My mom just eluded death... By a miracle. She's in an ICU with 5 other patients right now. 1 is a car wreck survivor. The other 4 had aneurysms just like my mom. The difference is that the only one not in a coma is my mom. Now, this could all change. She's going to be in the hospital for at least another week. The reason she will be staying is because her type of condition can always have adverse effects. That said, I was at the hospital for 5 hours last night, and was up there for a couple more today. I will also be up there every day (even though parking is INSANELY expensive) until she gets out, if for no other reason than to let her know I'm there. My problem lies in the fact that I decided to go out tonight. I can't say I spoke about anything much other than her. It might have been the nicest I've ever been in a public surrounding. Yet, I still felt guilty about being out, at all. My Dad told me to get out, and that he would tell me if there was anything wrong... and yet.... Color me stupid, right now. I just don't know what is appropriate to do.
Glad to hear your mum's ok. I don't see anything wrong with going out, if your parent's said it was ok to do so. Its not like no one is there with your mum, your dad is there. So at least someone in the family is around her throughout the day. Dealing with pain or situations that deal with pain for prolonged periods of time is not very healthy for your own well being.
Glad to hear the news... it's hard to know what to do in those kind of situations. Why not go and take over for your dad for a spell so that he can get away to rest or relax? Hanging around the hospital is stressful...
i dont think it was inappropriate. are you supposed to just sit at home stressing out? going out doesnt mean you dont care and it doesnt mean that your mom isnt on your mind. i went on a 2 week trip to oaxaca about 2 weeks after my dad passed away. i had the trip planned for 6 months and was thinking about not going but my mom and all my friends told me to go. guilt is a b**** though. trust me i know...im catholic.
Do not feel guilty-your mom and Dad want you to live your life too. That will make them feel better. I do not know your mom or Dad, but I have had lots of experience with this. Go to the hospital when you can - use the time to comfort your dad and family-this is all you can do now. Be there for them and plan a couple of hours a day to relax and unwind. The museums are close to the medical center- if during the day -a good place I have found to be in a cool quiet place to meditate or reflect. Eat right-avoid junk food if possible. Eat at Cafe Express in the bottom of MFA. When going to sleep try to empty your mind and fill it with a simple set of images-my favorite- riding in a boat on the water. Give the picture detail- blue green water, monotonous sound of the boat engine.White Birds flying- water lapping at the hull-the clanking sounds ropes hitting the mast make. Think of something you like like riding on a motorcycle, ski, painting a house. Be there when you can - try not to fell guilty - you do not have the energy to waste.
GREAT TO HEAR! i'm so happy for you and your family that your mom is getting better and survived that scare! i will continue to pray for the situation! ---- i think it's almost needed for you to go out and just try and relax. the situation seems to be handled, you need to try and get some relaxation and have some fun.
My Dad had a heart attack on Christmas day in 2004. I know how you feel - should we feel bad about celebrating Christmas while my dad's in the hospital? We just did our best to be there for him. There is no 'right' or 'wrong'. Glad to hear that her condition has improved! Is she going to have to go through any rehabilitation?
We all deal with dificult circumstances in different ways. You decided to go because in all actuality, you probably NEEDED to go out. Its important to show yourself that life does, indeed, go on. Otherwise, you just sit and stew in unpleasant feelings and emotions. What you did was healthy. What you're doing now (i.e. guilt) isn't so healthy. Things will pan out the way they pan out. Your finding some peace in escaping for the evening is perfectly acceptable. Call me if you need to talk.
I don't think u should feel guilty about it. What is said to cause aneurysms anyway? A guy at my work recently had one and he is out of it, will never be the same.
I think that you feel guilty about it shows that you're not being callous. The having dealt with similar situations I know its hard to handle the stress of them and its important to maintain balance on your own part too. As long as the rest of the family is there to help out I don't think you should feel bad that you're abandoning your mom in her need.
A nice post. I've been through these situations too many times. Lynus is right. It's healthy to get away for a while. Have your cell on, just in case, but if it still bothers you, you can spend extra time to let someone else get away later, tomorrow, or the next day. Someone like your Dad, if you can talk him into taking a break. Good luck. So far, things are going as well as you could hope for, and I hope she's out of the hospital and giving you a hard time, soon.
about parking, you could ask the hospital for a voucher. i remember them offering me one at Ben Taub when my uncle was hospitalized. saved alot of money. it was like 9 bucks a week.
We don't know yet. The part of the brain where the aneurysm was was the part that affects short-term memory, and she is having problems with that right now. From what I've read, memory loss is normal at this stage, but there is always the possibility that it could be permanent. We'll just have to wait and see. It'll take an extra week of short term memory loss before we will know if this could be a permanent problem. BTW, thanks for the posts guys.
FFB, I'm glad to hear your mom is doing ok given the circumstances. Don't worry about going out. There's not much you can do. I know when I was in the hospital for my surgery, I didn't expect anyone to stay around me 24/7, and I'm glad they didn't. There's not much more you can do for her that the hospital staff or your dad can't do. Your function is basically to be a familiar face to talk to and help her should she need it. You definitely shouldn't shut down the rest of your life just because she's in the hospital. The important thing is to make sure that when you are there, it's quality time.
I'm glad your mom is getting better, FFB. Going to that party's fine, but take this as a chance to say things that might've been left unsaid. It's a hard thing to do sometimes, but try to make a time to tell her how you feel...like what's in your bones that you'd normally don't feel comfortable to mention it casually. Life is short. We get caught up in our routines that we don't really say how we feel to our loved ones. Don't realize it until the opportunity's gone.... Take care.
I'm glad your mom is doing better. (was away from the board for a while and didn't get to respond to the other thread, but meant to bump it up and ask) No, I don't think you should feel guilty for going out. You've been at the hospital as much as you could. Your mom has to rest sometime, and you need a break for yourself. You're only human. Everyone should understand.
Glad she's doing better and I'll be praying for her. Don't feel guilty. I'm sure she knows from all your past actions that you love her and that something she will know whether your there or not. A mother or father would be blessed to have that kind of love and devotion from a son or daughter and the one thing they wouldn't want them to feel is guilt.
