In need of a little advice on a bizarre relationship debacle...

First, I have to give you this...



Second, I'm guessing y'all are fairly young, or at least a bit inexperienced.

Fact is, there is NO easy way to let him down. If you're done, you're done.

(then again, you can always text message him in a few months to be TRULY evil, heh heh)

 

If he was handsome you would be happy he was clingy.

It's a big sad world out there and everyone is looking for the comfort of love.
To think you have it (in whatever form) and lose it is scary, ego bruising stuff.
No matter the bluster we put up we are all pretty weak ego's.

Junior High relationships where kids make up and break up all the time is just practice for later in life when relationships get more invested. You need to be able to try one on and see how it fits and if it doesn't fit, move on. People get hurt, but people really get hurt if they commit to an adult relationship and later find out it's uncomfortable or unbearable.

ooo,oooo, love hurts.

 

Dude sounds like a psycho.

 

Here is the really sucky part: Losing one you love always hurts, no matter what the age.

Be as gentle as possible, but make sure to let him know that it is over. Let him move on.

 

If he isnt copping the tip....I think you have to be a bit cruel to be kind unfortunantly.

If you dont have feelings for him, let him go.

 

We've said it before in relationship threads but here it is again.
Learn them, know them and embrace them and you will learn a lot about human nature:

Five Stages of Grief

Swiss-born psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (Buy her book on Death and Dying) has counseled hundreds of patients and their families through her research into death and dying. She described the classic pattern of the coping strategies of patients who know their diagnosis is terminal. This may be used at the end of the relationship, too.

The first stage is denial

Upon hearing the diagnosis, the patient reacts with a shocked, "No, not me." According to Dr.Kubler-Ross, this is a healthy stage, and permits the patient and the family to develop other defenses.

Next comes anger or resentment

"Why me?" is the question asked now. "Why my child?" Blame, directed against the doctor, nurses and God often is a part of this stage. This outcry should be accepted, unjudged.

The third stage is bargaining

"Yes me, but-" "If you'll just give me five years, God, I'll . . ." This Dr. Kubler-Ross calls a period of temporary truce.

The fourth stage is depression

Now the person says, "Yes, me," with the courage to admit that it is happening; this acknowledgment brings depression. (Note: The family often goes through all the stages, along with the patient.)

Finally comes acceptance

A time of facing death calmly. This is often a difficult time for the family, since the patient tends to withdraw, to be silent.

 

In all seriousness, this guy's got serious problems. I know another person (a bit older than you) going thru the same thing right now. The son of a friend of mine (~19 years old) had a similar experience with a girl about a year ago. This kind of person will not stop until they have complete emotional domination over you.

Get ready to be harassed and stalked. This could be one of the scariest experiences you ever have. There are two things that I know will make him stop:

1 If a (possibly older and intimidating) male friend of yours threatens and puts some fear into this guy, he will leave you alone, at least for a while.
2 He latches on to someone else.
(Restraining orders work sometimes; sometimes not)

I don't want to put unnecessary fear into you, but this creep could start parking outside where you live and watch who you hang out with every evening, and he won't mind if you know about it because he thinks that will encourage you to come back to him. It's all a part of the emotional domination.

I could be jumping to conclusions but your posts lead me to believe otherwise. The fact he went ballistic, cried (loudly?), physically shook you very hard, called and yelled at you and repeatedly called back every 2 minutes is very indicative. He's going to try and lay the biggest guilt trip in history on you. He may even resort to threatening you if the guilt trip fails.

Keep us posted here. I hope this guy goes away after a few days, but I've seen this happen before. The older this type gets the more distorted they become. Since he's only 20, maybe he hasn't developed all of the creepo traits yet.

 

Just avoid him and don't answer any of his calls. Continuing contact might give him false hope. Does he have any guy friends? They could take him to the ol' strip club to help him through this.

 

Some people just freak out during stuff like this. It sounds like he was much further along emotionally than you, from the beginning. That's the big risk when a friendship turns into something more, that one party has been has been wanting it for so long that they screw it up when they finally get it.

The key here is to be firm, without adding to the problem. I don't think you can assume this person will be a stalker or will try to hurt you. The jealousy stuff that you mentioned points to this guy's extreme insecurity, and the behavior he showing now is consistent with this type of insecurity. The quicker you can get him to move on, the less chance this will escalate on to something scary-stalkerish, and the less of a mess the next girl will have on her hands when this happens again.

 

You're going to need a shovel and an isolated spot...

 

This is one of the dumbest replies I've ever seen. Dude, your friend has serious problems. I've seen guys do what she's dealing with dozens of times. Most guys don't display the doomsday behavior you just posted.

Walk away.

 

He's actually very right. Some guys (and women) are so insecure and controlling that they will go the distance to prove they wont go away or to completely try to restrict and stop the "moving on" process of the other person. I have seen it many times and its nothing pleasant

 

I'm curious. How was your chemisty in the beginning? Did you guys profess your love, talk about the future and hint at kids?

 

Now why the **** does this guy sound awfully familar to me?

Seriously, I guess I was in the same boat as your friend here. Except I wasn't crazy. But not according to the people of #houstonrockets.

He saw potential for something good.

The dude was crying? Man, holy crap.

Did he get on his guitar and write a song about it?


I wanted to write a rap dis song about her, but it ended up turning into some lame dork emo bs.

I have it in my email box somewhere.

 

so am i the only one who didn't know finalsbound was a girl until this thread came along?

 

I clicked on the link in her sig like two weeks ago and was somewhat surprised to come to that realization.

 

I've seen many people who were hard to break up with and nothing bizarre happened after the breakup. But there were some key words she used that raised the alarm bells. With this guy only being 20, it's probably going to be fine. When older people exhibit some of the behavior she mentioned, it could really mean trouble. One of my wife's friends is going thru it right now.

 

Give him a pen.