serious question here guys. Forever alone could mean two different things, someone with no friends or someone who is not in a gf/bf relationship and never had one. How does one break out of that shell? From what I see, a lot of people and relationships are built and based on mutual friends and social circles, so if you have no friends or are in no social circle, how does one get a gf/bf? I'm really curious for myself, so does anyone here have experience on this subject? For example, did any of you never have a gf or were in a relationship until you were about 20+ years old?
you're welcome op <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QZuOKUrwoys" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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If you're serious, it really depends on what ails you, Optimal6. Too ugly? Too fat? High standards? Anxiety issues? Afraid to commit? Too interested in commitment? Neurotic? Too poor? If you work, talk to more women. If you're in college, talk to more women. In this day and age, most women are in the same boat finding other people. You can join meetup groups, online dating, or even talking to randos while you're waiting in line. Don't expect any of them to initiate. It takes practice and a thicker skin. You gotta nut up if you want to bust out. I've also noticed that as people get used to living alone, they tend to carry a set of baggage that goes unnoticed until another person calls them out on it. You can either be offended or "independent" or you can see where the other person is coming from and work on it. Takes a lot of patience to unravel that personally and externally. I would definitely seek support instead of taking it on alone if that happens.
Identify you're biggest fear. Address it. Even if you obsess over it, obsess over it while trying. Do not fall for that notion of "correctness" that "guys are douchebags" and "women are angels". Don't pedestalize anyone else and put yourself down any notches. And think you're being "humble" and "fair" to people by being "out the way". If thats what you're doing, then no you're not being humble, all you're doing is letting other people determine the outcomes. (And doing it AGAINST you even if it doesnt look like it is) It really comes down to a choice. When you see that other people have the same kinds of baggage and hangups as you but they just chose to take on the consequences of it openly, it actually opens up the "playing field" to allow yourself to participate just like anyone else. If you're a weirdo or even THINK you're a weirdo to where it prevents you from doing things, yeah like Invisible Fan said DO seek SOME HELP or THERAPY for it. It doesnt make you a hapless victim. It can be surprising how much that 3rd person can help balance thoughts out. About having a BF/GF, you just have to accept that you GOTTA have someone else's DRAMA in your life. Everybody in the world that is not you is a pain in the ass in some way. Just gotta take the risk and get the clean peen all dirtied up. Spoiler *and lay off the pornz though, you just gotta do it. :grin:
I had to watch tons of pron till i could finally imagine what the different chicks I was talking to looked like naked, you have to do that if your nervous.
All my friends are from work. Never had a gf either but that's because I've always wanted Dakota Fanning.
Go to teacher's college. There's about an 80-20 female to male ratio. You'd have to be completely inept to not hook up with someone there.
IF we are talking about girls..... Get over denial/rejection. 100 no's rule needs to be in full effect. 99 no's before you get 1 yes still means you got 1 yes. Put yourself out there, the way that you are nervous about talking to someone is probably the same kind of nervousness someone else would feel trying to talk to you. Don't be afraid to get embarrassed and know your own GAME. If you try to be something you are not, women will sniff it out faster than a dog. Work YOUR angle. Confidence is key, why would a girl like you if you don't like yourself?
Stop being picky. Start low...and i mean low. Like a 3. Work your way up and i guess you'll start learning women are only here for breeding purposes and start living for yourself.
It really depends what relationships are important to you and what you are willing to do to attain them. If you just want friends for the sake of having friends it could be as easy as living an active life. I don't mean active as in exercise (although that's not a bad idea) but just get out there. Even if you aren't a very social person you can put yourself in situations where more talkative folks will engage you. If you're in school join clubs, play intramural sports, join study groups, volunteer, etc....similar opportunities are there for young professionals as well. The key is finding people that you share interests with in a comfortable environment. Finding a GF will be different. Most women go for guys with confidence and guys that are really good at something (this includes being really smart or knowledgeable of a topic they find relevant). I find that most guys I know that struggle attracting women really have nothing to offer them. Being attractive helps to get her to talk to you (the same is true for you, right?) but after that women will pick over a guy with great looks for the guy that adds something to their life. Be the guy they want to brag about. And, I would love to tell you being a good guy was important but in reality women think they can change your personality. But, they can't take a guy that sits at home eating cheetos and watching p*rn into that rock climbing avid reader that they dream about. However, if you're quiet but confident (or what women would call the strong silent type) then you probably have what women want you just need to put yourself in a position to meet new people. In that case, you'll probably find it easier to get a GF than find a good group of friends.
What are your hobbies? Chances are that there are local groups with meetups with the same interest. Google it, join it.
