I have a serious question.

Man, good luck with that one. I wouldn't know where to begin telling a 3-year old about life and death, especially with regards to his grandmother.

 

I'm with Baqui, I wouldn't know how to begin with a 3 yearold either. Maybe you could simply tell her that she is gone away because kids usually understand that and then add to a nice place and so and so. Sorry about your loss.

 

First of all, sorry about your mother-in-law. May she rest in peace.

As far as breaking the news to your son...that's a tough one. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all but this seems like something you should kind of game plan for when you decide to have a kid. You know, just have some idea of how you'll handle this type of stuff. But since you don't, I guess just wait and see what kind of responses you get on here. I'm not a father, but I'm sure many of the BBS'ers here have been through this same type of thing.

Good luck.

 

Start with something simple: Grandma's gone to Heaven.

See where it goes from there. He's probably got a concept of Heaven. I take it from the way you describe the problem that you have no religiious/spiritual tradition that you teach at home therefore I think you are just going to have to play it by ear.

Start broad and see where the conversation goes.

Sorry for your loss.

 

Sorry for your loss...

http://ok.essortment.com/childrendeath_rdoo.htm

http://www.nfda.org/page.php?pID=37&PHPSESSID=1690d99d5018a03367b01643f5ce6efb

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/preschooler/praising/64608.html

 

I wouldn't tell him straight up... tell him she went away and when he grows up he'll find out.

Sorry man...

 

Be honest above all -- I hope it goes as well as it can.

 

Sorry for your loss.

I'll take the death discussion over my five year old daughter asking, "what is sex and will I like it". That is as close to seeing my wife faint as I think I have ever come.

When my daughter was four my wife's grandmother died and I told my daughter that her grandmother's body was tired and that she went to live in heaven. My daughter seemed to except that, my guess is somehow that tied into what she had been learning in Sunday school.

 

I don't know the right words to say in a tough situation like this, but I do know it would be a good idea to tell him prior to the funeral.

 

I am sorry for your loss, just tell them that she went to Heaven.

Also, I would not take my kids to the funeral, that is not something I would do at such a young age, maybe around 7 or 8, but not 3.

DD

 

at 3 years old, i don't think kids are old enough to "understand" death, which means it doesn't emotionally affect them like it would adults. at least that's the way it seemed with my cousin's kids when my uncle past away. the kids spent alot of time with him and when he died, they just ask questions and think to themselves, "Oh." and go on there merry way.

 

I'm really sorry about what happened, I lost my grandmother about 6 years ago.. I understand the pain.

tell your son, that she has gone to a better place, up in heaven and shes looking after him, I hope everything goes well. R.I.P

 

Very sorry for your loss....

I tend to agree with macalu. At 3 kids are still trying to understand pretty much everything. Grandma being in heaven may not be as troubling to her as you might fear.

Our son's great grandmother passed away when he was just under 3. He still talks about her and tells us she's in heaven. It somehow 'just is' to him, and he's ok with it. Almost finds it comforting. I think it's much harder on older kids.

 

I can vouch for this. My mother was from Louisville, KY. I went to so many funerals there when I was young that death, bad weather, gloom and doom come to my mind whenever I think of that dreadful place. Just so happens we have a family reunion there next weekend.

Funerals can definitely leave a lasting impression on young kids.

 

Sorry for you and your family's loss. I agree with King Cheetah that honesty is the best. We tell our children many things to protect them from the World but the truth is the World is a hard place. This doesn't mean you need to be blunt but Saint Louis put it well by saying that Grandma was tired or went away and went to sleep and won't be waking up. Death is never an easy subject but dealing with death is part of life.

Have you thought about talking to a pastor or some other spiritual advisor about how to approach the situation?

 

Sorry for your families loss.


I agree with macalu assessment. A kid that age will not take it too hard. Don't think there is a need to explain life and death to a 3 year old.

 

This happened to my neighbor. He told his son that his grandfather got sick and passed away. He was taken up to heaven by angels and he is happy.

I was surprised how well the son (4 years old) took it. He cam over saying Grandpa had to go to heaven and he is having fun and is with angels.

It was sweet and sad at the same time. I really like my neighbor’s kids.

 

I saw "Clifford, the big red dog today", and MAN, do you learn some good stuff from those PBS shows... one kid thought he was a good magician and made Clifford disappear, and wasn't honest enough to tell Emily Elizabeth about it, until they laughed at him for not telling the truth... Emily E.'s friend said something that stuck with me so much: "My mom says that if you tell the truth from the beginning, the easier it is to make up for what you tried to hide".

Sorry for the analogy, but it could have been honesty from the moment you learned that your kids' grandmother passed away, and they would have at least been less shocked than just showing up tomorrow and maybe throwing a scene because they didn't know. I'd say prepare them, and they will learn or react the way they only can or their instinct will show them how. I don't know how, but their response will tell how they will grow up, and who has matured the most. Obviously, waiting until the very same time that they see that their grandma is no lonver alive won't be the same.

Good luck and sorry, man.

Hope it is ok for your kids.