Guys sorry for the long post. I really need input, and I have no one else to talk to. I was with my ex-girlfriend for 5 years. I say ex-girlfriend because recently she went to university away from the city, any relationship was difficult to maintain. it wasn't so much that we couldn't work a long distance relationship. the initial problem with me, being away from her I felt how it was to be single and wanted to go out and hang out with my friends rather than talk to her on the phone when she had free time. well 1 thing led to another and I told her this, unfortunately I hurt her feelings very much. from that point on the relationship was on an off I tried to continue talking to her but it just wasn't working the way we wanted. during the month of october on my birthday I went to visit her. it was going great until I left. she was upset with me because I chose to be with my family on the day of my birthday than with her. now in her defense my family does not really celebrate birthdays and she was from a further city so it was a lot more difficult for me to see her than my family. after this she did not talk to me for about 2 months. well now she's finally back from school. in those 2 months she did not talk to me at all she did not call me I did not call her and she assumed that things were okay. please keep in mind that she lives with my family and night for certain reasons. she returns and we discuss things. she talks to me like nothing happened she's actually very happy that she's single now and wants to move on. I on the other hand am not happy and want to be with her so I talk to her. 1 thing leads to another and we are back to kissing and holding hands. but we never said we were going to be back together. 1 night she is on skype with a friend. I'm very curious who this is, so jokingly I tell her I'm gonna open your laptop and say hi to your friend. then she replies if you open my laptop it's over between us for good. this gave me the impression we working things. the very next day she is at work and I checked her skype conversation. this is where things really went downhill. I read the conversation in the guy that she was talking to kept making remarks as to how beautiful she was and how he did not forget the moment that they were hanging out on his bed. she also told him that his kisses were sweet. He was sending her emoticons that were kisses. but I'm unsure as to whether she was speaking of actual kisses or his emoticons. that night I try to confront her about what I found but I did not want to change the way things were going between us. so instead I asked where were things going between us. and then we came to a conclusion that we were going to try to work things out. well obviously I couldn't keep this out of my mind this conversation that she had on skype. I have been checking her phone constantly. And just last night she txted him and he told her how he wanted to kiss her. I noticed that she did not respond but rather called. it was 1:36 am and call lasted 3 minutes. this conversation with her friend happened right after we went out last night and last night we got any small argument and it didn't end well. now to my question. we were not together and we are still not together is it okay for her to be doing this or not? should I tell her that I was going through her stuff n I found this out? I really can't think clearly because constantly thinking about this relationship that she has going on behind my back. how should I tell her, or should I? I still love her and want to continue to be with her but I can not do this if she has a feelings for someone else. thanks for reading I really appreciate any help that is given!
tldr, so I skimmed it. Sounds like a classic case of wanting only what you don't have. Move on, she has.
The problem is I can't move with her coming back every semester break. It makes it much more difficult. If I move on I will tell her to leave my house and then she will never come back. Plus she has nowhere to go.
You asked for advice. Someone told you the correct thing to do. You then reply you can't because it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Either take the advice or don't waste anyone's time here. She neither wants to commit or be honest with you. If you can handle being one of (at least) 2 boyfriends, enjoy her while you can. Otherwise, move on because she has. If you want a relationship with a person who is trying to hide another relationship from you, please get your head examined. Not trying to be harsh, but just wanted to shake you into reality. Don't hold your breath waiting for her to come back.
Either way your relationship will not work because you are already at the point to where you do not trust her to be faithful to you even if you guys get back together. See the quoted below. Also telling her you are going through her things (you shouldn't have done that to begin with) will instantly break any relationship. I would guess she will try to move out at any chance she gets (maybe with the guy she's calling). The fact that she's living with your parents might be what's keeping her existing relationship with you.
You're right man, I just want to work things out. The fact we aren't together makes things better. But I have hurt myself by reading what I shouldn't have.
Use it as a learning experience and move on. No relationship should cause that much strain and have that much uncertainty. Any relationship where one says "open my laptop and we are done for good" is not a healthy one. You both sound young. If you're really right for each other, maybe you come back to each other in a couple of years ... but for now just move on, get over it, and enjoy life.
In my current situation, I'm having trouble believing that. But from an outsiders perspective it is obvious. Its always difficult when its happening to you (or in my case myself).
She's moved on and you need to let her go and get on with life. Seems like this could be posted in almost every relationship thread around here.
She should make a post on here asking for advice on what to do about a potential partner that is monitoring her texts and phone conversations. My advice to her would be to dump the guy and move on to someone else who respects privacy. As for advice for you, this relationship is broken man. You are holding on to something that is dead. You don't trust her, she is exploring other options. It's dead. Time to bury it and move on with your life and be happy somewhere else. If you are at the point where you are monitoring her conversations with other people, there is virtually no hope that you will ever be able to truly trust her. Your welcome.
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You can't eat your cake and have it too. Romance without commitment is great fail. All of your actions throughout this relationship have been selfish. You're only in it for you, for the hormonal euphoria the relationship brings you. You could not even find it in you to make things work for two months after she moved out of town. Couldn't even spare one day to be with her. And now she's back and you just expect her to pick up where she left off, to continue to satisfy your own selfish desires at your every whim? Looks like she already found someone who is actually willing to fill her own love tank, not someone who is only interested in using her like an emotional prostitute. Stop torturing her. Yes, she still cares for you, but your "feelings" for her are still incredibly selfish. You're only going to break her heart again in a worse way. She deserves better. Grow up and move on. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's the truth.
I somehow missed this section the first time I read your really long, lame, girly post. Now that I've read this I think you suck and she should leave you. She flat out told you not open her computer. She told you that was deal breaker. She set the boundary for you and you had so little respect for her and trusted her so little that you violated her privacy and went into her computer.
