Lots of jokes have been about people at the Pearly Gates. Post your favorites here... I just got this one via email: RONALD REAGAN AT THE PEARLY GATES Ronald Reagan arrived at the Pearly Gates and was met by St. Peter. Reagan was stunned for a moment. "You mean, I---I'm in?" he asked. "That's right" said St. Peter. "Come on, man. I'll show you around." He tossed the keys to a brand new Lincoln Town Car at Reagan, and said, "You drive. This is your car, for the rest of eternity." Reagan was buoyant as they drove along the streets of Heaven, through sunny neighborhoods. Finally they came to a fancy part of town, with big lawns and swimming pools. St. Peter told Reagan that this is where he would be living. "That's Franklin Roosevelt's house over there," St. Peter pointed out as they drove, "And that's where Albert Einstein lives, next to Madame Curie. Pope John Paul XXIII lives here....and here's your house." They pulled into the driveway and got out. As Reagan was looking around, he noticed up in the hills a palace made of shimmering, white granite. He could see it was enormous, with room after room, and terraces with dozens of gold fountains. "That must be where the Lord lives," said Reagan. St. Peter shook his head. "No, that's Ray Charles' place," he said. Reagan's smile faltered for a moment. "Ray Charles lives there? How come all the presidents, scientists, and popes live here, and Ray Charles lives up in that palace? I don't get it." St. Peter chuckled. "Ronnie," he said, "Presidents and Popes are a dime a dozen. But baby, there's only one Ray Charles."
Ummm, this is kind of like a Gary Larsen calendar... I don't get it...I don't get it...I don't get it...I don't get it...I...don't get it.
Similar Version to Behads: MadMax arrived at the Pearly Gates and was met by St. Peter. MadMax was stunned for a moment. "You mean, I---I'm in?" he asked. "That's right" said St. Peter. "Come on, man. I'll show you around." He tossed the keys to a brand new Lincoln Town Car at Max, and said, "You drive. This is your car, for the rest of eternity." Max was buoyant as they drove along the streets of Heaven, through sunny neighborhoods. Finally they came to a fancy part of town, with big lawns and swimming pools. "That's Franklin Roosevelt's house over there," St. Peter pointed out as they drove, "And that's where Albert Einstein lives, next to Madame Curie. Pope John Paul XXIII lives here... As Max was looking around, he noticed up in the hills a palace made of shimmering, white granite. He could see it was enormous, with room after room, and terraces with dozens of gold fountains. "That must be where the Lord lives," said Max. St. Peter shook his head. "No, that will be your house" he said. Max's smile faltered for a moment. Me? How come all the presidents, scientists, and popes live here, and I live in that place? I don't get it." St. Peter chuckled. "Max," he said, "Presidents and Popes are a dime a dozen. But you're our first lawyer."
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." it's just a joke folks...
Technically he's not IN heaven. He's just outside, letting people in. It's kinda funny, if you're good, you get in, but if you're really good, you get a job for the rest of eternity
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, 'What is Easter?' The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful...' 'Wrong!, ' replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, 'What is Easter?' The second blonde replies, 'Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.' St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, 'What is Easter?' The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, 'I know what Easter is.' 'Oh?' says St. Peter, incredulously. 'Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.' St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, 'Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.'
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys He shook them and said, "They're bells". Saint Peter said "you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of woman's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carols." ----- Three guys die together and go to heaven.... St. Peter says, "We only have one rule...don't step on the ducks as they are God's favorite creation." They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's almost impossible to not step on a duck. The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the biggest, ugliest woman he'd ever seen... St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment is to be chained to this ugly woman forever." The next day the second guy steps on a duck...Sure enough, St. Peter comes with another ugly woman and chains them together. Seeing this, the third guy is very, very careful. He goes for months and doesn't step on any ducks. One day, St. Peter comes along with this beautiful woman: Blonde, blue-eyed, very young and very sexy. He chains them together and leaves without a word. The man remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve this good fortune?" And the Blonde says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
A teacher, a doctor, and a lawyer all die and end up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter meets them there and says "It's good to have you here, but we're a little over crowded today. You'll each have to answer 1 question before I can let you in." Peter turns to the teacher and says "What was the name of the famous ship that hit an iceberg and sank in the early 1900s?" The teacher smiles and says "That's easy. The Titanic." Peter lets her in. Then he turns to the doctor and says "How many people died on the Titanic?" The doctor says "Well, that's a tricky one, but luckily I just saw the movie, so I know. 1500." Peter lets the doctor in, too. Then Peter turns to the lawyer and says "Name them."
