For some reason, free agency is playing out like some bizarre Star Wars Episode in my mind. Darth Greedo, aka Emperor Riley, casts his Black Mail lightning to force Darth Brawn to stay on the Miami Deathstar. Grand Moff Spoelstra tries not to get choked. Bosh Skywalker is sent away by his father Darth Brawn, to make room for Darth Mellow. In one fell swoop, Darth Greedo blows up Cleveraan and throws CoruscaNY into chaos. Old Wade Kenobi is killed in the process. The Rocket Alliance also takes a big hit. Events lead to Chandler Solo being thrown into the Dallas Sarlaac Pit, even though AdMoreyl Ackbar told him it was a trap. Nien NunbLes continues with his wine-induced liquid chattering. Dwightbacca and Harden Calrissian (played by Beardy Williams) weep for their friend while Princess Lin is sheltered by Hinkie Organna. Cuban the Hutt and Rick Fortuna laugh excitedly, but neither matches the hysteria of Montalacious B. Crumb. Dirk Fett stands in the dark corner silently.
