Maybe some of the older gentry here can help me on this one. Hell probably anyone can. Anways, I find myself being alone and doing things by myself by myself alot more these days. For example going to concerts, movies and restaraunts. The funny thing is I have a good group of friends and even a gf, but I seem to have been distancing myself from them for a while now. Its not like I find my friends or gf annoying, I just find the conversation and interactions I have with them to be meaningless. Basically, its the same 5 things I talk to my friends about, and the same 3 things I talk to my gf about. I get no no interest or motivation being around them anymore. What got this started,was the other day, I went to a concert by myself. I ran into a group of friends, and they asked me who I was with. I said, I'm here by myself. They thought I was being sarcastic or something, and left it at that. In actuality, I didnt invite any of my friends or gf to the concert,because I know they have no interest in what I listen to. Then the next day, one of my friends calls me and asks if everything is alright. I'm like, "yes, everything is fine, why do you ask." She then says that she noticed me walking out of the concert by myself,and thought that was awful strange of me. She then proceeded to tell me what my friends were speculating about my growing recent distance to them. It ranged anywhere from being depressed, being on drugs, to running with the mob. Crazy stuff. I told her, "no, there isnt a problem, everything is fine, but thanks for your concern." Back in high school and when I was a teen, I used to be ultra self concious with who I was seen with, or what group I belonged to. I would always think I would need someone to do stuff with. I'm now 24. Now I'm just content being alone and doing stuff by myself. I find myself going to the movies by myself, because I don't like my group bothering me about what is happening during the movie, or I dont really like to discuss what I think about it later. The same with other scenarios. I often go to parties, by myself, with the hope that I get the chance to meet new people who interest me. The only time I spend with my girlfriend is on the weekend. The rest of the time, I just focus on my work, my animals, learning new things, reading more, self growth and the general pursuit of enlightenment I'm not depressed, sad, or angry at anything or anyone. Or I don't think so at least. But do you find this type of behavior weird? Does this happen to you when you get older? Do you stop being so self concious? Does it not matter anymore, who you are with or not with? Does society place too much emphasis on being with friends or a significant other at all times? I didn't really know who to turn to, so I thought maybe the BBS could provide insight into this. Thanks.
I doubt it's just you. Seems like most people get less social in their mid-20's. I never did, nor wanted to, but seems like everyone else did and it's been a lot harder to find people to hang out with, unless you get some younger friends. Maybe most people, or a lot of people, really do prefer to be alone most of the time. Myself, I don't care about what society thinks one way or another, and I do plenty by myself when I need to, but I'd rather have someone to hang out with. More interesting.
i've become more introverted in the last 2 years as well...i spend about 2 hours a day with my girlfriend (meals mostly)...but other than that - my only major socializing is either playing hockey or basketball (probably about 8 hours a week)... other than that i tend to just read and do homework (and BBS).
It happened to my father, I believe it has a lot to do with the top dog mentality. In our own niches, we're the top dog.
who needs to hang out with 5 or 6 friends when you can be at your computer hanging out with 10k clutchfans
Not weird at ALL. I have to have a certain amount of alone time every day or else I tend to get grumpy and start snapping at people. I'm not a big phone-talker either. I just don't understand people who walk around with a cell phone attached to their ear. I just don't get it. When my band plays, everyone jumps on their cell phones THE MINUTE we take a break. Often, I'm the only one in the room not babbling away on a cell phone. And the thing is they are talking to people that they just talked to a few hours ago. What could have possibly happened during that time to make you feel the need to call someone again? I think some people just aren't comfortable enough with themselves to not always feel the need to be around other people.
I've been going to concerts and movies by myself for years - but thats mostly because I dont see them as events where I want to talk to someone else. If I really dig the band, I dont want to chat about it...I want to watch the band. Ditto with the movies. Dinner, however, I rarely do solo.
Are you saying that.. you feel like doing things differently and spend my times on your own lately... then your friends say how you have changed, and you start to worry that maybe you are becoming 'different' from your old self or becoming something that is not approved by the majority of the society. And you feel somewhat uneasy about it right now. And you are trying to look for some reassurances, someone else to tell you which way is the 'proper' way?
well not really looking for reassurances, but wanting to know if this is more common than i am led to believe.
Man, I wouldn't worry about it at all. I have been like that my entire life and have only found one female that's ever interested me enough to want to date her. It didn't work out between us, and I haven't really dated anyone since her. I have some good friends, but a lot of the time I'm in the same boat as you...I don't find them compelling for large periods of time. Sometimes I think I spend too much time alone...and that isn't a good thing... But I have gone to the movies and concerts and other traditionally group oriented events by myself before. I'm a little bit different than you, as I've gotten a tad bit more social since I've been to college. As long as you are cool with your feelings, don't worry about spending more time alone...
i'm the exact same way man.... even the same age. dont stress it. when i was younger, i always had to be with my friends, couldn't do anything w/o them.... but now, i just geniunely like doing (some)things solo. even if i go to a show with a group of friends, i'll typically wander off and listen up close by myself. and now, i actually look forward to spending nights alone with no one to bother me, even weekend nights.... 3 years ago? forget it. i had to find the party, and ha to surround myself with a ton of people. i just think it's a part of growing up, personally. graduating from school has a ton to do with it. i dont feel like i have to impress anyone (usually), nor do anything if i really don't feel like it - simple as that. i'm super laid back, so being able to relax regardless what i'm doing or where i'm at is a high priority for me now. cheers.
Mr. Brightside, You've just described me with your first post, it's scary! I find myself doing exactly the same thing, and I thoroughly enjoy doing things on my own (go to movies, restaurants, games, etc). In fact, if I don't take some time out for myself once every week, I am grumpy the rest of the working week. It's not like I have no one to hang out with, because I do, but I just need my "me time" and apparently this girl I was seeing not long ago was upset about that, and demanded to spend more time with me; I found it somewhat annoying and it was one of the reasons why I stopped seeing her. I don't know, I guess some people have different personalities and need to hang out with friends and other people all the time to feel good about themselves and their lives, I am not one of those people. I honestly enjoy being by myself a lot of times and doing things that I enjoy doing without having to 'compromise' or account for the presence of someone else. However, I have to deal with people around me telling me every chance they get about how I should 'find someone to marry' in the near future or friends telling me about their partying ways over the weekends and getting drunk until they pass out, only to ask me what I did for fun over the weekend, and when I tell them I hanged out by myself mostly -- going to the movies, a game, the beach, whatever -- they look at me like I am crazy or anti-social or something. I guess I am no the only one though like that...
Very weird, I thought I was the only one that had gotten like this as I've gotten older! I'm 26, and have gone through/am going through many of the same feelings that you do MB. It seriously makes me feel a lot better that other people are the same way. I thought I was just turning into an ******* that hated everybody and I couldnt figure out why!
Mr. Brightside, you are comfortable with yourself, and do not need the constant reassurance of your friends that you are an interesting individual. I'm in the midst of disassociating myself from a lot of things, and it's frustrating being in a college house with younger girls who are still so self-conscious about how they are seen. The only difference is that I love being with my boyfriend, and I love that he's interested in most of the things that I want to share with him. He's very in tune with how I like to do things (not talk during movies, slow dinners, etc). You're fine. In fact, you're great- you're just becoming an adult.
That's kinda funny. I wonder how I am friends with some of my friends. We barely share any kind of interests like music, movies, entertainment, crap like that. Must be my charm and winning personality or something.
I'm all of the above too. And there's like a 2 minute plateau where I can pay attention on the phone. Then I find myself zoning out and abruptly ending the conversation. I blame it all on the internet.
Nothing wrong with you. Thought you might be going through a Mid-life crisis (like myself)- until I read you were 24, but it's all cool. Just wait until you get to be mid 30's or early 40's and start gawking at the HOT college chicks.
I feel the same way sometimes. Are you stressed at work or don't like it? For me, some of those days I want to box out the world and do my own thing. If you want some check on your behavior to see if it's wierd or not, try making new friends with the interests your old friends didn't like or know...like music or your new hobbies. There are times when I feel like my friends get in the way of my hobbies instead of improve them. Maybe it's a problem now because as you get older there's a growing sense of choice and control over the things you do.
Friends are overrated. Even though I love my girlfriend, living with 24/7 got old really quick. I actually prefer the alone time I get when she's at work.
