In Italian 101 They Dont Teach "This Is A Stickup"

Last week, my wife and I had our first extended (more than 7 days) vacation in over three years. We rented a villa in Tuscany and drove around the Chianti wine region, eating like pigs and drinking wine like it was water....and checking out some beautiful cities like Florence, Siena, San Gimiagnano, and Volterra. We also went to Pisa to check out the tower with two friends of ours.

Just outside of Pisa, we needed to stop at a bank to change some near-worthless US dollars into Euros (lets not discuss the exchange rate right now...ouch). We decided to go to a bank outside of the tourist area to save a few bucks on service charges. We found a bank near a Prada outlet store so our wifes could go dream of discounted overpriced purses.

We went in the bank through the weird "Star-Trek" doors that I found amusing...my buddy Geary said they were there to prevent bank robberies...and grabbed our numbers to wait for service.

About 10 minutes into our wait, the two bank managers stepped out of their office and stood side by side in the middle of the lobby. They looked rather sheepish so I figured they wee going to say something to the tune that it was 1pm and they were closing for lunch. Then a guy with his tee-shirt pulled up over his face stepped beside them. My first thought was "jeez, this guy is taking the SARS thing waaay too seriously this far from Asia" UNTIL I noticed the large knife he was holding. When he put his arm around one of the managers and with his other hand put the knife against the manager's throat, I decided it was time to go.

I gave Geary a look and we casually walked to one of the Star Trek doors. To our dismay we discovered that it was locked. Then the switchblade guy started yelling in Italian and pointing the knife at Geary and I so we went back to the our spot in line with the rest of the customers.

It was at this point that I noticed that ALL of the customers were completely calm. One guy was just reading his paper. So for a second, I had a dream that we were caught up in some sort of drill and that Geary and I were just idiot tourists. Then I noticed the guy with the gun coming out from behind the counter.

Adrenaline is a funny thing. I thought I would have freaked out or gotten very scared but instead I became EXTREMELY AWARE of everything going on around me....sorta like Bullet-Time from the Matrix except that I didn't want to see any bullets and I was pretty sure I couldn't dodge one. I just tried to make sure that I didnt make eye contact with the robbers and hoped that no one did anything stupid.

3-4 minutes later, the bank robbers took all the bank's money (they didnt rob the customers) and left after convincing the bank tellers to override the Star Trek doors. Then everyone sorta went back to their business, and Geary and I burst out laughing because we could not believe what just happened. People gave us dirty looks but we didnt care, we just wanted to get the hell outta dodge.

We grabbed our wives at Prada and drove to a great restuarant for many many glasses of Brunela....took the edge off. At the time it looked like our vacation was going to end in a nightmare, but after it was all over, it makes for an amusing little antecdote, eh?

 

Florence is fantastic. The Duomo area is beautiful, the Bapistry (where Dante was baptized) and the Cathedral are amazing. Its 463 steps to the top of the cathedral but the view is worth it.

Eat at Vovoli's Geletaria in Florence, its about 4 blocks from the Uffizi museum and allegedly the best gellato in Italy. I thought it was good enough for two return trips.

If you are going to be in the area, go south into Tuscany to eat at least one meal in the country. If you dont have a car rental, take a train 20 minutes south to Siena. Siena was Florence's competing cultural capital of Italy until the plague in 1348 wiped it out. (If you drive around Tuscany enough, you start to realize that right after the plague Florence sorta kicked everyone's ass).
Siena is a beautiful walled city with amazing churches and architecture.....plus its the leather capital of Italy...cheap jackets and belts and purses...plus there is a restuarant there called Il Marsili near the Duomo...amazing.

Oh, and always drink the house wine. Just as good as the expensive stuff....hell you are in the wine country, why pay more?

 

She should not fear Florence. The only criminal elements or shadiness I saw in Italy consisted of:

1. the bank robbery I got to experience - in Pisa
2. the unlicensed cab drivers at the train stations (they would ask for 30 Euros to go on a 6 Euro ride from Termini Station to your hotel....took serious advantage of nervous tourists....tell your friend that the White cabs with meters are legit)
3. the gypsy kids in Rome...they mob tourists on busses and pick their pockets....happened to my pal's wife, but she had one of those mini-backpack purses that hung near her butt, so she could not defend herself)