It's a Metaphor Baby!

DudeWah · Apr 12, 2009

A little piece that my friend wrote.
I thought it was a bit lulzy...
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When wise men look to compete, they care not for sports or cards. Sports are disgusting, requiring an unpleasant amount of effort and an excess of sweat and odor, while cards are simply boring. I'm sorry if you like cards, but seriously, get a life. No, when wise men want to play a game, they pick a classic: something timeless, subtle and seductive; simultaneously violent and graceful, requiring an agile mind and astute perception. They play chess.
The first step of the game is to carefully study your opponent's pieces. Not their smooth, flawless surfaces, shining in the light, curving gracefully into a blissfully attractive oblivion. The opening move is the most important, often times indicative of the outcome of the entire game, so watch how your match examines your pieces. A glance may give away their plans.
Also, be sure to watch your own strategy. Be careful not to be over eager in your attack, lest you open yourself to vengeance or ridicule. Always be careful to hide your strategy; although they know you want to knock them over, they don't know how your going to do it, so try to keep them guessing.
After you're done with the foreplay, your real game comes into play. Here's when knowing your opponent may come in handy; stupid players spread easily, exposing themselves carelessly in their pursuit of you. Although such inexperienced opponents are fun to beat, its easy to lose one's taste for such weak competition.
However, if you do finally meet an opponent that you can't capture easily, don't capitulate just because it's hard; after all, the best things in life are hard to get. It will take time, and it will take dedication, but the pride felt upon their submission will be worth the effort. Again, you must be careful not to approach too quickly, as such a crafty creature will see through your false overtures. You must be slow and methodical, building a solid offense before you finally make your move. Always apply a constant pressure; if you slacken, they may get away from you. Be careful to guard yourself, but don't be afraid to make a sacrifice; sometimes, they pay off.
Of course, every situation requires a different strategy. Quick match in a public place may feel rushed, sure, but if your opponent to play, then you have nothing to lose. There is always the chance that you might get your ass handed to you by a hustler, but that's life. Just because they broke the rules doesn't mean you have to quit the game.
Now that you know the basics, go out there and play. Don't be afraid to challenge people on the street: you never know who you might find. I'm a big fan of pick up matches in bars, because its a whole lot easier to win when the other guy's drunk. It won't get you laid, and you'll probably spend a lot of your time hanging out with prepubescent nerds, but at least you won't be playing scrabble with your grandma.
Click to expand...

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http://jon-thejuice.blogspot.com/2009/02/its-metaphor-baby.html

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