Having studied family law recently, I've come to the conclusion that for most people, particularly myself, this "marriage" thing makes no sense. I think too many people get hoodwinked into marriage by tradition and ignorance of what marriage means under the legal system. First, the monogamy aspect of it. Sure, marriage, for the many couples means free available sex. Now, I'm just speculating, but those of you who have been married for a long time can probably tell us this... How much passion is still left after 15-20 years together? I figure it might get boring, no? There are "open marriages", I suppose, but those are not the majority, or are they? Most of the time exploring outside of the 2 person unit means "adultery" under the law and is a ground for divorce and losing all kinds of stuff. And even those are not such great deals due to other negative aspects of the marriage institution. Next, the cohabitation part...this isn't a legal requirement meaning each of you lose some freedom (one example given by Tom Stoppard in one of his plays is being able to fart in bed) and/or have to put up with annoying habits of the other person unless nothing about you two bother each other. Living by oneself and just meeting up once every other day seems to be a better deal. And then there is divorce-- half of all marriages end in them so you can't ignore the consequences. Sure, it worked OK for the other half, but do you REALLY know which half your marriage is when you say "I do"? It's one nasty law suit, the nastiest kind there is. And if you have any kind of property/earning potential, you have to share it with this person that you likely aren't fond of by now. Custody battles are horrible too. Pre-nups, by the way, are not always given legal effect by the court, either. Sure, there are some tax benefits, but I really don't see any good reason to enter into a life-time contract that you don't have much freedom to modify and that you have to endure nasty consequences for breaching. By the way, I'm only speaking of marriage under the laws of this country. Other countries have different definitions of marriage, which may work better. I kind of like how Islam (as far as I know) treats marriage more as a contract between the parties to be defined by the parties. Seems like a more realistic point of view of things.
We live in a culture that is hostile to marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman. It celebrates weddings, yes, but it also celebrates divorces. Why wouldn’t it? We hear more about happy divorces than we do about happy marriages. And even bitter divorces serve to reinforce the idea that marriage makes people miserable—just think how much worse off those pitiful people would be had they stayed married. I’m married, I love being married, and I love my wife. I think marriage is a divine gift, the natural state of mankind, the only condition in which all but a very few people can live full lives—the first thing in creation that was not good was man’s aloneness. It’s difficult, though, because we have no comprehensive set of rules, no manual to cover every situation, no way for both my wife and me to be happy with each other all the time. On top of that, our entertainment media tell us that married people are bitter, bored, and trapped in an existence with no variety, sex, or passion. (Last week I heard a character on a TV show say, “Do you think it’s a coincidence that monogamy rhymes with monotony?”) And then I see the real-life marriages of my friends, family members, and acquaintances fall apart every day, while the new national pastime is finding unique and humorous ways to complain about spouses. It almost seems like a societal conspiracy to discourage contentment. I’m hoping now to begin undermining the conspirators (Like you Van Gundier) I plan to celebrate marriage and to communicate things I’ve learned about being married, but mostly to encourage and be encouraged by others who might feel oppressed by the pervasive negative sentiments in our culture. Marriage: It’s a beautiful thing.
There's always the "I want to try to lock in 'who's going to change my diaper when I get old' early in the process" reasoning.
Personally, I don't care for the legal aspect. Who cares if I have a document saying that I'm bound to this dude for the rest of my life unless we file for divorce... I just want the ceremony
I noticed you cleverly avoided using the word "love" in this post about marriage, as if to imply by omission a divorce (hehe) of the two terms. Tsk tsk.. what would Ol' Blue Eyes have to say about that? Love and marriage, love and marriage Go together like a horse and carriage This I tell you brother You can't have one without the other Love and marriage, love and marriage It's an institute you can't disparage Ask the local gentry And they will say it's elementary Try, try, try to separate them It's an illusion Try, try, try, and you will only come To this conclusion Love and marriage, love and marriage Go together like a horse and carriage Dad was told by mother You can't have one without the other
Not being married isn't going to stop me from giving an opinion... A good reason is definitely not what other people think. It's what you and your potential life mate mutually agree upon or at least continue to see eye to eye on. If you're both swingers, then party on. If you're both devoted to a cult, then worship on. The law aspect seems to seperate the wheat from the chaff, but people are never going to follow the rules, let alone endless paragraphs of words of a different language. You might as well marry a robot if you want a fool proof marriage...
lol. No kidding. If you look at it solely as a "contractual agreement" I'm not sure I could really convince you otherwise. Of course, if you look at it solely as a "contractual agreement" you will probably never have to worry about getting married regardless.
Well as someone who has been married for the last 5 years and is going through a divorce now..... I STILL hope to get married again in the future.
Don't come in here trying to pee on my foot and tell me it's raining. Do you think she KICKS ASS? Would she be the only one for whom you'd nair your nads?? Would you take a ride ride with her and no one else??? Do you accept her if she's a YOF and you're a TMOF? Would she be the only one whom you'd take to the TUX & TENNIES Gala? Do you see yourself making little Rockets' fans with her in the future??? Do you love that girl??? THEN MARRY HER. It's as simple as that. Divorce? Don't get me started on that shiznit. Ya'll Americans love this STATISTICAL crap.
wouldn't that be a reason NOT to? on a more serious note, I'd love to have a kid, maybe. i do want to marry but not til i'm at least 35. and if i do, i hope my wife-to-be understands the importance of a pre-nup, for the both of us. if she gives me crap about why we need a prenup i'll throw the "why do we need to get married" card in her face. marriage is insurance for her, prenup is insurance for me.
Careful what you wish for... children are a divine gift. You'd be amazed to know what it's really like. As for marriage, who cares what the legal issues are? If/when you find the right person, they are moot.
For some/many it is safe to say that marriage does not offer any benefits to men that are not available to them if they do not get married. If you do not get married you can still have kids, own property, have a nice job, travel, have sex, etc. Married men are basically sitting ducks with a huge bullseye strapped to their backs in today's society. Check out some divorce statistics, as the numbers do not lie, and study them well, because this is not something to be taken lightly. If you do decide to get married, do so as late in life as possible and make sure you have a cleverly constructed prenuptial agreement. On the other hand, even a good prenupt is not a guarantee against getting royally ****ed in the ass by your friendly local judge if he/she happens to be in a bad mood. Now for women the opposite is true. After all, when one party loses, logically another is the winner. Compared to cohabitation there are many benefits to marriage for her should the relationship go sour. So before you rush into anything, think. And after you are done thinking, think again. The right woman for you today may turn out to be your worst enemy tomorrow. And by getting married you are in essence giving her the upper hand. I'm married. It's awesome. I wasn't one of those people who "always dreamed of marriage" or anything, but it's just wonderful to be working on a team with someone who you love and trust for your mutual well-being. You should choose someone who is trustworthy, and you communicate well together. You should also look for someone who is capable of selfless thought occasionally. For example, it's probably a good thing that Van Gundier doesn't want to get married. With his view of marriage, it's absolutely correct that there's little for him to gain in it. It takes a lot of security and self-esteem. If you are both deficient in that area and are trying to knock the other person down to boost yourself up, that won't work for too long. But that's true in any relationship, in my opinion. Most of my friends, including my wife, had extremely anti-marriage views at one point or the other. Until you are reasonable adept at relationships or meet someone relatively complementary, it might seem like the dumbest thing in the world. You can certainly see a poor approach to marriage in the current divorce rates. I would guess that those are accounted for by exactly what Van Gundier describes--people who feel pressured into marriage and marry without really planning how both parties are going to get the most out of being together. Once again, these are all skills you are going to need to work on in any long-term relationship. Marriage is just kind of graduate school in a way for the long-term relationship. Now some folks are going to read this and say, "What the ****? Why would a guy want a long-term relationship?" That's fine--people want different things. But please understand that what you want and enjoy is not necessarily the same thing that everyone feels fulfilled by.
I don't really understand the question. If two people love each other ( and I mean love, not people that are terrified of being alone) then why shouldnt they get married? If they feel that the symbol of it means something (along with everything else it provides) I don't see what the problem is. I'm not very conservative on many things, and I don't think I'm really conservative on this, but I don't understand the point of going through life moving in and out of one empty relationship after another. I'm sure that eventually loses its "spark" as well. I don't know why you wouldnt want to live with someone you loved. Sleeping alone every night doesnt sound very appealing.
legal issues are important when you're facing a divorce. sure, you love your life now and you may love it forever, but it's not a guarantee. my parents were married for 30 years and in the end, it didn't work out. as for the right person, people change for the better and the worse. if for the better, you're lucky. getting married young makes you especially susceptible to the getting the worst of it. i'm all for a loving marriage, i just don't think you should jump blindly into it b/c you've the "right" person.
Married people live longer, apparently. My wife is my best friend and after 9 years the fire is still there. And I wouldnt trade my daughter for anything.
Because you and your wife want to symbolize your commitment to each other with a formal ceremony, in front of a deity, and in the eyes of the law. There is also nothing wrong with celebrating and partaking in tradition. It is a partnership. Why do businesses have partnerships instead of all sole propriater ownership? Maybe it isn't for everyone. It doesn't bother me if others don't want to get married. You can decide if it is for you, or not.
