mine own daughter. If things got really really bad between my wife and me, I would still stay because I feel I owe my daughter that. One thing I have found that helps me get along with my wife is to keep my mouth shut when she does something or says something that makes me mad. That can be incredibly hard to do, but I have found that the times that I can do it, it makes for a good situation all around for everybody in our family.
Yea, I was telling my father last weekend (with my wife present) that the biggest problem we have had is that we can be 2 incredibly stubborn people who don't want to give up an inch. It is like the one that backs down first is such a loser and that there is so much pride that is at stake. When I have a chance to really look back and be relaxed and calm, it is a joke that I have let such trivial bullsh!t minutiae get me so worked up! I try not to be a proud person but sometimes pride does get in the way and the same thing goes for my wife. But we are hanging in there and doing better.
Sorry to hear about your family bro. I know I always hear people say, dont stay together for the kids. Every couple I know that is divorced, and agreed that divorce was the best way to go, have a great relationship. If your wife doesnt want a divorce, then the next best thing is probably counseling. Does she have a hard job? Maybe its her job thats making her miserable and shes bringing it home? Maybe joining a softball league, or doing something together with out the kids would help your relationship. Good luck,and whatever decision you make, im sure will be the best for you the and kids.
