http://www.iloveisiah.com/ Dear New York Knicks Fans: December 22, 2006 will mark a glorious occasion in the long, illustrious history of this franchise: The 3-Year Anniversary of My Decision to Hire Isiah Thomas. A Cause For Celebration: Since December 22, 2003, Isiah has shown me a lot of "evident progress": * Zero Playoff Wins * A Won-Loss Record of 92-147 (.384)* * Unprecedented Salary Cap Mismanagement * No Franchise Player and No Hope of Getting One * Voted "General Manager of the Year" by Jerome James' Agent * Voted "General Manager of the Decade" in Phoenix, San Antonio, Chicago, Toronto, and Orlando *Through December 8, 2006 The Invitation: In celebration of all that Isiah has accomplished the 3 years that he's been here, I will be throwing an anniversary party in his honor, and YOU'RE INVITED! Based on the recent home attendance figures, I know that there aren't many of you left. I also know that Isiah thinks you're dumb and blames you for the team's poor home record. But, for one night, let's think positive and Let's Party Like It's 1998-99. Anniversary Party Details: The Master of Ceremonies will be Anucha Browne-Sanders. The party will be catered by Stephon Marbury's cousins. And event security will be provided by the Greenburgh Police Department. For your viewing pleasure, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus will provide live entertainment featuring "Spontaneous" Nate Robinson. For your listening pleasure, my band, "J.D. and the Straight Shot," will perform all of Isiah's favorite songs: * "It's Still Layden's Fault" * "Excuses Are My Best Friend" * "Don't Blame Me--Blame Larry" * "Let's Pretend We're Rebuilding" * "Take It Easy on Me--I'm From the West Side of Chicago" There will be a charity auction fundraiser. The items up for auction will include: * A Six-Pack of Isiah's Kool Aid * Brooklyn Nets Season Tickets * The Continental Basketball Association * Tickets to the 2007 NBA Lottery in Secaucus, NJ * A "Scowl Towel" autographed by Stephon Marbury All fundraiser proceeds will go to my favorite charities: The Larry Brown Settlement Society and The Luxury Tax Foundation. Special Guests: There will be special guest appearances by all the members of Isiah's "Golden Parachute Gang": Don Chaney, Dick Helm, Lenny Wilkens, Shandon Anderson, Jerome Williams, Maurice Taylor, and Jalen Rose. And Larry Brown will be signing autographs for a fee ($1,000) from inside his S-U-V while stopped at a red light. Anniversary Party Place: The Atlantic Basement in the Eastern Conference Room at Madison Square Garden. Anniversary Party Date/Time: We have a home game versus the Chicago Bulls the night of Isiah's 3-Year Anniversary. The party will begin as soon as the Bulls have a 20-point lead. The Knicks fan who boos Isiah the loudest will win a Bulls jersey autographed by Tyrus Thomas and Greg Oden. How to RSVP: RSVP by clicking the "Comments" icon below. The first 100 Knicks fans to RSVP will win a replica of Nazr Mohammed's San Antonio Spurs Championship Ring. RSVP Deadline: RSVP before Isiah completes his exit strategy or the Commissioner invokes the "best interests of basketball" clause to have me declared mentally incompetent. Closing Remarks: When my daddy gave me a promotion and put me in charge of the family business, it was the 51st Greatest Moment at Madison Square Garden. Scott Layden's arrival was 52nd and Isiah's arrival was 53rd. As proof of Isiah's greatness, here is a December 2003 quote from him, accurately predicting what his impact on the Knicks would be: "The way the salary cap is set up today, mistakes are costly. If you come in and really don't assess properly and do your homework, you can set this franchise back further." Come to Isiah's Anniversary Party, or you'll hear from my lawyers. Yours truly, James L. Dolan PS Please forward this invitation to every Knicks fans you know. And please post the link in your column, blog, message board, etc. Every Knicks fan should be reminded of just how blessed we've been since December 22, 2003.
