How do you deal with a family member who is constantly asking the other family members for money? obviously it works because she continues to do it. First time she asked me was new years I said no and she advised I start saving (true story) . She asked again today I said no I am saving up for a new car and she said a loan to her is a way of saving. In what world is that true?? Anyway.. how do I stop this? and how did I get on her list? I am single in my 20s with bills and student loans to pay off.. she doesnt ask my twin.. or my other cousins as far as I know. She wanted 500 the first time 1000 the second. This is really annoying to the point I dont want to visit her anymore. Please serious answers only. I dont have a close family and she is one of the few I talk to.
Also she has a husband and two grown daughters living with her. In other words.. no excuse to be asking everyone else.
Just "NO" in a nice way will work, as you have been doing. Also, if you want to add an explanation, add "I apologize, but I have many bills to pay and I cannot spare to lend you any." Has this person NOT paid you back before? Does this person have a history of not paying back? Is this person involved in illicit or illegal activities that make you believe they don't deserve to borrow money? If you answered YES to any of those questions, you're justified in holding your ground. Eventually, they will stop asking. If they continue to ask, continue to say no while you can (or can't lend them the money). You're doing well in holding your ground.
Pretty Much This!. You've handled it nicely. You said that she is one of the few from your family that you do talk to so you don't want to do it in a way that they do not appreciate. A simple "no" is fine. You really don't have to explain yourself on why you said no.
If she keeps insisting, just don't answer or return her calls. If she shows up at your work, wear a disguise.
I'd say no, with an explanation that I personally maintain a no-loaning money policy (along with a strict no co-signing policy).
It's difficult to say no to family members. Luckily there are older and better off cousins that other family members can ask before me. I also rather just "give" instead of "loan" because no one ever pays me back. So if I have money to give, then I will, but I never expect any back. The one time I lent money, they threw it away (literally)... and I lost some tens of K. I'm over it now, but it was a hard lesson to learn. I've grown distant to family over time, as in I don't give a shiz what happens to them. Grew up in diff countries and never really knew them anyway. So my advice, lose the family.
I dont know if this matters but Im mexican.. we r suppose to respect our elders and stuff. they guilt u into feeling sorry for em :-\ i hear u thou jontro.. i am starting to think there is no way i come out winning on this one
dated a girl whose 2 sisters had a buncha kids and got gov't assistance while living with their grandma and grandpa who also go support. Total household income over $3k/month and yet they always asked the 1 grown up family member who was in med school for money constantly while he was making nearly nothing as a resident.
Well not in the trash, because that would mean I would be able to retrieve it. But pretty much threw it away. Didn't even use it for what they borrowed it for. Gave it to them and they kinda just "whoops I don't need this, here take it" to someone without me knowing. I've also "lent" money to previous gf's and they just kinda pretend they never borrowed, even ignoring my queries. beeches! Also I have a similar family structure like you OP, and we respect our elders and family is everything. Too bad I don't give a shiz. I'll show elders respect when I see them and be nice to cousins, but that doesn't mean I care. I avoid them as much as humanly possible. Also it must really suck being the wealthiest among cousins.
I did and she was a really nice gal... which is why it was very disappointing when she did it. Moneez change people I tell ya, and it ruins relationships.
Just say No. Not now, not ever. I have a deadbeat aunt and cousin who do this. They just aren't good folk. They take advantage of my dad and sister, who are both very kind and generous. The aunt asked me for money a while ago. I gave a firm No, and threw in a couple curse words and a message to back the f off.
