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Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? Did it work?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Franchise2001, Feb 11, 2004.

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  1. Franchise2001

    Franchise2001 Contributing Member

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    Come to find out my ex-g/f moved back to Houston. I keep getting the urge to call her, even though I know that I'm risking a lot of heart ache.

    It's been a year and a half, and I still don't feel like I have closure. The break-up was messy and I refused to talk to her after she acted like a biotch. However, there are still some strong feelings that won't go away. I have said many bad things over the time apart to try to forget about her.

    What are some of your experiences with becoming friends, dating, or even getting back together with an ex?
     
    #1 Franchise2001, Feb 11, 2004
  2. franchise403

    franchise403 Member

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    In my experience alot of the time you find yourself in a completely different place then when the two of ya'll were going out.

    If your having feelings though sometimes trying to be her friend will actually help you to sort through the feelings. And you may find out that the feeling are romantic or nothing at all and you have moved on but you just didn't realize it.

    Well I hope that helps you some.

    franchise403
     
    #2 franchise403, Feb 11, 2004
  3. fadeaway

    fadeaway Member

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    Trusted words of wisdom from one franchise to another. An earlier model to boot. ;)

    I agree. Give it a shot. If she's still b*tchy, then forget about it, but things may have changed.
     
    #3 fadeaway, Feb 11, 2004
  4. Sonny

    Sonny Member

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    I've tried it, it wasn't the same for me and I ended it fast.

    If it's a first love, you almost always want to give it a second try.

    I say go for it man.
     
    #4 Sonny, Feb 11, 2004
  5. tierre_brown

    tierre_brown Member

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    I wouldn't recommend trying to hook back up with an ex. Maybe try to just talk and become friends. If that leads to more, then go for it. But just because you get a stirring in your pants, don't try to jump back on the ex. I made that mistake once, and now we aren't even cordial to each other. Just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into, man...
     
    #5 tierre_brown, Feb 11, 2004
  6. Franchise2001

    Franchise2001 Contributing Member

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    It was never about sex. I broke up with her because she wasnt there for me when i needed her by my side. I just want to see if she's matured much from age 19 to 21. We were so young when we got together(and I know we are still young) and I want to make sure that it wasn't meant to be. I know this isn't a good reason to jump into a relationship. I promised myself that the next person would have to be someone that makes me better. On the other hand, I need my head cleared. If I try it and it fails, I'll have that closure.

    The thing that sux, is that I'm going to have to do this without telling any friends and family(I only told my bro-in-law and he did a good job playing devil's advocate). They honestly hate(strongly dislike) her because of the way she treated me.
     
    #6 Franchise2001, Feb 11, 2004
  7. Franchise2001

    Franchise2001 Contributing Member

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    The email that I'm thinking of sending:

    Lindsay,

    I know it's been a long time since we've talked last. To put into one letter everything that I have to say might take an eternity.

    When Gavin's dad died, I was in shock. I had never lost someone so close, and I don't think you understood how much I cared for him. I needed you there the night of his funeral. We all make mistakes, and I am genuine when I say that I forgive you for what happened that night and after.

    After that night, you kept trying to call me. Something had triggered in me where I just couldn't talk to you. For months and months, anytime a phone rang, I would break into a sweat, my hands would tremble, and my body would just shut down. I hit rock bottom. The night of the funeral, I lost you(my best friend), Gavin's dad, and another family member. Simply put, I was empty. I had no more feelings. I couldn't joke around anymore, cry anymore, work anymore, and most of all, I couldnt love anymore.

    I took a year off of school and worked at eyemasters to pay for my future tuition. I went back to UH last fall and almost made a 4.0(all A's and a B+.. you can tell your dad that I aced accounting). I haven't had a panic attack since last may. The depression, that I think I've had for many years, is now gone.

    So you are probably asking why the hell I'm emailing you. I know that you've probably tried to forget about me. I left you without talking to you in person. I had to lie to you on the phone and say I didn't love you anymore. I think all this left me(and probably you) without closure. If you don't want to respond to this, I'd understand. If you want to reply to me with a "GET LOST", I'd understand. If you just want to respond through email and never talk to me again, I'd understand. I heard from Anna(she's in my macroeconomics class) that you are back in town. If you wanted, I would be willing to meet in person to start off on a clean slate. Whatever that would lead to, it would be better than the way it is now. I don't want to just run into you one day, glance at eachother, and pretend that we never knew eachother.

    I know you reached out for me hundreds of times after we broke up. I never reached back. I hope you can understand that was because I wasn't able to reach back. We both used to agree that everything happens for a reason. I needed that year and a half alone. I truly hope that you have made the most of your time as well.

    I've come to realize that life is too short to be angry and live in the past. Even if you don't respond to this, just know that if you ever see me, you can say hi.

    With All of My Heart,
    Joel

    This is pretty much everything I want to say. If she sends a hateful response, I'll know that she hasnt changed and I'll have my closure. Until then, the ball will be in her court.
     
    #7 Franchise2001, Feb 11, 2004
  8. Franchise2001

    Franchise2001 Contributing Member

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    Thanks for the advice man. I think the biggest thing I'm looking for is to see where we are in life and if it didn't work before because she was immature or because we just weren't meant to be.
     
    #8 Franchise2001, Feb 11, 2004
  9. IROC it

    IROC it Member

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    Are the "strong feelings that won't go away" physical, emotional, or what?

    Basically, don't go back for lust.
     
    #9 IROC it, Feb 11, 2004
  10. El_Conquistador

    El_Conquistador King of the D&D, The Legend, #1 Ranking

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    1. Get her naked
    2. Evaluate changes in her weight since you have last observed her
    3. Apply an annualized growth rate based on the 1.5 years of weight gain/growth
    4. Use that rate to judge where she would be at age 28, presumably the optimal age for men attracting women
    5. Decide if it is worth your time to be with this girl at that age, or if you should be considering upgrading.

    Precision requires that you incorporate a scale in this, however practicality says that it may not be easy to do without resistance from her.
     
    #10 El_Conquistador, Feb 11, 2004
  11. ees

    ees Member

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    In all honesty, you need to be VERY careful in this situation. Judging by your letter you were very hurt, but you hurt her as well. I would steer away from the "clean slate" and "all my heart" and really try to keep it as a basic apology email/letter for now. While most of us girls swear "I never want to talk to/hear from him again" when we get hurt, we have been waiting for those "I'm sorry" emails ever since the situation happened.

    Keep in mind that SHE wasn't the one who contacted you letting you know that shes back in town and also keep in mind that it has been some time and there might be someone else. Thats why I think it would be in your best interest just to let her know that if you run into each other that it is ok to say hi and be civil. More than likely, she'll email you back and after that point you can start a conversation and possibly schedule a meeting of some sort.

    Its all about baby steps. With that much hurt, there is certainly some baggage as well as the possibility that resentment will once again rise to the surface. Keep it simple, keep it basic and let time decide what is meant to be.

    Good luck, pal. I hope it works out for the best.
     
    #11 ees, Feb 11, 2004
  12. Mulder

    Mulder Member

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    Fox met his girl sophomore year in high school.
    They broke up during his Junior year.
    They got back together during his Senior year.
    They broke up two years later for 6 months.
    The got back together and through thick and thin have stayed together dispite long distance and family and friend disapproval at sometimes.
    We got married after 14 years together.
    Still together now.

    I say go for it. If you experience half the joy I have felt with my wife you will be a very happy man.
    Cheers! :D
     
    #12 Mulder, Feb 11, 2004
  13. VesceySux

    VesceySux World Champion Lurker
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    Man, T_J, if I hadn't seen a real life picture of you, I'd think you were the "ultimate computer" from Superman III (with a little HAL 9000 thrown in for good measure).
     
    #13 VesceySux, Feb 11, 2004
  14. Severe Rockets Fan

    Severe Rockets Fan Takin it one stage at a time...

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    You're so young man, quit worrying about some woman that hurt you. At your age physical attraction will get the best of you, you say it isn't that but I'd almost bet it's got a lot to do with it...besides, how great is her personality and attitude if she emotionally mistreated you the first time?

    Point being, there are so many people out there that want to meet you and be good to you(I'd stick to the women personally :D ), why waste your time on the drama?
     
    #14 Severe Rockets Fan, Feb 11, 2004
  15. HAYJON02

    HAYJON02 Member

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    Be open to anything, but whatever you do don't give up your self respect for a girl it didn't work with in the first place.

    The best relationships in life are unavoidable. And surprisingly low maintenence.
     
    #15 HAYJON02, Feb 11, 2004
  16. rrj_gamz

    rrj_gamz Member

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    I think what'll you'll find is that you two do not really have much in common anymore and more than likely, one of you hasn't forgotten all the hurtfull things you may have said in you bad breakup...

    It'll kill you if you don't call her, so I would sugges do it to get some closure and find out if there really is something there, or if its just the past your trying to hold on too...
     
    #16 rrj_gamz, Feb 11, 2004
  17. Rocket104

    Rocket104 Member

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    You've already made your decision. Do it.

    If you don't, you're obviously going to regret it.

    Is your life philosophy going to be happier with "Man I wish I DID do that" or "Man I wish I DID NOT do that"? That's all you need to ask, and only you can answer.
     
    #17 Rocket104, Feb 11, 2004
  18. Baqui99

    Baqui99 Member

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    This discussion begins and ends with pooper.
     
    #18 Baqui99, Feb 11, 2004
  19. Franchise2001

    Franchise2001 Contributing Member

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    Thanks a ton for the advice :)

    She never tried to contact me because I have turned her away time and again. I took most of my life's frustrations out on her, and she deserved most of that anger I had towards her. I will be sensitive to the hurt that I caused her. However, any poor attitude on her part will prove the point that it was her attitude and not her immaturity.
     
    #19 Franchise2001, Feb 11, 2004
  20. bamaslammer

    bamaslammer Member

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    Woohoo!!!!!!!!! But seriously, I would be friends first, make sure the things that split you apart are either mitigated or completely gone (people change) and take things slooooooowwww!
     
    #20 bamaslammer, Feb 11, 2004
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