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I'm I Messed Up For This?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by LardLad, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. LardLad

    LardLad Member

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    I broke things off with my SO other about a month ago...then reached to her after she told me she may be pregnant after our last encounter. At that point, I admitted that I made a mistake by breaking up with her. Now, I am having second (third) thoughts about reuniting. Now, I regret everything because I am starting to miss the brief single life I experienced. Now I feel like I should just break everything off despite us moving in back together. As it turns out she is not pregnant but I have pretty much professed to her that I want to be with her again and love her deeply. Now, I am starting to feel that I told her I love her only because of the prospect that she alluded that we may be having a child together. When we broke up I spoke directly with her family that I was in the wrong and that I would take care of her despite my insistence of breaking up with her. I do care for her...And we have a great time together...But I am starting to have trepidations about continuing our relationship. I have already told her parents and my own that she is the girl for me and I have even promised her that I would marry her. I have been with her for about five years but I feel like such a scumbag for being so hesitant. I always remember a scene from High Fidelity wherein;
    Rob: I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really...
    Laura: Delivers?
    Rob: Delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you, so...
    She takes care of me, guys, she has changed so much since the "she locked me out of our room: thread." I feel like being a sneaky b*stard and moving out my things when she is working and writing her a note that I am leaving. Would I be a total turd for taking that route?
     
  2. sammy

    sammy Member

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    Yes you would be total turd.

    Man up and tell her how you feel. I know that it's easier said than done though..
     
  3. Invisible Fan

    Invisible Fan Member

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    How old are you? I'd talk to her about each of your future goals and your insecurities.

    If you can't shake your turdly ways off, man up and break it off cleanly.

    You already got the families involved. If you're going to sneak out like a bandit, I'd eye another town for the getaway.
     
  4. sammy

    sammy Member

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    Oh and the she may be pregnant thing seems awfully shady to me...
     
  5. ElPigto

    ElPigto Member
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    Are you scared of commitment by any chance?

    If you truly love her and want to be with her then don't doubt yourself. Even after you told her all those beautiful things and you are unsure then don't be afraid to break it off as well, even if it does make you look like an ass. Remember that this type of commitment is usually for life (although that's arguable in this day age, lol) and you don't want to throw yourself into something you are not sure off. You don't want to end up miserable and have kids with someone you never truly loved.

    I think it's okay to be selfish since you aren't haven't a kid. Yes her feelings matter, but overall if you are truly in doubt and just need more time, then your feelings matter even more.
     
  6. drumbum

    drumbum Member

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    Let me give you some advice:

    Before making such a hasty decision think for one second about the fact that if you do leave, this girl is not going to take you back ever. If your reasoning for getting back was just cause she may be pregnant, it may be a good thing, cause maybe it saved you from regret later.

    You say she's done so much for you, etc etc, then at that point think to yourself about the fact that she may actually be one person that may make you happy time after time.

    I wish I had your situation, and now I regret not taking advantage of the opportunities I had, because now that they're gone, it's the biggest regret I have.

    Good luck.
     
  7. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Member

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    Do whatever the hell you want, but please - for the love of all that is holy - use a condom. PLEASE.

    Don't bring a kid into this nonsense.
     
  8. DaDakota

    DaDakota Balance wins
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    All the things that caused you to break up in the first place are still there, you just get a bried taste of the newness or backtogetherness....it will pass.

    More than likely you need to just break it off....and move on.......the pain will pass for both of you.

    DD
     
  9. Blake

    Blake Member

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    the grass is always greener on the other side. except that usually it isn't
     
  10. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Member

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    Not married, no kids, she lied about pregnancy to bring you back, and you are unhappy.

    Ask yourself this...

    Are you happier with or without her?
     
  11. RunninRaven

    RunninRaven Member
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    Fixt.

    I am very glad that she wasn't pregnant. You are clearly not ready to take care of a child. As to the rest of the relationship...I have no idea what you want and it sounds like you don't either.
     
    #11 RunninRaven, Oct 7, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2009
  12. YaosDirtyStache

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    Did you really fall for the I'm Pregnant trick? Its one of the oldest, and successful rouses out there. Shoulda waited for the baby bump then take the jump.

    My suggestion is, tough it out. You seem to actually have had feelings for this broad, and believe me this "single" life youre talking about is just a sum of thoughtless encounters until you knock up one of the random girls or realize the one who you left was the one you should be with all along and get back with her.

    Maybe you both should take a couples retreat and see where some underlying issues are buried and take care of them, or you can leave her and think about her every day for the rest of your life. Your call.
     
  13. DieHard Rocket

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    I think that is potentially horrible advice. Of course depending on how the op lives his "single" life. Not everyone goes around man-whoring and going home with a different broad that they pick up at the bar, all with no feelings attached.

    He could actually take the time being single to figure out what he really WANTS in a S/O, and what he's not going to settle for. Take some time for himself to get his life straight and how he wants it, then date and figure out what he's looking for.

    By no means are we close to your situation, op, so it's hard to say, but if you are sure about her and see a future and you actually WANT to live the married life then you would be leaving for selfish reasons. Otherwise you should break it off, because you shouldn't try to force a life together with someone you have major doubts about.
     
  14. K LoLo

    K LoLo Member

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    You need to make something final.

    Saying something one day and then another the next, and so on, you
    're setting yourself up for a miserable life.
     
  15. YaosDirtyStache

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    I reread his post a few times, it seems to me this guy is just having cold feet and hesitation for being in real relationship with life potential. I can understand people being scared but to just quit on it because its too good is something I can never comprehend. I am certain that if this guy just up and leaves that the guilt will be palatable.

    to the OP: Do whatever you want, but think about whats best for you both not just for you.
     
  16. DonkeyMagic

    DonkeyMagic Member
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    you fell for the old i'm pregnant bit?

    [​IMG]

    She sounds crazy and you sound gullible, niave and honsetly confused.

    Man up. Break up and stay that way. Exactly what you should have done after the last thread you started.
     
  17. Falcons Talon

    Falcons Talon Member

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    Huh? Why? They aren't married, they don't have children. By this reasoning, he can be miserable so she can be happy?

    If you're not happy, and don't want to be with her, be upfront with her and get out.

    No games, no conditions. Be straight up.
     
  18. Rox_fan_here

    Rox_fan_here Member

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    As another poster asked... how old are you?

    Is this your first real relationship? When you said your missing the single life, what exactly are you missing. Dating other women? Not having the stress of a relationship? What exactly is going on in your mind, what is it that you want.

    If you want to just screw around and be with other people and then return back to old faithful, that scenario will end disasterously for you I promise. If you decided that this girl is definitely not the one for you, you need to man up and stop being a wuss. You messed up by getting the family involved and you will have to deal with that if you split but DO NOT let that be a deterrent for you if you realize you do not want to be with that person.

    Five years is a long time, the way I see it you either decide if you want to marry her or not. Whatever your choice is you need to act accordingly. If you think that you can marry her then stay in the relationship. However if you realize that you will not be happy with her, END IT NOW FACE TO FACE LIKE A MAN.
     
  19. Space Ghost

    Space Ghost Member

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    You'd be a bit silly to take advise from a bunch of random strangers when you only give a slanted view of the situation.

    Your unsure about the relationship: This alone says all that you need to make a decision. Get some time off, whether its breaking up or spending less time together.

    Prego Trick: She used it. You fell for it. There is much to be said about both of you. Whether it was used for control or immaturity, I always suggest running far far away from anyone who uses tactics like these.

    Living together: You broke up and immediately moved back in together. Im not sure why you expect things to change after you moved back in together. In the very least, move out.

    In the very least, get some distance. If you really care about each other, you'll build a stronger relationship starting over, not continuing off from the breakup. I suspect you really need to break it off completely for awhile, get over each other, and then come back to see if you really like each other. Quit playing games and man up.
     

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