To start, I am offering this info in the same spirit that Behad offered the Republican info - lightheartedly. This is not meant to offend. I did not write this but I did find it out on the web. I can only assume that one was written first and the other was written as a response but I do not know which was which. The opinions expressed below do not necessarily represent the opinions of this poster (whew, I guess I'm covered now). Enjoy! 1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. 2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. 3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists. 4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding. 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. 7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortionn on demand. 8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do. 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. 11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars. 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. 13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison. 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't. 16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady. 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge. 18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House. 19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. 20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States. ------------------
That's the funniest thing I have ever heard!!! ------------------ Behad Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS
Should I agree that those are funny, or act like I can't take a joke like BK and rattle off, number by number, how incredibly stupid those are? ------------------ "He was under more balls than a midget hooker."-Bobby Hill visit www.swirve.com and, http://www.geocities.com/clutch34_2000 for great Rocket insight by some of your fellow BBS posters!
R95, don't mess with the BK Broiler!!!! ------------------ There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
That's the point Brian. Thy're meant to be silly! ------------------ Behad Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS
I'll play both sides of the fence her. 1. Some of those were funny - I liked 19 best, I think. Now, to appease BK... 2. #4 is basically true. Pre-historic art (such as the cave paintings at Lascaux) was not federally funded, but it was not really art, either. It was a form of language and was informative/communicative only. Besides, even those were probably ordered to be painted by someone. After that everything is pretty much commissioned by government/religious authorities. This is until the 18th century when Francisco Goya became dangerously ill and was bed ridden for some time. During this time, he painted things for himself - this marks really the fist time an artist produced a body of work with no pre-determined purpose (such as a king's commission). ------------------ EZLN
You're right, BK. They are silly. Since I'm not a democrat anyway, I'll give comedy a go on this one. 1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. Or lack of condoms...isn't that the same thing? TROJAN MAN!!! 2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. I thought it was 1st graders. My mistake. 3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists. Oh, right, the weapons we developed. Forgot that part. 4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding. Yeah, but in those days you could eat your paint. Just ask Van Gogh! 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. Or soccer mom's in SUV's or businessmen is SUV's or pony-tail wearing, pretentious Hollywood producers in SUV's or rap stars or the outdoors-y type... 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. Is this wig on straight? 7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortionn on demand. Just like Pay-Per-View, when I want an abortion, I want to just punch a button and BOOM!!! - fetus destructus. 8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. Governments just create oppressive prosperity and business creates prosperous oppression. Or is that the other way around? 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do. No, just loony activists in LA but only after they have a smoke and a bottled water. C'mon, at least get your cities right! 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. Actually, you have to have self esteem to earn anything worth having unless of course you have no conscience, then of course you can perpetuate any vicious cycle with the formation of various paradigms and multiple...what was the question again? 11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars. I just think the corrupt military start political wars. Is that the same thing? 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. A-B-C-D-E-F-G.... I love the alphabet. 13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. Well, the cost at Texas A&M is very high but not any higher than any other good university. Don't our taxes pay part of that? 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison. Who are any of these people? Are you making them up? 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't. The lady at the donut shop down the street sometimes sets aside croissants for me. Does the fact that she is Asian, I'm white and the croissants are French make me a racist? God, I never considered that! 16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady. LOL!!! Wooo hoo, ha ha ha ha...oh, man, sniff, HA HA HA HA!!!! That's a good one. 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge. I like socialism, especially when it means getting together with a bunch of friends and laughing and laughing...oh, that's socialin'! Nevermind. 18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House. I think they all belong in jail! Like my dad always said, "I'm not prejudice. I hate everybody!" 19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. Only if the baby Jesus is nekkid. There's nothing that makes me crazier than nekkid babies on display except for when there is no price on them and I have to go search for a clerk and ask for a price check. Damn, that's frustrating. Is my wig on straight? 20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States. Only if it means better eggrolls and winning lotto numbers on the backs of fortunes in fortune cookies. Then, it's a helluva investment. ------------------ Mmmmmmm. Sacrelicious. [This message has been edited by Jeff (edited December 14, 2000).]
Jeff, I never thought you could go so low with such rubbish...........Van Gogh never ate paint, that is just a myth. The rest was ok. ------------------ EZLN
LOLOL....ROTFLMAO!!!!!! Best one yet Jeff!!!! ------------------ Behad Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS
How many "homosexual parades" have you been to? I've been to 4 and never have I seen any displays of bestiality. and no one wants to make manger scenes illegal, just those sponsored by the government using tax-payer dollars/land.
outlaw I certainly hope you read my preface to the original post which indicated that I did not write it, just passing it on in the same vein that Behad passed on the Republican satire, lightheartedly. BTW, I have never been to a homosexual parade. ------------------
Damnit, Jeff, you called Texas A&M a "good school". Bobrek, haven't you ever seen A&M's Corps of Cadets march? [This message has been edited by BrianKagy (edited December 14, 2000).]
"9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do." Wait a minute... I'm in Seattle... I believe hunters don't care about nature... I'm a loony activist... Just who the hell are you referring to??? ------------------ "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning how to put food on their family while being put to death." [This message has been edited by ZRB (edited December 14, 2000).]
