So my son is trying to get into a good school and fully expects that his mom and I will help pay. I never went to college but instead went into the military, did 21 yrs, then got out and got a good job. My soon to be ex-wife put herself through college and has a good job. We never set aside money for college because as my wife always said, "I put myself through school and had a great appreciation for my education so our kids can do the same." I never had support from my parents nor ever expected it. My son is extremely smart and last year got accepted to a really good school only to discover he couldn't afford it. He's taking the same approach this time around and has made it clear he needs help to pay for the schools he wants to get into. His mom I believe is going to help him but I on the other hand am less likely. Although very smart, he's a pretty lazy person and has a history of putting things off and doing the minimum whenever he can. I told him to apply to schools that he can pay for on his own with scholarships, grants, loans, etc. He's pretty pissed at me right now and seem to have this sense of entitlement which is something he's never had nor anything we fostered. I'd love some feedback from those who put themselves through school as well as folks who had parental assistance. Thanks in advance!
Try financial aid. It's free money that doesn't need to be paid back. Tell hime to apply to as many scholarships as he possibly can. Hopefully all of that minimizes the costs of tuition. Sorry I can't be of more help. Hope all works out well for you and your family.
Colleges are more expensive these days, but I wouldn't give him a free ride either. I would help with food or rent, but tell him he is on his own for tuition.
does he know what he wants to do after college? for example my father didnt want to pay for my brother to go to college and my brother wants to go to med school after college. i told my bro that he should go to the cheapest undergrad possible, keep his grades up, then get into med school. right now his tuition is so low its a joke, he can pay for it himself. he will need student loans for med school but at least he saved something like 50k on undergrad. if you know what the plan is after college, then you can set a course to get there. if he's not going to go to grad school, then the college he goes to for undergrad means a lot more, and it might be worth you helping out. if he's going to choose a profession that doesn't really care about what school you went to as long as you have a degree (like education) then i would again advise towards the cheapest undergrad. also, what about a reward system for your financial support? you say he's on the lazy side. how about offering x mount of dollars if he keeps his GPA above a 3.0, y amount of dollars if its above a 3.5, etc...
Thanks everyone! My son is a math whiz and wants to someday teach at a university level. That's his excuse for wanting/needing to get into good school so he can get into a good graduate school. I think so much of this has to do with prestige. His friends are all very smart and going to good schools and he feels like he wants to do the same. He made the comment about how all his friends parents are sacrificing so their kids can go to really good schools. I'm not inclined to do that especially given his work ethic or lack there of. Thanks again!
if thats the case then i would seriously consider the reward system. if he keeps his grades up you would be more inclined to help, no? if he stays lazy and his grades drop then as part of the agreement you wouldn't have to help. if he really wants the financial help, he will make sure to keep his grades up, if not you don't help. plus anyone can take out student loans large enough to cover tuition, dorming, and meal plans. even without any financial help he can put himself through school, he will just have to pay it back later.
If he wants to go to graduate school in math, he should just go to a state school for undergrad (like UT) and make really good grades. It's pretty easy to get into a good graduate school after that. Also, they pay for you to go to graduate school alot of the time for the sciences, so you don't pile up debts after undergrad.
Sorry for the double post... But it's also really easy to pay for yourself at a state school - there are sooo many scholarships in addition to subsidized loans that don't have interest for the lifetime of the loan. Tell him to apply to a bunch of scholarships - I used to apply to at least 8-10 a year.
UT was only 600 dollars a semester my first semester. Those were the good old days where you could pay for college with a part time job.
This. The bolded part especially. I had some help from my mom during my first undergrad, but I paid the vast majority of it myself via student loans. My second undergrad was 100% all me via student loans. OP, have you discussed this with your wife? What does she think? It sounds as though you're in an uncomfortable situation as it is, seeing as how she's your soon-to-be-ex, but I'd advise a united front so that you're not made out to be the bad guy, nor or later. Personally, were I to have children, they'd have to know at an early age that I have no intention of setting aside a "college fund" for them. I put myself through school and I'll still be paying for it for many, many years to come. So, 1) I don't see how I could ever afford to pay for them after raising them and while still paying my own loans and 2) I paid for myself, I wouldn't have had it any other way, and I would expect the same from them. Of course I'd send my kid money or help out when I could, but to actually make a plan to pay for their schooling in its entirety is something else entirely. Bottom line: keep communication lines open with your wife and son to create the best possibility for a win-win situation, and don't let anger/frustration get the best of you.
A few notes.. 1) Don't compare your historical situation with your son's current situation. It's completely irrelevant. 2) Thinking your son is lazy is all too common. So common that it's, again, almost irrelevant. Is he unusually lazy? Is he lazy about things he's passionate about? Can you give some examples of his poor work ethic? I can tell you out of experience that I was a terrific HS student and because I couldn't afford going to a great school of my choice, I completely tanked it. I did the least possible to get through. Really became a waste of time, was working to make money or studying in a place I didn't want to be at. Granted, there are people who didn't have that opportunity and I should've been grateful, but it really killed my passion. My advice is that you help him out as much as you can and have him pay you back as soon as he can. Put a number on it. How much money are you willing to put at risk to avoid reaching a stage later where you think to yourself "he was right, I should've helped out, I screwed up." Work your way from that number.
UT has a fantastic math program and tuition is only like $6,000. And you can share an apartment with roommates for like 700 dollars a month which includes rent, utilities, food etc. that is a great deal. You can take out loans, do FAFSA, apply for scholarships and UT really does have a great math major
I think A&M and UT Dallas also have great math departments and they are more generous with scholarship $$$ than UT. And no grad school is going to reject you for graduating from A&M, UT, or UTD and doing well. Those schools send tons of kids to MIT, caltech etc. every year
When my parents divorced, my dad ceded his half of the house to my Mom on the condition that she would spend the proceeds from the sale to pay for our education. So when my younger brother got in Yale, he called my dad up and dad said "I thought your Mom was going to pay for it." Suffice it to say he didn't get to see the kid until he re-married my Mom again, and even then still didn't get invited to any graduations or parents' weekends. So, go ahead and roll that dice.
I'm sure there are other details that I don't know about but that sounds kind of ****ed up of your brother. To not see your dad because he wouldn't pay for Yale? My kids might as well disown me now because I'm not paying for them to go to Yale. I think Ivy league is a waste of money(unless you are rich) for an undergrad degree.
yale meets 100% of financial need. So if your family is evaluated to be able to pay 10k a year, then yale will give the remaining 40k to you in grants. families who make under 65k a year get full rides. So either you can pay for yale cuz you are rich and it won't hurt your pocketbook, or you can pay for it because you are poor and they give you tons of aid. Ivy league schools are very generous and provide unrivaled opportunities for their students
IF you can afford it, you should help your son out with paying for college. IMHO, it's kind of a dick move to have them pay themselves if you can afford it
Sorry, universities are only practical for wealthy people these days. Your son should take his first 2 years of school at a community college. It will be much less expensive. But here are the facts as they stand now: Without your help, he probably won't be able to attend a university. Either way, he will likely have a crushing amount of debt by the time he finishes.
Well, if you can pay for it you should. He can't receive any financial aid if you can afford it. My advice is send him to community college to do his basics once he knows what classes he needs to take. If everyone goes to college who's gonna mow my lawn?
