Here is my second and third stories

Steve,

Good articles.. Just an FYI that I noticed a typo:

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people touched by what happened on September 11. I am extremely grateful as my uncle and father were able to make out safely from the WTC and DC respectfully.

I know it's not that important because the message gets across, but I think it should be "were able to make IT out safely"...

Hope you don't mind the small critique.

You have a very good writing style. Keep it up!

 

What is this abclocal? Do you just sign up and they post articles you write about different HS teams?

 

No offense intended, just constructive criticism (I assume you are looking for that since you bemoaned the fact that no one had responded ):

Story from 09/10:

"Treeo Gibson was the leading rusher with 75-yards on 20 carries while also catching two catches for 42-yards from the backfield that extended drives which the Bearkats were able to capitalize on with scores."

The above is a "run on" sentence.

'...catching two catches...' should read '...catching two passes...'

Perhaps it would read better as follows:

"Treeo Gibson was the leading rusher for the Bearkats with 75 yards on 20 carries. He also caught 2 passes for 42 yards. Both catches extended drives which eventually resulted in scores for Klein."

"Junior Ashton Youboty intercepted the ball for the Kats and ran it back for a 70-yard touchdown return."

There is no need for the word 'return' at the end of this sentence. It is redundant.

"Klein (1-0) will move on to next week to play at Kingwood."

I would remove the first occurrance of the word "to".

Story from 09/17:

"...down and out of it..."

It appears you are mixing 2 separate descriptions. One being "down and out", with the other being "out of it". I'd use one or the other.

"They rushed out onto the field while the Kingwood band played the anthem and it seemed to jinx the Kats."

Did this really happen as you wrote it? Generally, the anthem is played with the teams already on the field. This just seems odd to me. I am not doubting your veracity, simply questioning Klein's decision toenter the field during the playing of the National Anthem.

Caution - picky alert next.

"had found away..." should read "had found a way..."

"runback" should read "run back"

"forth" should be "fourth"

The following doesn't appear quite right:

"When Klein's LB Josh Hebert intercepted the ball, it gave hope to the team. However on the runback, Hebert fumbled the ball while going down at the Mustangs' 5-yard line."

I think I'd rewrite somewhat like to following:

"During a Mustang drive, Klein's LB Josh Hebert interception provided a brief ray of hope to the struggling Kats. Unfortunately he fumbled at the Kingwood 5 yard line during the run back, thus ending a golden opportunity for Klein to get back into the game."


"In the forth quarter, the defense forced the Mustangs to punt while a blunder occurred again. Ashton Youboty fumbled the ball off the punt and gave possession once again to the Mustangs and again they capitalized with another score. "

Too many "agains".

"Another Kingwood score brought the final score to be 35-14. "

I'd write it as :

"Another Kingwood score brought the final to 35-14."



All in all you accomplish the first and foremost goal of any writer. You convey the story well. That is the hard part. The easy part is learning the use of grammar and spelling which comes with experience and critique. Keep up the good work. Extracurricular work in high school, such as this, will only help you in your future endeavours.

 

bobrek: Great suggestions, what do you do for a living?

 

I've been working in the computer industry for 25 years (right out of High School), but I dabbled in writing while in HS. My son is looking to get into writing. He's in his 2nd year of college. I think I had a talent for it, but security outweighed risk taking - sigh.

Stevierebel - if you are really interested in persuing any type of writing, you might enjoy the book "On Writing" by Stephen King (yes, that Stephen King). At one point he was covering local sports for a small time newspaper.