I can't help it, why do girls have this effect on men?

the mother will tell you everything you need to know about the girl.

Consider yourself lucky, I had a friend who went through this same torture with an absolute b****-from-hell controlling mom.

at any rate, cheer up bucko... plenty of fish in the sea who kick a considerable amount of ass.

 

Sorry, I have no real advice, but just so that we get this post out of the way:




The comedian would respond with a post saying "Date her mom, man."

 

And then make an appearance on the Jerry Springer Show. Or if that's too passe, then hit up Maury.

 

You know, you could always turn it around. If I ever hear any woman asking, "How do I get a guy to treat me special and buy me flowers and give me candlelight dinners and really fall in love with me?", now I know what to tell her...

"Treat him like cr@p and don't communicate well and let other people run your life and make your decisions. Apparently it works. Guys will love you."

It just seems ironic to me... maybe it's just the nature of relationships that the givers always pick a taker...

Seriously, cwebbster, sorry that happened to you. For the record, I know you loved this girl, but that's some really immature behavior. Any adult female should be able to 1) communicate straight with a guy and certainly not make up a phone sex scenario to break up with him, and 2) run her own life without letting her mother make her decisions for her. Really, after you've grown up, your mother shouldn't be #1 in your life all the time. Listen to moestavern19 above...

 

The girl doesn't want you.

If she did, she would stand up to her mom. No one can be controlled unless he/she wants to be controlled (obviously, there are violent exceptions, but that doesn't apply here).

The applicable rules in this situation are:
Rule #1: It's not supposed to be difficult.
Rule #2: You may not think you did anything to her, but she always will.
Rule #3: You cannot critique yourself fairly (i.e., you may indeed be oblivious).

But, from what you said before, you've done a lot of things right. Maybe things will work out in the end, maybe they won't. You simply have to realize that at this point, you cannot blame yourself because it's not your fault. You cannot feel sorry for yourself because you've carried yourself pretty darned well. You cannot blame the mom because the girl is her own being.

And, unfortunately, you can't blame the girl because it's something she had to do, for whatever stupid reason. Let's put this way - better now or when you're engaged or when you're married?

 

You got screwed.

That's all there is to it.

It has nothing to do with you.

It's all on her and her mother.

I am sorry that you are put into this situation because it is obvious that you care deeply about a girl that may not feel the same way and it seems that it may have been a forced hand on her mother's behalf, but what's done is done. There's nothing left to do but just take the hit, get over it, learn from it, and move on.

I know it sounds harsh, but I think that what you need now is strength, not condolences, because at this point, I think that this chick is the one who is going to be screwed in the end.

 

Ok. This hits home with me.

Men are too quick to blame themselves, and when they fall for a girl it happens much more rarely than it does for girls, and they fall harder. Don't you dare blame yourself.

Crap like this happens to me, and it always left me feeling worthless. Don't fall in that trap. I think the advice in this thread is all pretty sound. If she doesn't appreciate who you are, don't let it get to you. You didn't do anything wrong. If you are like me, you probably spent way too much time ruminating "if I had done this, or if I had done that maybe it would have ended up different." That will kill you!

If she doesn't love you, she doesn't love you. Find a girl who does. If she made you happy, great, but ultimately its your job to make yourself happy, not hers. You are feeling loss, and that's very real and awful, but fill the emptiness you are filling with yourself. Go do the things you wanted to while you are still young, whatever they are, and just be you.

Spend some time with friends and family that won't get sick of you talking about it. Get it out of you like taking a crap and move on. Any girl that brings you that low is taking too much of yourself away. Mourn her and move on. You deserve better. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Avoid alcohol. Chances are, if she'd stayed with you, in time you'd be twice as miserable as you are now.

 

Time for the old switcheroo!

Just kidding man. In all seriousness, consider yourself lucky for finding out about her now. Imagine going through all this after you were married (since you said you absolutely loved her, i'm going to assume the thought of being married crept into your mind a few times).

Cut your ties and forget about her. It'll take time, just stay busy with stuff. In a few months, you'll stop thinking about her.

 

This is probably the best advice I have seen regarding this situation.

Some people thrive on drama, while others definately do not. When two people are incompatible like that, one of them will constantly make life miserable for the other person.

 

The math makes her Mom 10 at the time of her birth. Where are you Appalachia?

 

From this pain will come liberation. Sounds like a future with this girl would have been fraught with frustration and disappointment. Better now than later.

 

Most people don't listen to what anyone else has to say about their relationships, and this is why. I know it sucks because of how much time you spent with her, but she obviously doesn't have any respect for you if she broke up with you that way. Get over her.

 

Run........, I mean seriously run........fast as you can.

 

The girl, and I do mean girl, sounds very immature and looks like she wasn't ready or didn't want anything to get THAT serious.

A friend of my wife was married to a guy who respected and treated her right and she cheated on him. They divorced and she went off with her new guy and now have two children together. This guy treats her like crap, will not marry her at all and cheats on her with other women. She now wishes everyday that she hadn't messed things up with her ex-huband. For your sake (and hers), since you love her so much, I hope she gets it in her head before she ends up with a drug-totting, woman beating, a-hole.

You just have to get away from the situation. 'Stalking' her will only make things worse. Just tell her in some way that you respect her decision, that you will always love her and will always be there if she ever changes her mind. Then get far, far away from the situation and try to forget her. If she truely loves you in return, she will seek you out or, at least, maybe she will grow up and realize what she has done and give you a real explanation and an apology.

Bottomline: Make her come to you. It sounds like you have done everything in your power to make this work. Sooner or later, she will realize what she gave up, and then you will see her again.

 

In this image the 'girl' is represented by the tank ~ I believe you can figure out the rest...

 

For the love of God, get some balls and quit being a doormat! Sometimes you have to do the thing that hurts most to better yourself. Move on. Forget she ever existed because her situation will never change.

 

Well, you're in the right position...

If you don't run away now, like you should, you will marry her and provide us many years of interesting stories on the BBS.